Hi all! My fiancé and I are getting married next year; it will be a destination wedding with only parents and siblings (< 10 guests). Without going into too much detail, my relationship with my father is not great. He is a heavy drinker and does not hold his alcohol well. There is not a single family gathering where he doesn’t make an ass of himself. I have been ping-ponging between whether I should invite him to the wedding or not (he would not be walking me down the aisle regardless). I’ve ultimately decided that I’d like to write him a letter where I lay out all of my boundaries, and if he can stay within those boundaries for the next 6 months then I feel comfortable sending him an invite. I would really love some help with the content of this letter because he’s not used to me having a voice and expressing myself. I feel like a letter is best because if we speak in person/via text, he will dominate the conversation and become defensive.
I want to make it clear in the letter that his drinking has hurt our relationship and the only way he will have the privilege of being part of my special day is if he does not have a drop of alcohol to drink in my presence leading up to and on the day of the wedding. If he breaks this rule then he will not receive an invite. If he ends up drinking during the wedding, we will not have a relationship going forward. I’m having trouble on the wording of the letter because I understand alcoholics get very defensive and aren’t able to be empathetic or have any introspection.
I really do want to give him a chance to redeem himself. This way, I will have zero regrets not extending the invite if he doesn’t follow through.
Thanks in advance.
