No Financial Help

I understand and I have been married before and I know how much money was needed didn't have much help then either. All I want to do is elope my fiancée want the whole big wedding thing since he his mom youngest but I want to keep all my money. I'm over this and the parent helping is old most parents not helping anymore. What's up with that I have a lot of time I still have hope so one will offer to pay for at least one vendor.

You are definitely not alone. My first marriage, we had saved enough from working after last semester of college paid for in Nov, not a lot, $5000, and set a smallish guest list, my big family, but him the only child of 2 generations of only children, thus, grandparents and parents. And 12 of our friends, each, and old family friends, 12 total. And had a small chapel, free, and across the green, a small restaurant , that made a limited menu of 10 choices of meals that were usually in their $35-40 range, which included all beverages and desserts, not liquor, 75 people, $50 each, plus the restaurant had a BYOB license , $200 in hard liquor, mixers covered under meal cost. 4 hours, for only the meals cost. With taxes and tips, just under the wire for our budget. I had made my gown, and aunt who is a professional costume maker for a ballet, made great BM gowns for 3. So 3 weeks away, all set. Each had a few hundred in the bank extra. We had a buyer lined up for FI old sports car, had been his 16th birthday gift. My parents had offered money, we said no. They said their wedding gift to me would be paying my first semester of grad school in the fall. All happy. His wealthy patents had been trying to throw money at us since march, on the condition that we wait a year, and go from 75 guests to 250, so all of my family not just immediate, could come, and about 100 or so of their friends. Not what we wanted. Looked like $75,000 of MIL misery to us. We said, No. No. No. 3 weeks before the wedding we called in our numbers, not having had to talk to the venue for 2.5 weeks. Last 1/2 due before wedding. And found that 12 days before, MIL went to them, said acting for us, and cancelled, paying the last half due, in addition to what we paid, and 20% more for the convenience. 10 minute drive from Dartmouth, weekend before graduation, they rented out the space again in 24 hours. When we found out, it was too late. MIL had put money down for a resort hotel ballroom and grounds wedding, 12½ months later, so pleased with her coup, had upped the budget to $100,000. Nothing we wanted. We got married in front if some friends, in Colorado, 2000 miles from home, and our colleges. 5 days after we planned, whole wedding cancelled. . . The second time around ( widowed) my now hubby and I worked huge number of extra hours, finished paying off our respective grad school loans, then worked new jobs and second jobs, to save up 15K, and 6 years after the first mess, got exactly the wedding we wanted, huge families both sides, all our closest friends except a few in Europe or Army who could not attend. It was everything we wanted. When our parents offered a few thousand more, we said, No. And my mom said, some of your friends and cousins, both sides, just out of school or army, or just with new baby, likely won't be able to come for the 3 day weekend. In the end , my parents paid lodgings and regular meals for 3 days for 8 couples ( inc 3 newborns). His parents did the same for his 4 younger brothers and sisters still in college, and 2 of his brothers families. We paid for everything, enjoyed planning together, and even took some pride in having managed it ourselves. Only a 5 month engagement, and our first joint venture a howling success. Money is not everything you need. You cannot buy happiness.

I hope you have a wonderful wedding, and a few more envelopes of cash than you ever expected. To a long and happy marriage.

Yea, it sucks but we're making it through. We decided since it's 100% on us, we're eloping where we can still have a few guests so we have just our immediate family coming. Since it's not expensive, we're going to do it in Hawaii and then just turn that trip into our little honey adventure.

You are not alone... we are paying for everything for our wedding except for the flowers. We also decided to do a small wedding 40 guest but are are definitely also feeling the financial stress of it.

View Quoted Comment Omg!!! I swear I have said this like a thousand times!

Same! I feel so jealous and then mad that I feel that way because I could do so much if I only had the money!... I'm trying to get over it and just remember that it's going to be beautiful either way... and the best part is I'm marrying my best friend with or with out parents help or financial help. congrats on days away!

