Never thought I’d be here...

What if you texted her that you need to talk and your sorry if your comment upset you but your happiness is really important to you

View Quoted Comment When we originally talked I said that. I texted again a week later and said I’d like to talk about things instead of going on not talking and I miss her. There is a whole back story of course, but I think it’s easier to be mad at me and blame me than to be mad at him or admit the truth. I’m not saying anything to the bridal party yet because I’m trying to respect her privacy and not spread her business but the girls are asking why she went MIA in the group chat.

It sounds like she isn't willing to accept that she's in an unhealthy relationship and would rather avoid you because she doesn't want to acknowledge that her relationship is flawed. Sadly you can't force her to open her eyes and see what type of person she is willing to allow in her life. All you can do is be there if she wants to talk. I lost someone I considered my best friend while wedding planning and it was very rough so I definitely understand why this is hard on you. However, I also found out the person was a backstabber.

View Quoted Comment They aren’t even in a relationship so to speak... which is why I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this. The situation is so absurd which makes me think our friendship isn’t what I thought it was. I can’t make her talk to me... and not sure what else to do. How long do I wait for her to come around before I address the issue with the bridesmaids? I mean not the details, but her absence in general.


I’m sorry you went through that. You hear stories all the time and I never thought that would a wedding issue I’d be dealing with.

Long term friends usually weather such things in time. But can easily lose a friendship by trying to fix things too fast. A mid March deadline is close. If you tell the others, Friend and I had a disagreement about something personal. But we have had a strong friendship for years, and we will weather this little storm, leaving her pride intact, not talking at all with others about her or boyfriend, she may relax her guard a little. Write her a real snail mail or hand delivered letter, not electronic. Say that there must be a way you and boyfriend can both be in her universe, without anyone getting torn apart. Ask for a truce, til both of you get past feeling upset, because you would hate to loose her from your life. .... Boyfriend my be nasty enough to want to see them break up. But you are her friend. A certain amount of respect for her relationships , because of their importance to her, is necessary. Be there for her, rather than aggressively pushing against him. Whatever she sees in him, she will open her eyes over time. But the worst thing would be for her to be so defensive about him, that she cuts off the good people she sees as attacking him ( whether or not you are, that is likely how she sees it.) That kind of isolation will extend her relationships with him. Treat her like she is fragile. The timing is terrible. But act like she is there beside you, and give her time to catch up.

I don't know the full story and I cannot give accurate advice. However, I can give some advice from my own stance and from what you have shared.

It sounds like your friend is afraid to face the truth of it all. "If I don't see the problem, it does not exist." Your friend has to be willing to see things. If she doesn't there is not a whole lot you can really do to help her. I am sorry you are going through this. It really is a rough situation to be in. I was in a very toxic marriage. I lost many friends because of the man I was with. It was equally my fault because I allowed this man to overpower my mental health and my emotions in such a way that who I was was ultimately gone. It took leaving him and starting over to relearn myself. I am back in touch with one of my oldest friends, but our friendship will never be the same. My suggestion would be to send her an uplifting text or image that tells her that you are here for her if she chooses. I would also keep telling her that you don't want to throw this lifelong friendship down the drain. If things do work out and she comes around, I would be more reserved as to protect yourself. On the flip side, this could be a blessing in disguise. I know that a few of the friends I lost over the years were ultimately for the better. I just didn't see it like that at the time. Best of luck!

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The fact she is willing to deal with someone so toxic that she isn't even in a relationship with is crazy especially because it sounds like he is more important to her than her best friend. Since the bridesmaids are asking, you could just be honest that you had a disagree with her. I wouldn't go into details though.

View Quoted Comment Well said Judith!! Amanda, I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now. Although it is really hard (I hate not getting along and the type it keeps me up at night as I’m sure this is doing to you!) a little space for her to calm down and come to her senses maybe best. I have faith she’ll come around in a week or two. As someone who was always very single when my girls got married, I felt my own life wasn’t on track because my love life was crap. She maybe feeling this way (no one’s fault just life) and this maybe playing a part in her psyche. Praying for a reconciliation for you and her ❤️

Update: I gave her space for a bit and then texted that she is important to me and I wanted to talk things out. She responded and we talked. Turns out she wasn’t mad at me but more at herself and the situation. She wasn’t talking to me because she didn’t know what to say. She has decided to continue this situation with this man and I have decided to just listen to her when she speaks and not offer any opinions. There is nothing that I could say that she doesn’t already know herself. When she is ready to come out of denial she will and I’ll be waiting to support her. Just hoping she doesn’t bring him as her guest lol.


Thanks everyone for the suggestions and kind words! 💗

View Quoted Comment Thank you for sharing and I’m sorry you went through it. It’s scary how we rationalize mistreatment sometimes. I am most definitely being more reserved now that I know how fragile she is about this situation.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your heartfelt reply. Giving her time was what was needed. I made the mistake of thinking her issue was with me when in reality it was the situation in general and she didn’t know what to say. He’s not her boyfriend and to be honest I don’t think he ever will be based on his previous behaviors. He doesn’t know anything about her life really so thankfully I don’t think he would ever get invested enough to try to influence her decisions. I am just listening now when she talks about him because because she is fragile when it comes to that topic.

View Quoted Comment Good that things have turned around. The timing made you particularly sensitive this time round, but most friendships weather bumps bigger than this, if initial anger ( or sometimes EGO) does not bring on words that destroy things . Waiting things out, and a lot of understanding, goes a long ways.

Unless there is something coming up quickly that she needs to be "on" for, I would give her some space and not make a quick decision now to cut her from the BP. Give her a few weeks to cool down if possible, and then approach her again. Apologize if she feels you overstepped your boundaries, but you weren't being malicious. Maybe she feels you're only being this way because you don't want her happy/want the attention of loooove on you, despite how irrational it is, I can see and have been subjected to a mindset similar when a friend was basking in wedding bliss and had nothing nice to say about my partner (she was right, but it took stepping away for a few to see that).