Nervous For First Night

BTW- if you do chose to make an appointment with PP first, I'd recommend telling them on the phone that you want both counseling and birth control. They will schedule in extra time for you that way.

I also would recommend subscribing to some magazines aimed at teens and people in there early 20's, a lot of them have some great tips and fun articles that talk about sex in a way that will make you feel more comfortable with the topic. I remember finding Seventeen really helpful for little sex tips here and there when I was new to it. And the great part is that the magazine is about more than just sex- fashion, celebrity gossip, confessions etc, so the cashier will have no idea what your real motive is behind buying it

Honestly- I'd consider having sex ahead of time.

My hubs and I were dating for 6 years almost exactly when we got married. 3 of which were sexless- and it put a bit of a strain on us- but that being said- the first time- was awful.

we both I think had hopes of a romantic weekend away- and it woundup being me calling out of work and we made the decision to stay in bed all day.

And boy- was I glad we didn't- it was not.good. At all. Thankfully we both had a good laugh at it and were able to move on and improve. But I've had bad sex.

And it's bad. Like I broke up with him because of it bad.

But if you chose not to do that- please keep in mind- you're putting a tremendous amount of pressure on yourself to have sex the night of- you'll be exhausted- and one of you will likely be drunk (if not both) and that is it's own set of possible challenges.

I'd recommend heavy fore play/petting and using your hands- both of you. and no expectation of sex. it'll make it a lot better for you.

Also- if you aren't doing anything with yourself- you should start.

Start with oral and lots of foreplay. Realise that the first time with any partner is not the best, so lower your expectations. You also need to direct. I hope that like O&S asked, you at least masturbate so you know how you like to be touched and you can direct your partner to do so.

Lots and Lots of Foreplay and Yes absolutely get some Lube....

Please dont go into it thinking its going to be this wonderful explosive fireworks and hearts floating around.... it is going to hurt! And since your FH is not experienced its going to be very awkward for both of you.... But please know it will get better..... it may take awhile before you actually like it but you will!!!

Take your time! Be honest! and No EXPECTATIONS! .....

Definitely have a drink or two to help calm your nerves. If you don't drink or aren't old enough, try setting the mood a little bit. I'm sure your SO will be nervous. Don't have high expectations though. It's the first time for both so it will only get better with time.

If I think back to my first time, alcohol definitely helped. Made me more adventurous and less worried about the process and what I looked like, was I doing it right, etc. You guys should talk about it now and how you know it will be funny and awkward just to be ready. (Assuming he's also a virgin?) Good luck - remember if at first you fail, you have the rest of your lives to try again. Even after 5 years with my FH we still have some awkward moves once in awhile and try new things - its always different so just keep that in mind - its a great chance to build another part of your relationship.

Finally, if you aren't planning on having children immediately, I would consider going on the pill now. In my opinion condoms are a downer...but that's personal preference - talk with your OB-GYN.

To add to KSera, a lot of guys have a hard time staying "hard" putting a condom on.

Take it slow, I mean, the perfect first night for you may just be sleeping fully clothed together. Assuming that this is ALL new and you have never even been in bed together before, that alone could be overwhelming. Try not to overthink it or set dates for when you have to accomplish what... just take it at your own pace and make sure he is respecting yours and you are respecting his pace as well.

Are you even old enough to drink? And I don't mean that in a snarky sarcastic way. A glass of wine will relax you but how do you obtain said wine if you're not old enough.

One of my student employees married her first boyfriend during their junior year of college. I worked at a Christian College where getting your MRS degree was more important than anything else. They didn't do anything but kiss leading up to the wedding. Her mom actually terrified her telling her about the wedding night and "meeting a man's expectations". This girl felt so awkward and uncomfortable having sex even when she was married that they didn't have vaginal intercourse until 6 months into their marriage.

Basically what I'm getting at is make sure you're comfortable. Make sure YOUR expectations are being met as well. Take your time. If you don't want to have sex for a bit because you're nervous, don't push yourself.

Keep in mind though it might be very awkward. Sex might be awful for the first few times. Or it might be spectacular because you work that well together. Either way, don't get discouraged.

Pop an Advil about an hour before.

When you feel your body tensing up from nerves, stop and make a mental note to "relax" your muscles. When your body is tense, it's very painful to have sex. When you relax the vaginal muscles, it becomes less painful. When I first started getting annual pap smears, they would hurt until the doctor would tell me to please relax because I was tensing up my muscles down there and it was making it painful.

Also, make sure you do a LOT of foreplay leading up to it. Don't just let him ram it in there all dry. I read a funny quote once that women are like ovens. You have to preheat the oven for at least 15 minutes before you can stick the turkey in. lol It's true. You need to be seduced. Have him kiss and caress, rub you down there, etc for at least 15 minutes before getting started with intercourse. It will help. He will not want to do this, most likely. He will be SO excited and just want to ram it inside ASAP, but make sure you demand the foreplay first. You NEED it, especially for the first time.

Foreplay.

Lube.

Communication.

Knowing that the first time is usually awkward.

Sometimes it hurts, but it shouldn't *hurt* hurt.

Don't force anything, let it happen naturally.

Be fine if it isn't what you expected and/or if you don't have an orgasm.

And my personal favorite, have a sense of humor about it. I'm not saying laugh at him, but if your body makes a funny noise (and it does happen!), don't be afraid to giggle about it.

Remember if it doesn't happen or if it's not what you expect, you have the rest of your lives to practice!