nj vs. Seattle

Have you two considered him moving from NJ to Seattle?
My move isn't that big, it's 100 miles but it will be a little inconvenient. I have zero friends in my FH's town. It will be harder making new friends if COVID is still going on. In the past, I would do meetup.com to meet others in a hobby/activity. So I recommend that. Not sure of tour beliefs, but if you are religious, then I recommend meeting friends through church, etc. Or even meet others through volunteer work.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much! But he’s been applying to jobs here but unfortunately due to Covid it’s kinda hard finding a job.

You guys can meet some where in the middle to make traveling an equal amount of work for the both of you. Or move where ever the family will be more supportive. Me and my fiancé have this same issue and as much as I’d like to be near my family when it comes to having someone watching the babies for us it makes more sense to move towards his home town. My mom and dad are retired and travel often and my siblings and cousins are young they work and go out all the time. He has tons of aunts and uncles and two sets of parents that would take our daughter any time.

I'd recommend moving and living together before marriage (I know some people prefer not to live together before marriage, and to each their own, but I feel living with another person is really one of the best ways to get to know that person and if you are compatible for a lifelong commitment). It sounds like one of you is going to give up a LOT to be with the other person - to move away from family and friends to a strange area where they know no one - while the other person will be in a place they feel comfortable with an established support system and social group. That can put a lot of pressure and strain on a relationship. Working through that before marrying will ensure its something that works for you and will help avoid feelings of being trapped and lonely with no where to go and no one to turn to.

I would figure out where you both want to live and explore that before deciding on when and where to get married. You are young and still have plenty of time to plan a beautiful wedding.

I also grew up in New Jersey and HATE it there. I hate going home to see family, I hate the materialistic keeping up with the Joneses attitude, and the crowds. Some people love it, but it's not me at all. If I moved from where I live now back there, I'd be depressed and miserable, and I'd probably take it out on whoever "forced me" to go back there and resent them a lot. I'd be really careful about moving to a place you've never been to just be with someone else. Make sure you like it, or that he likes you enough to leave if you don't, before marrying someone and moving to a place you've never been and might hate. Marriage is about compromise. You need to find a place that works for both of you, whether that be NJ or Seattle or someone else.

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I agree with all of this.

Now, NJ is the BEST STATE IN THE UNION, hands down, will fight even DH over that, BUT.

It's expensive, it's crowded, it's a LOT, and it's nothing like Seattle. And, also, for a tiny state, we have a ton of different settings. I'm right across the river from NYC, but I grew up across the river from Philly. Totally different settings - I'm now urban, I grew up suburban, different teams, different accents, different pace of life.

If you're still in college, you have SO much time to try living on your own, or together, wherever you may find a job.

Don't rush. Decisions are always better with more information.