No contact from daughter after I did not attend wedding.

Your choices were to be the bigger person and attend the wedding and allow her to choose her own escort, or to not attend the wedding.

To be blunt, you chose the hurtful option - to hurt her back after she hurt you.

Of course she's not talking to you. You didn't go to *her wedding*.

My mother declined to come to my wedding and I blocked her on all platforms, cut off contact from most of her family, and have no intention of resuming contact. They burned the bridges, I just got away from the fire.

She may have repaired/improved the relationships with her mother and stepmother, you may have done/said something she said was hurtful but you didn't notice.

Either way... yeah, this is your fault.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Unfortunately you were hurt by her decision, but at the end of the day she's still your daughter. Why let something like that come in between your relationship? It really seems like stubbornness honestly. Was not attending her wedding worth ruining your relationship with your daughter? Your feelings are definitely valid, I think you should've just attended her wedding and maybe let her know a different day your feelings.

I can completely understand you being hurt by your daughter’s decision. However, to give her an ultimatum because you disagreed with her choice for her own wedding was unfair. And to not attend one of the biggest days of her life where she wanted/needed your support and love has likely caused a deep wound which she may not forgive. If you ever want a relationship with her again, and with any grandchildren, I would apologize at some point (perhaps a heartfelt letter that explains how hurt you were but ultimately you realized by not attending her wedding caused just as much hurt and ask for her forgiveness).

On the surface, it does seem odd that she would change her mind at the last minute. Usually when there's a stepdad in the picture, brides choose the father who raised them or the one they're closest to, so I understand that you were shocked and hurt. However, we're only getting one side of the story and she probably has her reasons that she hasn't told you. Six years is a long time so maybe she has grown closer to her mom and stepdad now that she's an adult. Maybe he contributed a lot toward the wedding and she felt she had to include him in some way. You don't know the whole story between that side of her family.

Regardless, boycotting the wedding over this was the wrong thing to do. It sends the message that you care more about yourself, and getting the spotlight for 30 seconds, than you do about supporting her. Who walks who down the aisle is not always as big a deal as we make it out to be, especially in modern weddings. If you want to try to make amends, I would start with with apology and a very generous wedding gift. But also be prepared that she may never speak to you again -- your choices have consequences and she may feel she now needs to set boundaries.

I'm going to be very blunt here. You refused to attend your daughter's wedding, who you insist you are so close to, because she chose to have someone else walk her down the aisle. You chose the childish move of missing one of the biggest milestones of her life because you didn't get your way. It is not surprising at all that she has gone no contact. If you are as close as you describe, you being there meant the world to her, and you put your selfish feelings ahead of her want to have her father at her wedding. You owe her an immense apology, but I am honestly not sure if this is something you can truly make right.

She told you that you not coming to her wedding would ruin the day for her, but you still did that. This shouldn’t come as a shock to you that she’s mad, she literally told you that would happen.
I’m not sure why she would choose her stepdad and I understand that can be super hurtful, disappointing and maddening. But you punished her for that decision and that’s not really fair of you.
My grandpa didn’t make it to my mom’s wedding because they were in a fight and while they’ve tried to mend their relationship, she’s still so sad about it almost 30 years later. The only thing you can do now is apologize for your behavior (but you have to be sincere so I hope all these messages get you to realize that you’re wrong) and give her some space.

You were petty and ruined the relationship over her choice. That was YOUR decision. I can’t believe you are surprised that she hasn’t reached out. She told you how much you being there meant to her and you chose to hurt her because she hurt you. I’m not trying to make you feel worse, but this is a really REALLY hard one to bounce back from. You can apologize and grovel but you can’t change that you didn’t show up for her, so don’t be surprised if she doesn’t forgive right away. Although, based on this post, it doesn’t seem like you are looking to apologize (yet) because it still seems like you are looking for justification for skipping your own daughter’s wedding.


Her choice was an odd one, I agree, but none of us — not you nor I— know the full details of what went into it, and it may well not have been one that came easy, and it also was likely not one that left you out completely (there’s a lot for father’s at weddings, a special dance etc, that she could have been planning on sharing with you). At any rate having two sets of parents from the start makes for a difficult decision for her. It is absolutely understandable that her decision hurt you, I so feel that and feel terribly that things like that can happen. But you must realize that you made a decision to respond to being hurt by hurting her worse. This is a tale of two wrongs not making a right, and instead potentially ruining a relationship.
I don’t know what advice to give you, except realize she had a hard decision to make and APOLOGIZE. It’s not going to fix anything tomorrow. But the longer you take a hard stance that you made the right choice, the tighter you are shutting the door on your relationship. So unless you think her choice was worth losing a daughter over, start by accepting some responsibility and saying you are sorry.

You weren’t wrong for being hurt, but your daughter told you it would ruin her day if you chose not to go and you made that choice anyway. I’m not sure what outcome you expected when you didn’t go, but it seems like her not talking to you in the consequence of your choice to not attend.

