Needing some advice....

I would not invite them. If you already know that they don't like you why would you want someone who doesn't really want to celebrate your special day with you. Keep the bad energy out of your special day. If they want to be present for their son, they will change their behavior prior to the wedding.

I agree with you that boundaries are important. It seems like he has already started setting some by not giving in to their bashing of you and not wanting to invite them to the wedding. Also, as far as that goes, I would leave the decision entirely up to him. Be there to discuss it and support him in any way, but if he does not want to invite his parents, that's ultimately his decision.

I agree with Hannah. His parents, ultimately his call. Just support him as you'd hope he would do for you. Better than trying to force a relationship with them so they can fill his ears with hate about you.

TBH, I don’t know why on earth his parents would even want to attend the wedding. They have made it very clear they don’t support it or your relationship. That being said, I would leave the final decision up to your fiancé, since they are his parents. I know you said he needs to set boundaries with his family, but it sounds like that is exactly what he is doing. He has not allowed them to bash you or to ruin your relationship, and has not allowed their opinions to sway him on wanting to commit to you. I would commend him on the boundaries he has set, be open to discussing his concerns about his parents attending, and support him in whatever decision he makes.

An ultimatum is never a good solution. I think you should just not include them at all in any wedding planning. If they ask, just say things like "oh we're thinking of navy, but nothing decided yet. Have you tried this dip?" IE, be really noncommittal and then change the subject. It should be your FI's decision 100% whether you invite them. I'm so sorry about this, it sounds horrible. However, i think the positive here is that your FI is super supportive of you and your feelings. You can't force someone to be happy for you. They won't be, they've made that clear. So let your FI decide what kind of relationship he'd like to have with them going forward - I think you can leave it in his court bc it's very clear that he has boundaries (standing up to them when they disrespect you, etc) and is choosing you without question.

So I had a similar situation to my FIL. If I can even call him that. I don't consider him as one. We had a great bond when I first met him but once me and my husband got engaged my FIL wanted me to start acting like a house wife from the 40's (they are old fashion mexican) I didn't grow up in that type of house hold so I refused. Me and my husband are an equal team. Well we had gotten into a argument and from there our relationship turned sour. Honestly we didn't include him and his wife (my husband's step mom) in anything. If he didn't respect me then there's no point in my opinion. You don't need to validate yourself to them. If your FH loves you their opinion doesn't matter. Don't let them ruin ur happiness.

Yall need to go talk with a marriage counselor. There's a lot of moving parts here and you need to tread carefully. It might help to have a neutral third party help the two of you come to a decision you both agree on and can live with.

Because they actively do not support your relationship or wedding, do not invite them. An invitation is only for those who want to be part of your lives together and they have made it clear that they do not want any part in it. It would do you and fiancé well to go no contact with them because you don’t need that toxicity and emotional abuse in your lives. Whatever you decide needs to be something you will support each other with as a team.

I actually kinda feel where you coming from with this. I kinda experienced the same thing. What I will say is still invite them for a reason. That way it won't look like its YOUR fault for not including them. Trust me I can see them saying that. It they show that's great to support their son keep it cordial. but if they don't show then you know where you and your FH stand. As far as dealing with them after that leave that up to him I personally would not even bring them up after that.

I think you need to sit and think about the mixed messages you are sending your fiance.

First you say that he is supporting you and doesn't want to even invite his parents, and you feel badly about that and want to invite them so he doesn't regret it, but then you state you've been firm with him about setting boundaries with his family.

This is about as firm a boundary as he can set, but you're for whatever reason wanting him to walk it back.

And then you follow up with "but if they don't get it together, they're out of our inner circle".

See how that can be confusing?

Take his parents out of the equation. They don't like you. The why doesn't matter at this point. They've made their feelings clear. You are never going to win them over, I get that sense clearly. The only thing this situation can do is to impact your relationship with your fiance. Your job is to make sure it doesn't.

Let him decide how to handle his parents being at the wedding, and then support that. You can feel as badly as you want if he makes a decision you think he'll regret, but talk to someone else about that. If he invites them, be polite, call his dad 'sir' for a day no matter how foolish it seems to you, and then get on with your lives.

Continue to make this your mantra in your lives. I don't especially like my in-laws, and my fiance doesn't especially like my family. We've agreed that we're just going to deal with them on our own, if they come to visit, we will be friendly and have fun but take breaks, and otherwise lead our lives the way we choose.

I hope this helps!

Your wedding is a celebration of your love with the people who love and support you, your FH, AND both of you as a couple. Ultimately, I think this needs to be your FH's decision because they are his parents and you don't want him to look back and wish he had made a different decision about his own parents, or worse resent you for saying they can't come. I do, however, believe that you are justified in not inviting them, which is not a reflection of you and your FH but your future in-laws. They should support you and your FH's decision and wish you nothing but the best regardless of their own feelings regarding the topic.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Your engagement is suppose to be one of the happiest periods of your life that I'm sure you've been looking forward to since you were a little girl. I'm so sorry that it is less than. Sending prayers your way, girl! Best of luck to you and keep your chin up!