Need help getting fiancé to pick groomsmen.

Have him pick 6-8 for the bridal party and the rest can be ushers. They are still participating in the wedding as important people, but are not in the *actual* bridal party. And they can still participate in the morning festivities and get ready together! It will be awesome fun!

And I'm sure your photographer would be happy to get some photos of his whole group for him too .

My DH is pretty practical, so I explained it to him from a finance perspective. The cost of your BP adds to the final cost of your wedding- more gifts to buy, a bigger limo for transportation (if that's what you do) etc. DH & I each had 6 people, and I noticed often throughout planning how much more expensive everything got when you went from a BP of 5 each to a BP of 6 each. Maybe that would help him see the repercussions? I agree that 14 is a lot!

14 is a lot but neither of you should be picking your bridal party over a year out. Wait til like 9 months before

I don't agree with picking your bridal party farther out, I have already asked all my bridesmaids.. My friend since 7th grade... my sister... & FH's cousin who I am close with.

Well, it's too early anyway; they should be asked in December or January. No one is equally close to 14 people, and 14 people don't want to be in the bridal party. They ARE in the wedding; they are invited.

How special would you feel if you were one of 14.

Not very.

I already asked all of mine simply bc it was best friends and family, so there would never have been a debate over who my bridesmaids were. Whoops! I must have asked way to early! I didn't know that rule.

My FH was the same way, except he had 7 friends to choose from, not 14. I dont have to many close girl friends (3), so I tried getting him to narrow his down. FH is an only child, so he considers his close friend group to be his brothers, and he told me he could absolute not choose between them. He got it down to 6, with one being an usher, but could not choose from there. I'm still not completely fine with it, but it is what it is, so I'm just going to have to deal with it. I know your wedding party seems to be double mine, but is there some way of explaining to him the financial aspect of expecting all of his friends to buy/rent tuxes? He can still have his friends join the bachelor party even if they're not groomsmen.

My FH is also the same way . He has had the same group of 13 friends since childhood and has been in 8 of their weddings. He wanted 13 at first but I was able to get him to settle on his 6 closest friends/brothers. One of his friends who he didn't pick as a groomsman offered to officiate since he is already ordained. The entire group is part of the bachelor party and invited to the wedding and understands why he picked who he picked.

Narrow down the 5-6 to who absolutely have to be up there. Think of who he has known the longest and who of his friends have really shaped him as a person. Its tough but it can be done!

EDIT: Accidentially suggested 14 when I mean to say 5-6 oops

FH originally wanted 8 groomsmen for our 100 person wedding. He hadn't even seen 2 of them in a year! I talked him down to 6 and eliminated those 2 he hadn't seen in years by pointing out that they didn't talk often, he hadn't been in their weddings (they hadn't been married yet), and they live far away. I told him they could still go to the Bachelor Party, which sealed the deal haha. If it had been up to me, we would've had much smaller BPs (family only), but at least he reduced his number.

Tell him to wait until 6 months out, then pick who he absolutely cannot live without.

You do not have to have even sides, it's not 1996.

@FutureMrsPribula - Of course you don't agree, you have already done it.

It's smart to wait until around 9 months or so because issues always pop up. How many times do we see posts where people say "they should have waited".

Ask him who he absolutely can't get married without or even better, who he would call at 3:00 am to hide a dead body. The people you call are the groomsmen.

Just ask the single friends.

A lot of my FH family said it was rude to ask a married man to be a groomsman so we just narrowed it down like that.

Put the break on it and ask him again later! things change.

Why would it be rude to ask a married man? So you cut people out just because they are married? That's what I would find rude.

You can tell him to just pick family if that helps. Or as PP have suggested, who are the ones he first calls

Don't cut people out just because they are married. If anything they could be even more helpful having been through it as far as advice and anything else goes.

Well we do have a married couple in it. I'm not saying they're not important lol they are. They actually just really were all single so it didn't really matter.

If that helps her narrow it down and if it doesn't it doesn't .

Don't have a friend officiate as plan B for being a groomsperson, just because they're ordained.

@Lela - if that's true then my FH is screwed since all of his friends that he is close enough to ask are married. What a stupid idea that you cannot ask someone married to be in your wedding party! My MOH will be married by the time I get married.