New life

No one can help you make that decision. It’s something you and FH need to sit down and really talk about together.
Where do you both live now? How long have you been together?

Between health care and the cost of tuition (and gun violence), the UK would be a no brainer to me, particularly when considering in which location to start a family. BUT, that is my opinion – none of us can make the decision for you.

I suggest you both write down a list of pros and cons for each location, or compare things such as which country:

· is more affordable to purchase property in;

· has better job prospects for the both of you;

· offers better social security benefits;

· has better travel options for you;

· offers proximity to family and friends.

Good luck!

It’s definitely a difficult decision, but like the previous posters said, you’ll need to weigh the pros and cons and talk to your fiancé. Also, go into the conversation with an open mind and be prepared to pivot or change your plans if necessary. My now husband and I were long distance (me in Florida, him in Texas) and initially decided that he would move to Florida. However, as a federal employee, getting a transfer is already a slow process and has been even more slow due to CoVID and the election. So, instead of him ending his 18 year career and quitting is him to move to Florida, we modified our plans so he can continue to work (he can’t work remotely as he is an inspector with with the USDA) and now I’m going to Texas for a few weeks at a time since I can work remotely. However, our ultimate plan remains the same - he’ll move to Florida when his transfer request goes through. Family is important to both of us too so we’ve made an agreement that we travel to see our families whenever we get the urge. Once he moves to Florida, it will be more difficult for him to visit his family in Mississippi (no more weekend trips by car) but I’ve promised him that when he wants to go home, we’ll book a flight and make it work.

That's tough. I like the pp's idea about writing a pro and con list. My FH and I live in different cities that are 100 miles apart. I decided to move to his city. I was able to find a job with the same benefits and pay.

And his family lives there while I had no family in my city.

I'm in an international long distance relationship too. He's in Arizona and I'm in Ireland, but born and raised in London.


Wall of information ahead...
First off, have you visited each other in both countries?If yes, I'd suggest making a list of what you each did and didn't like about each country. From there, I'd say approach it like your wedding by establishing your essential requirements, your preferences and your deal breakers. You may want to spend more time in each others countries before you make a decision.
As a previous poster mentioned, consider all your connections: Family, friends and work colleagues. Does one of you have a slightly smaller family/less friends/not that close etc?
Do either of you have a connection with someone who might be able to help you get a job on either side or do one or both of you have a highly sought after skill or qualification?
Weather can also be a deciding factor.
Think about the logistical process of moving. Does one person have a lot of items they want to keep that will require shipping? Are there any pets or vehicles that you want to take?
If you moved there, are you already able to drive?
If you want children, will they be American or British citizens?
Which country do you feel would offer you both the best quality of life?
Whichever side you decide on, make sure you have done all the research and asked all the questions you have.
And remember that where you want to settle will affect your wedding plans.If you want to settle in Britain, you will need to apply for a fiance visa and marry there. If you want to move to America, then you need to get a fiance visa and marry there. You can get around this by marrying in the opposite country of where you decide to settle. Bear in mind that marrying in Britain will require a 3 month period to give notice. In America, you can do it whenever you want. Britain also have a marriage visit visa which your partner will need if you don't want to settle there. Also consider your timeline. As far as I know, the American system is much slower than the UK for processing both visas. You can be waiting for 9 months for the fiance visa, and about 12 months for the marriage visa. The American marriage visa will demand that your partner earns above a certain amount in order for him to sponsor your application, although I believe you can get additional support from another American citizen if you need it. I suspect that all visa applications either side are taking longer than they used to due to safety regulations now.

I'd recommend that all costs be added up before you begin, to ensure that you have the ability to cover them all. You don't want to add financial stress to the rest of the work you have.

As a final point, if you decide to live in the UK, there is a forum dedicated to providing information for Americans and their spouses. They will help make sure that you have all the relevant paperwork prepared to submit with your application, and they don't charge anything. They're all previous expatriates simply helping out. The forum is called UK YANKEE. 🙂

I forgot to add that if he moves to you, you'll have to meet income requirements too, but you have to do it alone, and his income isn't counted. It's currently 18,600 per year before tax.


I also checked the waiting times for the UK visas, and they say it's 12 weeks. 😉