I've got a few issues, and the solutions my friends proposed are not viable. Any advice on whether to say anything, and if so, what? I've been engaged for a few months. Honestly, I feel like I'm ready to "speak my mind" which probably won't end well. Here are my problems:
1) Holiday Divide: Both our families celebrate major holidays. Originally, our plan was to spend Thanksgiving at one family and Christmas at the other, then switch next year. I thought that's perfectly reasonable and normal. My parents have always done that (Having them come to us is not an option in our small, new home). When my fiance told them, his mother and sisters caused a ton of nonstop, weeks-long drama. My fiance "put his foot down" w/them but it's not helping. Because of this, I couldn't spend thanksgiving dinner with my grandma who just found out she had cancer. Both our families planned on Thanksgiving dinner in the evening so it was a pick-one situation. It also looks like I won't be able to spend time with my family on Christmas. Despite the fact this year we are doing everything with them, they are still bitter because they normally demand everyone go out of town to a city a few hours away for a few days for another Christmas celebration with their family friends. My fiance has had several conversations with them, but they "don't understand" why my family events can't be moved to other dates to fit their schedule. Advice? Should I talk to them directly? Lately, I've just been ignoring them/the problem but it's annoying considering normally I'd face this directly.
2) Future mother in law wears my ring: once, my future mother in law asked to see my ring to see how it fits. I showed her, and she asked to see it off my finger. She then puts it on her ring finger, and comments on how it doesn't fit her. Then, on Thanksgiving, my future sister in law wanted to see the ring. Again, the future mother in law puts it on her ring finger and comments happily about how it's a perfect fit for her now that it's been resized. It's just weird. Is this normal behavior? I can absolutely see this becoming a regular thing. From now on, I won't take it off. But I want to know if there's some sort of underlying reason she does this? Because all the women in my family would never do that because it's just for me/my fiance.
3) They want to see us every couple weeks: his family is very tightly knit. I see my family every couple weeks, but I go to see them directly w/out my fiance and usually only for an hour. His family will come with short notice (once I got about 2 hours notice while we were moving into a new house). They invite him to events every couple weeks, ask to come over (and when they come over it lasts half a day), and even if we go out to eat they then invite themselves over to the house for hours. If we say "we are busy" they will simply reschedule and if we say "no" they take it personally. Advice on how to handle this?
