Nervous about epic tantrum from flower girl

I personally can't think of anything. I would hope that they wouldn't keep her right there during the ceremony if she's throwing a tantrum like that but also depending on what the venue is like even if the child is moved from the area the screaming could still be heard and be distracting.

This is one of many reasons why I will not be having flower girls or ring bearers.

There's nothing you can do. If you know she's poorly behaved why did you ask in the first place?

That's a rhetorical question BTW.

And you asked her why?

You have to talk to the parents. You can't tell her obey and expect her too.

I wouldn't bother paying a videographer, to tape your ceremony.

This is one of the main reasons that we did not have a flower girl or ring bearers. I don't have any suggestions for you, there's nothing you can do about it

I guess give the parents a place to grab her and take her to until she can calm down?

We gave the kids little baskets full of popcorn to carry, they were happily chomping away through the ceremony.

I hadn't seen the behavior before I asked her. And frankly, I love her and I'm close to her, so she would have been invited whether or not she was flower girl. I'm less worried about the ceremony than the reception. It's a big summer camp, so there are places they could take her. I know she's not my kid, but she is my niece and it is my wedding. I'd just like a diplomatic way to be able to say "Please take her to this cabin until she calms down" but I'm afraid they won't since they previously did not take her out of ear shot (and it would have been easy to).

Talk to her parents. They probably know if signs of an epic tantrum before it begins at this point. Is her mother in your bridal party? If so, she can probably just take her hand and hustle her out of there before anyone else notices it happening. If not, maybe seat her in the front row so her daughter can go sit with her after the trip down the aisle.

As for the reception, there's nothing wrong "we've designated X cabin as a quiet zone for the kids who get overstimulated. Why don't you take Rosie over there for a bit and let her chill out? We put coloring books and some other toys in there." They'll get the hint.

Oof that is rough. Is it possible to pre-emptively remove the child from the ceremony? Like she walks down the aisle to scatter flowers, then a sitter of some sort comes to get her. They could bring her home (if it is local), or to a children's room. Most churches have a daycare section where parents drop their kids off to play during mass, so I'm picturing something like that. It'd be someplace where the flower girl can play and stuff and not even be near your ceremony other than the necessary aisle-walking-down part.

We brought candy, toys and coloring books for the kids in our wedding (ages 5, 3 and 2). We had them show up just a half hour before so the kids weren't overwhelmed with all the picture time. SIL told us from the beginning that if the 2-year-old (who is the most unpredictable) had a tantrum, she would immediately take her out of the room to not disturb the ceremony. She got a tiny bit fussy after her turn coming down the aisle was over and SIL scooped her up and took her into another room for the rest of the ceremony. It was totally fine. This comes with having kids in your wedding, you can't predict or dictate their behavior. I would not feel comfortable telling a mother what to do with her child, but I was glad SIL knew that staying in the room having a tantrum was not a good plan.

Thanks Delfina! That is a great suggestion, esp. to have some kid stuff ready in the cabin, and a nice way of wording the request. Hopefully they don't refuse!

This is your brother or sister's kid, so I would be frank with my sibling. "Susy threw some really nasty temper tantrums the last few times you visited and I'm worried that might happen during our ceremony. Can we come up with a back-up plan in case that happens?"

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Perhaps she'll mature in the next few months and get better control over her emotions. But speak with her mother/father and have a backup plan. The FG isn't necessary for the ceremony.

At my friend's wedding, her niece started to have a meltdown right before the processional because she couldn't carry her stuffed rabbit down the aisle with her. The consequence was that her mom scooped her out of line and she didn't get to participate.

I would go ahead and designate someone to take care of her in the event of a meltdown. If your venue allows, have a place already designated for her to go and calm down. If you want, you could even find a qualified sitter and have somewhere your guest can take their children to have fun (color, play with toys, watch a movie, etc). That way adults can enjoy the ceremony and you don't have to worry about any outbursts. Your niece can simply be escorted there after she walks down the aisle.

Another thing I found that helps is to go over with the child exactly what is about to happen. My own son has transitional problems and use to melt down when something unexpected happens. To avoid those, we would go over what we are about to do in a fun and playful voice. Maybe even make a game and have her practice. This way, when the day comes, she has a little memory as to how it's supposed to happen.

My niece was a professional flower girl of sorts (she had been flower girl about 5 times) and she had meltdowns at my cousin's rehearsal. I had a talk with her and told her to get her shit together and deal with her issues (she was about 6 at the time) because I was a BM and my mom was playing the piano for the wedding. We worked it out where she walked in with the bride's younger sister and she behaved. The next time she was in a wedding as FG, the wedding planner bribed her with $50 and she was perfect.

Oh god. This is why we aren't having any kids in our BP and hopefully having a kid free wedding altogether. I can't deal. No advice, just best of luck!

I mean my daughter is 15 mos and has just started with the tantrums . With that said she is my flower girl . I also have a back up plan in case she's having a off day

There's no way to make a child behave for a particular day and time....she's a kid. The only thing I can think of is bribing her with a toy or candy. Tell her if she behaves the whole time she'll get a prize or something. Other than that, you just need to talk to her parents and tell them if this happens they need to take her outside or in the restroom.