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Ella Marie
Devoted May 2019

No Bridal Shower?!

Ella Marie, on February 18, 2018 at 7:38 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 30
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So I’m leaning towards *not* having a BS for a couple reasons..One because my fiancé and I have been living together for the past 5 years and we have accumulated a whole bunch of stuff. We really honestly don’t need anything. Two we’re having a destination wedding. We’re only inviting super close family like parents, close aunts/uncles, cousins and grandparents and then our bridal party of 12 who are our best friends! I’d feel completely awful inviting someone to my bridal shower who is not coming to the wedding. That just seems wrong to me. And Three because we are having a DW, I feel bad asking people for gifts who are already coming down and paying they’re way down for the wedding. I know our wedding day is about us, but it’s also an event for our families too! I’m keeping prices and everything in mind for the sake of everyone!

So my question is...is it wrong to not have a shower? Besides (don’t kill me for saying this to those who love it lol!!) but I think a lot of the games and stuff played at bridal showers are corny lol!!

30 Comments

Latest activity by Erica, on February 20, 2018 at 3:59 PM
  • Ashley
    VIP December 2018
    Ashley ·
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    I didn’t have a bridal shower. FH and I have been living together and I really just wasn’t feeling it. But some people on here are real sticklers about how *exactly* everything should be done, so idk what they’ll say. I really don’t see a problem with not having one!
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  • Xandria
    VIP December 2018
    Xandria ·
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    BS are SO not required!
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  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
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    Lots of brides don't have a shower. Someone has to volunteer to host and that doesn't happen for everyone.

    I don't think there is any breach of etiquette in having a bridal shower with a destination wedding, but given that the guest list for the shower must come from the guest list for the wedding, you are limited in who the host can invite.

    I also think it is kinder to not have a shower. You are already asking these people to spend a lot on your wedding.

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  • Denise
    Expert June 2018
    Denise ·
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    I won't be having one because FH and I don't need anything either. It would've been a waste of time and money. So my sister (my MOH) is just planning my bachelorette huge !
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  • C
    Master July 2018
    Cuoghi ·
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    Not having one. If someone really wants to do something for you, have them do a brunch or a tea or something without gifts.
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  • Tabatha
    Dedicated April 2018
    Tabatha ·
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    I am not having one for the same fact that we are both in our 30s and we have lived worth each other for a while and don't need anything in fact we're trying to get rid of stuff. With that we are also not doing a registry in hopes that if any one wants to give us a gift they'll just give cash.
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  • firstoneat56
    Master August 2017
    firstoneat56 ·
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    As you probably know, you don’t throw your own shower so you wouldn’t be inviting anyone who isn’t invited to your wedding. Someone hosts it for you and you would give her the list of people who would only be people invited to your wedding.

    That being said, if someone offers to host one for you, there’s no reason you need to accept. It’s fine to have one and fine to not have one.

    I did have a bridal shower but there were none of those silly games. Just a lovely, fun lunch for 20.
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  • Heather
    Expert March 2018
    Heather ·
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    Nope your reasons are perfect for not doing it. As a wedding planner i would love to have more brides be this way.. Im about to get married myself and we didnt have a shower no bach parties no engagement party either. We live together and didnt need anything.
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  • F
    Devoted December 2018
    FutureMrs.A ·
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    I can’t get out of having a shower. But I’ve asked them to figure out a way to do it so people don’t wrap presents. My family is really into being environmentally friendly and I hate that weddings tend to just result in a bunch of junk that gets thrown out. No plastic cutlery, no balloons, or other cheap decorations that will just end up in the trash. Don’t feel obligated if you don’t want one!!
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  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2018
    Alexis ·
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    I probably won’t have one. My entire bridal party lives out of state so there’s no one to host it. Plus, like you said, we live together and don’t need a lot.
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  • A
    Dedicated September 2018
    Allicia ·
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    Wow these responses are much different then mine when I asked this same question! I really don't think I'll have one either because we have a toddler and have been living together for 3 years. I was told on my thread that if I don't register or have one then ill be implying that we just want money! Which is so far from the truth! Our wedding is also destination and small. If I wanted money I would invite 200 people who I haven't seen in 5 years lol

