Never ending family issues

Consider the source of the criticism. Even 25 years ago, when I was already working catering, buffets were pretty much seen as appropriate only for casual weddings, a step above a food truck or box lunches. Even then, more people were adding more upscale choices to buffets, and adding special diet choices, and most important, calling them food stations , always with a serving staff at each. That was the beginning of far more acceptance for buffets . More likely to be surf and turf, or one specific ethnic meal, or something like prime rib or a steamship round, not chicken with a yellow sauce. Your mother and friends likely married , and went to lots of weddings, among people who considered buffets declassé, and needs to see that people consider them more positively, not the low end choice, these days. ake sure you have servers, which makes service faster, neater, and keeps the bill down with no early diners taking more than their share, then discarding it.
Her concern with buffets being automatically cheap, is a common generational thing.

I think it's beautiful and wonderful that you want your mom to be part of your wedding plans, and I'm so sorry that she has been shooting you down. But this is your wedding, and one of the things that you learn about as you continue to plan your wedding, is that everyone is a critic, and not everyone is going to approve of your choices. And sometimes, you're just going to be on your own when it comes to wedding planning.

For me, I have a bridesmaid that I have grown closer to in the process of planning this wedding, because she actually is vehemently looking forward to it, and she tries her damn best to give me her opinions and options of what she wants and what I want, and I appreciate her for it. However, at first, she spent a lot of time insulting the choices I've made for my wedding, such as having a bar that only serves beer and wine, or deciding to get an Uber instead of a fancy limousine. I'm not gonna lie, it hurts, but I appreciate the fact that as my wedding day approaches, she accepts the choices I make, and is there for me when I ask for her opinions on things. Actually, she has been such a great help when incorporating what the bridesmaids are going to wear, and everything, so I appreciate it a lot.

In the end, what I think you should do is to stop trying to get your mom involved in something she doesn't want to be apart of. I think it's nice that you want to involve her, but you need to stick to your guns, because this is your wedding, not your moms.

I had issues with my mom just like the ones you listed. My mom is Filipino, and her circle of friends and family can be very judgmental especially during events and parties. We're also choosing buffet style and my mom flipped out saying it was cheap looking and embarrassing. We are paying for the majority (she's helping with the venue), so to compromise, we found a venue that included table linens and china (which is very rare in our area).

We're still butting heads on certain things. I'm very simple and laid back, while she's loud and ornate. So she's not happy that I want a modern/minimalist wedding.

My advice is to follow your gut and do what you want, while respecting your parents at the same time. Try and find ways to compromise, it might help her ease up and be okay with your ideas if you find a way to make her wishes part of it too! If you have to back away from her for a little while and not include her in some planning decisions, then that's okay too. I found that when I did that with my mom, she was easier to talk to since we both had a 'cool down' period away from one another.

Good luck with planning!!

Unfortunately, not everyone is as excited about your wedding day as you and your fiancé are. Since she isn't showing any type of excitement, I would stop going to her because you will only end of disappointed. I will also add that we had a formal wedding and our food was served buffet style. We also had a nacho bar as our late night snack and candy bar that was open during the entire reception. The food was amazing and my mom still raves about the salad even over a year later. The only problem I see if that if they are contributing she is going to feel she has more of a say as to what you do so I would kindly thank her for the offer to pay, but tell her you've got it covered. This way you can do what you want without having to run any decisions by her.

It sounds to me like you are trying to involve your mother in the planning process when really she doesn’t care to be involved and at best is making a few comments here and there when she disagrees with you. From here on out I would not involve her in any more of the planning as you are going to a lot of effort that is going unnoticed.

Beyond this, your parents paying for a portion of the wedding does not give them an entitlement to dictate what you should and shouldn’t do. If they want to contribute to the wedding they are welcome to, and it is very reasonable for them to expect you to listen to their suggestions, but at the end of the day it is your wedding and you get final say. I would lay down the law with her and tell her that this is your vision, that you don’t appreciate the way in which she’s been involved (giving very negative feedback) and otherwise that you’re happy to listen to her opinions but that she needs to respect your final choice.

I am curious about her constant use of the word "cheap" when disliking things? Is she someone who is concerned about looking poor/bad taste, or is she meaning something else by the word and just using it instead of saying something more descriptive on why she doesn't like the ideas.

I would ask her next time she gives this kind of response for more feedback. Why does she say cheap? What does she mean by it? for example, is it the fact that she associates pizza with Domino's not understanding that there is now gourmet restaurants that make pizza now? If she can't elaborate on her reasons why she says "cheap" walk her through your reasons why you picked what you did. If she still sits there saying your idea is "cheap" with no useful reason why and doesn't listen to or acknowledge your reasons tell her politely well we (you and your FH) like the idea and are going with it. Remember it is your wedding and at the end of the day your choice is the final word.