No Bridesmaids/Is This Tacky??

Okay... didn't want it to come off as that for sure @Jess!

I thought with the last part with not worrying with things, it would be a sign that they could just come and enjoy the day.

Sidenote: Quality over Quantity! , these are my three best friends so there's no other feelings that would be hurt

I have a friend that's not a BM but has been so helpful with everything. I'm getting her a gift to say thank you for being my "unofficial BM".

Trying not to feel defensive but I think this may be just one of those situations where ya gotta know your people. I talk to these girls everyday, we all went to high school together, and I am closer to them than my own sister. But I'm thinking if I clarify as I hand them the gift, they'll know as they're reading and it won't be a surprise as it is to ya'll. But maybe I can reword a few things too!

I'll definitley take everyones comments into consideration (that is why I posted this afterall . Thanks girls!

@Ruth, I like the "unofficial BM" wordage!

I like the thought, and the poem, but I would tweak the last line. They already know that they're not going to be your bridesmaids.

You know your friends better than we do, obviously, but I don't think the poem is necessary. It's really confusing. I thought it was going to end with asking them to be bridesmaids as well. You can give them the gifts and thank them for being such good friends without that poem.

Thanking them with a gift is super sweet. I agree with others, though, that the "as my friend, not a bridesmaid" language is weird. I don't think you should point out that they're not your bridesmaids. Just honestly thank them for being so amazing your whole life and especially during wedding planning. I also think that a handwritten note to each is MUCH better than a preprinted poem that you didn't even write.

I think the biggest honor is having them stand up with you and witness your union...what about asking them to do that wearing whatever dresses they want? Just a thought. If they are as good of friends as you say I'm sure they'd love to do that.

It's a nice poem, but if I got this I'd wonder why I got the message, I'd wonder if there was still going to be a bridal party, and if this was a way of telling me I wasn't in it.

I'm not against the idea of a poem or letter thanking me for support and all that, but this doesn't mention that you aren't having bridesmaids.

I like the thought, but If I got the poem I don't think I'd get the message you are trying to convey.

I'd let them know there was no bridal party at all vs just telling them that they aren't a bridesmaid.

are you having readings? that would be a nice thing to do that doesn't involve dress fittings.

I guess I kept it blunt like that because they already knew the whole no bridesmaid situation and were MORE than accepting of that! I actually got a "oh thank you response" from one of my friends But I laughed! I think it's funny how they feel the relief. And I would want nothing more than them to be relaxed and get ready with me and enjoy my day with me.

And our relationship is way stronger and different from others... I know I would never give this to one of my friends that I didn't talk to everyday, so I can see how it could come off as awkward.

I think it's cute since you already told them you were not having bridesmaids. Maybe just take off the last part about being a bridesmaids to avoid any unintentional hurt feelings. I wouldn't offended unless you were having bridesmaids, but I wasn't just wasn't one of them. Then, I would think it was tacky.

@StitchingBride, They already know about the "no bridal party" so I don't think they would get a mixed message. And they know considering my family and friends, they would be the firsts I would ask to do/be anything.

I think you probably know best the relationship you have with your friends...if one of my friends had told me she was not having bridesmaids and then gave me a card I'm pretty sure I'd be thinking, "Uh oh..." And I'd be relieved and think it was funny.

I'm only having my family in my bridal party, but I have five really dear friends I want to appreciate, and let know that they are more to me than just a guest even if they are not in the party, so I was going to give them a small gift too.

Thanks @Adjo03! I really know that they'll just laugh about it... I do think it's all about the relationship you have with your friends and I know they'll think it's cute.

I'll just be sure to clarify the whole no bridesmaids thing again and that it's just a token of appreciation as I hand it to them.

If it goes terribly wrong, then we'll all just laugh about it in the end so that's worst case scenario

I know you keep saying that you are going to say it's just a token of your appreciation. I mean, you told us that before I even started reading the poem and I still though "Oh maybe she's going to ask!" and then the disappointment at the end.

If this is a token of appreciation, why not just hand write a note to them thanking them individually. This makes it much more personalized. I feel like having these very generic poem things makes everything very generic which, in this case, comes across as you wanting to ask. Look, I've told my friend "Thank gosh. I want to save money for my wedding so I'm okay with not your BM." Doesn't mean I wouldn't want to. I was just being nice because the bride told me I wasn't one and I didn't want her to feel bad. I'm slightly hurt, but at the same time, yes I am glad I get to save some money.

@Jenja, are you hurt because she's having other bridesmaids though? That's understandable if so. But I'm not so it may be a different scenario.

Also, my wedding is two months away so I don't think that the idea would even cross their mind because why would I ask them so late in the game when I've been knowing about this for two months now?

I'm going to rethink the wording, I understand everyone's concerns with it. Thanks!

I agree the very end is just a 'tab' bit awkward, BUT, since you're meeting with them in person and you've already told them you're not having bridesmaidd, I think this will come off as intended... very sweet!

I don't know. Maybe it is? I think it also has to do with her actually telling me about it. It doesn't need to be brought up that I'm not a bridesmaid. I wasn't expecting to be a bridesmaid, so you don't have to tell me I'm not.

I still think a personalized note would be better because I see that these people are your really good friends. I'm sure you could easily whip up a nice note about how much their friendship means to you and that you want to thank them for helping you out.

But if you go along with poem. I would probably change the end to something more along the lines of "if I were having bridemaids, there's no questions asked, you'd be up there with me." Mention you aren't having them, but if you were, it would be them.

@Jenja Yeah, that's totally understandable then. I would've reacted the same way!

Thanks! That sounds good

I think that is a nice gesture. It shows that if you chose to have bridesmaids they would have been asked, but since you aren't, you just want to show your appreciation for their friendship. I do agree with the comments about the poem, while it is a cute idea it does come off as a bit of a disappointment. I think if I received that poem I would be so excited that I was going to be someone's bridesmaid but then to find out that isn't the point it would be slightly disappointing. As you said though your friends would take it as a sigh of relief, you know them best Maybe just write them personal letters saying why you are so happy to have them as friends.

It depends on the girl I suppose. If I got that card I would think it was you asking me to be a BM and then at the end I would be crushed. I know it can be headaches and drama sometimes, but to me it's worth it because it shows how special you are to the person. I mean they are already coming to the wedding as your friend, so this kind of seems strange to me. Personally, this would hurt my feelings in all honesty. If you really want to tell them that they are your would-be BMs (which is how I take this), then I would maybe get each a small gift or something or maybe even a button/other gift that says BM on it and tell them that even though you didn't choose to have a BP, you wanted them to know how special they are to you. I think that will mean a lot more.