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Dedicated July 2019

Nervous about Bachelor party next week...

Natt, on June 22, 2019 at 8:30 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 13
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I’m extremely nervous about FH bachelor party next week. His groomsmen have not told him anything and plan to surprise him. FH has been telling them from the start no strippers, no lap dance, no women period. All he wants is to go camping and have a good time with the men in his life that it. His groomsmen keep smiling, laughing and keep saying Small comments like I guess we will see what we plan and make it seem like there will be women there. Yesterday one of the groomsmen stopped by and FH told there won’t be strippers right? And his grooms men smiled again said there’s going to be someone he knows that will be there to make it more fun. In my opinion that’s worse! For a complete stranger to be all over FH is one thing but for someone in his life other than me to be all over him? No! What if they had to much to drink and something happens? The worst part is I have a very strong feeling I know who it will be. FH has a group of friends he worked with in college and they were all men except for 1 of them he had a crush on her for a while but according to him nothing happened I have met her once since she stopped working with them and moved but have heard many stories of how crazy and wild she can get. In college she use to live in a co-ops where men and women use to have naked wresting party’s and where she use to clean the house naked to get out of doing more chores ( I know this because one of the friends/coworker lived in that co-op with her. Another reason why I think it’s her is she booked a huge Airbnb for my wedding and invites all the groomsmen and the men from work to stay there with her so she is in constant communication with them. One of the groomsmen also said early on I’m not sure why this girl (mentioned her name) is in the groomsmen group chat. So who else can make it “fun” at the bachelor party who also knows him. I seriously don’t want him to go...

13 Comments

Latest activity by Natt, on June 23, 2019 at 1:17 PM
  • A
    Master June 2020
    Anna ·
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    I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. Relationships, are based on trust. You trust him or you don't, but you can't control someone by telling them what to do...that will not bode well for the future.

    They are probably all talk. Don't let it bother you. He loves you and is marrying you❤
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  • N
    Dedicated July 2019
    Natt ·
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    I’m not suggesting not letting him go. all I’m saying is I feel uncomfortable with him going knowing someone in his life will be stripping for him.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I can see your discomfort. But it sounds like your fiance knows what's up - as in, it sounds like he is a sensible not a party type guy. Trust HIM to do the right thing.
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  • Iva
    Super September 2019
    Iva ·
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    If this is making you uncomfortable, talk to your FH! This is a great opportunity to discuss your boundaries (both yours & his), if you haven’t had that talk already. No matter who is there & what groomsmen plan on doing, your FH has a choice to participate in it or not. This is 100% his choice & no peer pressure or alcohol can make an adult man do what he doesn’t want to do.

    I’m not worried about what FH will do at his bachelor party, because first I know that his friends are respectful of me & wouldn’t plan anything crazy. But more importantly, even if they brought a stripper or took him to a strip club, I know FH just wouldn’t participate, because we had a talk about boundaries & because he loves & respects me fully.