I 100% think your daughter is at fault here. This was not a decision she made from the beginning. She changed her mind 3 days before the wedding after plans had been made. Everyone always says how removing a bridal party member is a friendship ending move. You are her parent that raised her. How is that not a relationship ending move to make? We don’t know her side of the story, so we know the whole story here. Parents dream of their child’s wedding day from the time they are young. Dads look forward to walking their baby down the isle the child while life. Yes this was your daughters wedding, but it’s a big day for parents as well. I do think your daughter is right to be upset as do you. Was it wrong not to go? Yes. But i think this is a crappy situation, that she caused. I don’t think you need to apologize (just to “fix” the situation), but I do think you need to allow her her space and understand she’s hurt just as you are. Hopefully as you have time to heal the 2 of you can sit down and discuss the situation and heal your relationship.
Yes I know I’m in the minority here in my thoughts. There’s no need to argue over it.

I feel like we’re missing quite a bit of context here that makes it difficult to really assess the situation. Why would she abruptly change her mind only three days before the wedding? Either way, the decision on who (if anyone) she wanted to escort her down the aisle is hers, and hers alone. You are not owed that. But, your feelings of being hurt are still valid. However that should not have precluded you from attending her wedding (unless there are other factors here, which again, I feel like we are missing). You were understandably hurt, made a poor choice, and now you both have to live with the consequences. Hopefully with time, you can work things out, and whenever that is it must start with an apology for missing her big day.

View Quoted Comment Cassidy, you are spot on! I was thinking the same exact thing regarding how many posters tell brides if they remove someone from the bridal party, it's a permanent wedge in the relationship. Fathers/parents walking their daughter down the aisle is one of the most sentimental parts of the wedding and to be told 3 days beforehand that the role has been given to someone else would be a stab in the heart. At the very least , she could have had both dad and stepdad walk her down (which I have seen on numerous occasions).

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I agree with this— assuming that it happened as he told it and that there isn’t any more to the story. Which there could be, but all I have to go off of is what he said.


I agree with everyone that you still should have gone to the wedding, but that her actions were so hurtful and so close to the wedding that I imagine doing a rational, dispassionate pro/con assessment of your options was probably too much to expect. That said, I do think it’s always the parent’s job to be the bigger person. You should always model how you want your child to act, even when they are adults, even when they’ve wronged you.
I think you should write her a letter explaining your feelings. As children we can forget that parents are people too, and like all people they can let their emotions get the best of them. Then see what she says.

My sister told our dad the night before the wedding that she wanted both him and our stepdad to walk her down the aisle. He didn’t come to the wedding. They’re now on speaking terms again, but it took a couple years for that to happen.

This is just an all-around crumby situation. The one thing that somewhat stood out to me is that you mentioned she always talked about how “mean” he was to her as a child. Many times what a child or teen considers “mean” is just legitimate good parenting and trying to keep a child safe and/or learn responsibility. Also, relationships grow and evolve, so her relationship with her stepfather is more than likely much different now than when she was younger. You mention that you live farther away from your daughter, but do the two of you talk or FaceTime frequently or do other things to maintain a close relationship? I’m assuming it was a very difficult choice for her to make and that this is something she has been thinking about for a while, but she unfortunately made a last minute decision that did not allow you time to get over the emotions before the wedding. What is done is done, but I hope the two of you are able to repair the relationship down the road!

Your daughter placed the nail over the coffin. You hammered it in. I don't know why she would make such a hurtful decision so abrubtly. But by not going to the wedding, you told her where you stand, and she's responding accordingly.

I'm so sorry this has happened. I'll just echo what some of the others have said about not knowing her whole story. Did she give you an explanation? Not that any explanation would have helped you but she had her reasons for ultimately making that decision. And the fact it was last minute leads me to believe she wrestled with it and decided to do what was in her heart. As parents, we just want our kids to be happy, especially on their wedding day. You made the decision to focus on your hurt instead of what she wanted. Give her some space.


Also, this is exactly why I'm not having neither my dad or my stepdad walk me down the aisle. It's needless and stressful and I'd rather just avoid it this outdated tradition.

I have two dads (well, had; one died in 2019) and was raised more by my step-dad than my biological one. I didn't have anyone walk me down the aisle, partly because I wouldn't have wanted to choose between my dads. So, my situation is very different from your daughter's. But I wanted to respond to agree with everyone else that you made a poor choice to punish your daughter for her decision.

I can sympathize with your hurt feelings when she changed her mind, but I cannot sympathize with your hurt feelings NOW at being shut out after refusing to attend your daughter's wedding. You should have been the bigger person (you're her dad!). It would have been fine to tell your daughter that she hurt your feelings, but you should still have shown up with a (fake, if needed) smile on your face.

And a side note about you repeatedly mentioning that your then-teenage daughter used to complain about her step-dad. That is not at all relevant to the present. I had two step-parents and have complicated, evolving relationships with all my parents. It's not fair to hold the complaints of a teenager many years later if that now adult person has moved on.

View Quoted Comment I’m so happy to read that someone also feels that the dad had a good reason to pass! I think it was very cruel and manipulative to hurt her father that way, and then say her day would be ruined. Changing her mind she did was very hurtful and created completely unnecessary drama. I have no regard for the stepdad, willing to do this!!