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New Husband and i can't sleep at night

Something, on April 7, 2020 at 3:07 PM Posted in Married Life 0 15
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Hello,

My husband and I have been married for 2 and 1/2 weeks, and we can't sleep at night. Everything else is great, but that. We never slept in bed together before we were married and we haven't with anyone else either, so this is new to us, but it shouldn't be this hard (I'm 22 he's 23). Neither of us really kicks or snores or is a blanket hog, but we wake up at least 10 times a night, being modest. We're both exhausted during the day because of our sleep quality. We did have a hard mattress which contributed to bad sleep (and my bad back) so we got a new, softer, mattress which is great and no more back pain for me, but we still can't sleep. We also have similar sleeping climates, I release a lot of heat at night but he uses a fan for white noise so that helps with the heat. Does anyone have any experience or knowledge of what could be contributing to our bad sleep or what we could do to help? Thank you.

15 Comments

  • Kathryn
    VIP August 2020
    Kathryn ·
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    Have you tried just laying next go each other in bed? The first night my hubby slept over was the first night I had slept next to anyone in years, and we both woke up several times and also barely slept. But a few more times and we found that we could relax into deeper sleep next to each other. It may just be pillows, your comforter. It might also just be an adjusting period and anxiety that is getting to everyone these days. Maybe try a cup of chamomile and snuggling before you go to sleep, no screens. That my hubby and I's go to - we make sure we have a few minutes to just talk and cuddle before we sleep. Definitely helps the mental reset. Good luck!
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I see what you mean! i remember when my husband and i were dating i had a hard time adjusting to sleeping in the same bed as him. adding on to what PP suggested, sometimes it just takes getting used to someone new too.

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  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
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    Try turning the thermostat down a degree or two at night. Sometimes the extra body heat makes a bigger impact than we realize! Also, as silly as this sounds, is the bedding similar to the type of bedding you had previously? I personally have a terrible time falling asleep if the comforter is too lightweight.
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  • Kirsten
    Devoted October 2020
    Kirsten ·
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    It might just take some time to adjust. My ex and I shared a bed and I was used to sleeping next to someone. I sleep alone now but sometimes my FH falls asleep next to me and I wake up a million times before he finally leaves. I get too hot, positions are wrong, etc. I suggest giving it time and try what other PP said.
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  • Emly
    Expert June 2020
    Emly ·
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    Your not alone here! FH and I have been together and sleeping in the same bed for 3 years and i haven't quite figured it out.. He sleeps fine, I don't. I need everything to be absolutely perfect in order to have a good night sleep and FH's snoring really is not helping anything. I've used a noise machine.. that doesn't work. The only thing that kind of works is Meletonin.. This helps me fall asleep but not stay asleep. So admittedly most nights I fall asleep in the same bed but move to our guest bedroom and sleep. It breaks my heart and I feel like something is wrong with me but its either get a good night sleep that helps our relationship because I'm not crabby or be sleep deprived lol. Its not ideal thats for sure but it works for us and thats all that matters.

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  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
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    We had/still have this problem sometimes. My FH lets me go to bed before him because I have a harder time falling asleep, especially if he is breathing loudly or snoring. So I go to bed earlier and he waits about an hour then comes in. We also sleep with separate blankets. I know you said neither of you are blanket hogs, but it helps a lot. He likes lighter blankets and I like those big plush blankets. Since we did that, we’ve both slept much better.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I have like the exact opposite problem. I'm so used to sharing a bed with my husband that I can't fall asleep without him. My suggestion would be to try different sleeping positions. Maybe switch sides or cuddling before actually trying to sleep.

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  • Izzykern
    Super April 2021
    Izzykern ·
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    My FH and I have lived together for 2.5 years now and it was definitely challenging at first. But we make it a routine to always go to sleep together at the same time and avoid screens for the last couple hours before bed! That helps our sleep quality tremendously. And if you are unable to avoid screens (especially during this isolation time when everything is online), be sure to use a yellow light filter or get some yellow light glasses to use in the evening! That’s what we do and it has helped our hours of sleep and quality
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  • M
    Dedicated October 2021
    Michelle ·
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    There’s a lot of research that shows people sleep better alone, so don’t feel bad. This is very common. My FH and I share a bed, but there are nights we don’t. We also have completely separate blankets/sheets. Complete lifesaver!!!
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  • L
    Super October 2020
    Leslie ·
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    Try switching sides. If he uses fan strictly for noise find an app on his phone where he can recreate the same noise. No tv or electronics in bed. Create a routine. Don’t feel you need to snuggle. My guy and I sleep with our butts against each other.

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  • Autumn
    Devoted July 2020
    Autumn ·
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    Same here! I never sleep more peacefully or feel so safe as when my fiance is next to me, and when I try to sleep even with him just working in another room, I find it 100x harder to rest! I couldn't fathom marrying someone I hadn't even fallen asleep with, but that's just me!! I hope the original poster finds a solution, I'm sure it'll just take time! All that matters is your love, you'll figure out positions that work for both of you to sleep soundly soon!! Best of luck Smiley heart

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  • S
    Dedicated August 2021
    Salem ·
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    Melatonin, cooler room temp, aromatherapy diffuser, And try letting one person falling asleep first like having your partner give you neck rub until you fall asleep and then maybe it’ll be easier for him to sleep once you’re out. Definitely will just take time getting used to each other and eventually you’ll both be sleep deprived enough that your minds will give up to your body! Don’t sweat it though it will happen in time Smiley smile
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  • E
    Devoted July 2021
    Emily ·
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    Try getting separate comforters or blankets!
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    This might just take some getting used to. Being that you always slept alone for 22+ plus years, then adding someone into the equation, is a big shock to your body and sleeping environment. Try new sheets and changing the thermostat a degree. These small things could make a big difference. But overall, I think your bodies both just need longer than 2.5 weeks to adjust to the new normal.

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  • Devoted December 2019
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    Try turning down the thermostat, using 100% cotton sheets, changing your pillow out, using lavender on your pillow to get calm, drinking non caffeinated tea before bed! My husband and I both run hot at night and the first time we slept in bed together I woke up a bunch and tossed and turned. I always wear shorts and a T-shirt to bed to stay as cool as possible too! And have a quiet fan on that rotates to keep the room cool!
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