    So have this talk with him & let him know how you feel! A man who loves, respects & understands his woman, would never cross her boundaries or break her trust.
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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
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    I do think you need to trust your fiance he seems like he's been really clear about his expectations.
    Now his friends deliberately disrespecting his comfort and wishes gets under my skin. I just can't stand people like that.
    I'd approach the situation with a little more empathy for your fiance, he wanted a camping trip with his buddies and they're kind of taking that away from him, my fiance would be super bummed over it, maybe yours is too? You could probably just mention it and say hey I know you told them no women/strippers and I know you're not comfortable with that, if they have women or strippers you can always leave. It makes the point you know he tried and shows you care about his feelings too. Also gives him the option to get out of there if he doesn't like it and it gets too wild.
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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    This seems like a you issue not a him issue, and you need to be able to trust him. Even if his friends end up being disrespectful, he hasn’t been. Doesn’t sound like he’s done anything wrong nor is he interested in doing so. This is 100% a trust issue.
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  • Andrea
    Super October 2019
    Andrea ·
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    You have to trust that he is going to make the right choices. It sounds like he will. This girl sounds like a real piece of work.
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  • N
    Dedicated July 2019
    Natt ·
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    I dont appreciate you making me the problem. Even if it was a trust issues how am I the one to blame for people causing me to have trust issues? I wasn’t suggesting my FH is doing anything wrong and I am in no way upset at him we have no idea what is going to happen and the unknown is what makes me nervous.
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  • DuttonSandersWedding
    Expert September 2019
    DuttonSandersWedding ·
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    I'm not trying to be offensive here honestly but McSkipper is right. If you truly trust your FH then nothing his groomsmen do will make that trust waiver. He sounds like someone with some decent willpower and a healthy dose of respect for you and other women. I doubt he would willingly do anything to hurt or upset you and it sounds like he would tell his buddies where to shove it if they do bring along a stripper or ask this college friend to do it instead (which is super disrespectful to this other girl as well, for them to ask her to strip for someone she knows on the eve of his wedding, like who does that? Messed up I say.) If they do bring a stripper than they dont respect your FH much and he should reconsider how close of a friendship he has with them. But your nervousness over the situation just shows you have some things you might want to talk over with your fiance. It doesn't sound to me like you trust him 100% to make sound decisions, alcohol induced or other wise.
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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    I’m not blaming you or making you a problem.

    In your post you say “What if they had to much to drink and something happens?”
    I’m saying these are your feelings, not his feelings. From your post, he’s on the same page. He doesn’t want strippers or any of that. He’s not interested, and he’s not planning on doing anything dumb. I’m just saying you need to be able to trust him. If his boys put him in a situation he doesn’t want to be in either, you simply need to be able to trust that he won’t do anything wrong. This girl isn’t a threat to the man who has decided to marry YOU. Try to remember that he has chosen YOU.
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  • A
    Expert August 2019
    Ami ·
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    Hate to say it, but if you're worried about him doing something with a person from his past then you should reevaluate the trust in your relationship. I had zero worries about FH's bachelor party because I trust him 100%. I also posted last week about the surprise stripper at my bachelorette party. I told FH about it when I got home, we had a good laugh and he has zero worries about it. My girls are wayyy rowdier than I am, but he trusts me and didn't worry about it at all. I think you should trust FH and let him go have fun with the guys. You want him to be able to come tell you about the fun he had, you dont want to give him all these rules and make him worried about making you mad at his Bach party.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    It may not be your fault that someone hurt you enough for you to have trust issues, but it IS absolutely your responsibility to seek help in figuring out how to not project those issues onto your FH. There will always be unknowns in life. What will you do if your FH gets a job where he works with mostly women? What will you do if he has to go on business trips with those women? Life is full of unknowns but the only thing we can control is how we handle situations. If your immediate reaction to his friends being disrespectful when he’s repeatedly told them what he does/doesn’t want is that you don’t want him to go, that is an issue. Discuss your feelings with him, and set boundaries about what is or isn’t acceptable, but don’t assume something will happen when he’s given you no indication of that.
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  • N
    Dedicated July 2019
    Natt ·
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    I don’t think FH will get a job with mostly women and even if he did I know he didn’t have a crush on them and I’m pretty sure they won’t give him a lad dance so I don’t understand why bring this up? as for business trips he does go to many business trips sometimes with men sometimes with women and has shared hotel rooms with these men and women to save the company money and I have zero problem with this because 1 he isnt drinking 2 I know and trust this him and these women she isn’t crazy and wild 3 I know nothing will happen. So these examples are nowhere near the same as bachelor party. The part that makes me nervous is FH gets turned on very easily he is like a teenager full of hormones and FH does not drink so has a very low tolerance whenever out some of his coworkers push him to drink more and his excuse is usually he has to drive later (don’t think he can use this excuse at the party) he is codependent so this makes him a people pleaser I’m sacred he will drink to much to please his friends and have things happen. Having a reaction and acting on that reaction are two different things yes my first reaction is I don’t want him to go but I have not mentioned this to him and it’s not like I’m forcing him to stay. As for your last message the “he has not gave you an indication of something will happen” might be because he has no idea what is going on since his friends won’t tell him anything.
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