We are paying for our wedding 100% ourselves as well, with the exception of my mom - who paid 500 towards my wedding dress.

Feel that.... 😭 can’t help but feel a bit jealous! But like others have said I do like the feeling of no strings attached, not owing anyone anything.

When we started the process, we had absolutely no offers of help, and so I budgeted and planned as such, and made sure that whatever I did, I could 100% afford. (Being only 21 didn’t help!) Now I have gotten some offers ie. wedding cake from mom, and I feel okay about it since I know that it’s not something I wouldn’t have been prepared to pay for myself. I’m the youngest and first in my fam to get married, but I have a single mom struggling with cancer, so obvs my voluntary expenses are kind of on the back burner!

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You. Are. Awesome. Love your attitude! Best wishes!

View Quoted Comment Thanks girl!! Likewise!! Like one poster said in here, a wedding is an optional party/celebration that you/your spouse choose to have. We fully made that responsibility ours alone when we chose not to just get married at the courthouse.

I am in the same boat. Working with a 2000 dollar budget. I'm like 500 dollars over. All on little things to finish. My name is Jeff. If any one can help. Our wedding is this Wednesday September 25th. My number is 318 592 1669

Yes, we are doing it in our own. I was married once before and my dad is a notorious cheapskate who informed all his friends “one per customer, I’m not touching this one!” Never mind I was widowed and it wasn’t my fault my first marriage ended. We are trying to put away money each month and FH and I are both working two jobs. It’ll be fine.

Hi all!! I looked up this post bc I am starting to freak out a little... I am getting married June 2021 so I have time yes but I am sure as you all know the pandemic is changing a few things to where my FH is having a hard time holding a job due to places closing. I am positive by next year for the wedding all will be good but I am worried about staying to pay things along the way which will be starting this June. What type of things did you all cut back on or making sure payments towards the venue flowers & all was done on time.

View Quoted Comment We booked and paid deposits for all the “essentials” first or things that were important to us — venue, photographer, videographer, dress and DJ. Basically any vendors that I knew could only work one event each day. We booked all those around the 1 year mark. Then throughout the year started booking the other vendors. I didn’t book my florist until 5 months before my wedding (although this one was still important to me, I knew if we had to cut our budget it was going to come from the florals).


I typically would advise doing payment plans with your vendors, but with Covid-19 and the uncertain times, I would try to hold off on paying your full balances until the very last minute. Most people who had to cancel their weddings are having a hard time getting their money back from their vendors. :/

View Quoted Comment OMG thank you for the insight this helps ease me a bit. Definitely not paying things in full until month ahead but make payments here and there. We have money to the side for the reception venue and to get invites as well as book our dj which is a friend of ours and photographer is my son... so I guess talking it out we’re not too much in a bad spot. Just overwhelming. Thank you much!

View Quoted Comment No problem!


I would just pay minimum deposits on everything, but still save for the wedding as if you were paying off the vendors. So instead of paying $100 a month to your DJ so that it’s paid off by your wedding day, put that $100 in a wedding savings. That way your risk is at the minimum (just deposit). During this time, I wouldn’t pay thing more than the deposit until it was due.
Most of our vendors didn’t require final payments until 2-4 weeks before the wedding. We also used our AMEX to earn points whenever a vendor didn’t charge a credit card fee. We earned quite a bit of points with that which we used to book our honeymoon flights (about $5k worth). You just obviously have to pay your cc in full so you don’t get charged interest.

View Quoted Comment Great ideas!! I do know the venue for reception and ceremony is asking for 20% down and then another 20% 6 months before then the rest 2wks before the wedding. So this makes sense to start putting this to aside. I appreciate the advice

View Quoted Comment I thought I was the only one - no help financially or emotionally. It’s actually been such a painful process, though it’s been clarifying about where I stand with some people. I realize how little people I have in my life celebrating with me.

We worked countless shifts of extra work and 70-90 hour weeks, to afford our wedding. Worth it. But at times, exhausting. You are in the home stretch now. Have a wonderful wedding, and a long and happy marriage.