    Anyway, rant over. Don't have one if you dont want one!
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  • K
    Devoted May 2018
    Kaitlin ·
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    I’m not having a shower, either. Mainly because 1) we have lived together for almost 3 years and need next to nothing and 2) no one has offered to host one. Although, if someone had offered to host one I would have politely declined because of reason number one.....
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  • JerseyGirl
    Master May 2017
    JerseyGirl ·
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    I didn’t have a shower for pretty much the same reasons you don’t want one.
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  • Kiersten
    Expert February 2018
    Kiersten ·
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    I didn't have a bridal shower. We've been loving together for 4+ years and don't need stuff. Plus our wedding is out of state (as are 90% of the attendees), so we wouldn't want to invite all our local friends who we knew we weren't going to be inviting to the wedding.
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  • A
    Devoted May 2018
    Anna ·
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    If you don’t want one, don’t! i was told i’m getting one by my stepmom, fmil & a friend bc you have to have 1 & i knew i would regret it & well- yep lol. i was being asked to register at places & put random things on a registry that i just know we truly will never use or don’t care about. so- definitely don’t if you don’t want to.
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  • A
    Dedicated July 2018
    Amber ·
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    I’m not having one. My fiancé and I have lived together for 3 years and have a 1 year old. There aren’t too many household things we absolutely need! Also my bridesmaids are my cousins and dont live near me. 3 in NJ, 1 in PA and One in Vegas since we are all flying to Disney for my bacchelorette lol it’s too difficult to get everyone together again. Most of my family is in NJ anyway and we’re in OH. Too difficult to expect people to travel that many times in one year so I told them no shower. They however are going to fly in a few days before and we are going to do a spa day, just me and my bridesmaids, mani, pedi, facials!
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  • PBiazinha
    VIP May 2018
    PBiazinha ·
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    I was offered one and although I too am not in need for anything for our home (5 years together is a lot of time to accumulate things) and I too feel bad to ask people for gifts when we are having a DW it is not up to me. My FSIL who is also my MOH insisted and so did FMIL - I built a registry with some affordable items that I could upgrade and I will be thankful for whatever happens. When people offer and insist to do something in your honor, you should let them. If you were throwing a shower to yourself then I would say flat out no, but if someone is offering you one then I would graciously accept it.

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  • PBiazinha
    VIP May 2018
    PBiazinha ·
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    I think you took the information from here a little sideways. As adults most people know that you are to gift a couple when going to a wedding. If you have a shower or not, you should always have a small registry for guests that prefer to give you a physical item, if you run out of items on the registry the person will then give you a monetary gift instead or something of their choice. This does not mean you are asking for money, it means that as their choice, the form of "gifting" will most likely be money. Some people do prefer to get money (again, because most of us DO give something to a couple when attending a wedding so it's not a surprise that you will get some) so they will, purposely, have a smaller registry in order to receive more cash.

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  • Melanie
    Devoted March 2018
    Melanie ·
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    You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.

    if you don’t want a shower and friends or family offer, then ask them to do something different that you prefer - host a morning after breakfast/brunch, host a welcome party the night before, etc.

    we didn’t want any showers, I had someone get annoyed that I turned down their offer. I then realized they weren’t doing it to support us but for their own reasons.
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  • Ella Marie
    Devoted May 2019
    Ella Marie ·
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    Thank you guys for all you’re opinions!!! ☺️ The night before we are hosting a “Welcome Buffett/Welcome Dinner” at the Resort! My bridesmaids wanted to throw a shower for me but I politely declined! I said throw me a killer bachelorette party!! That was the trade off! 🤣
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