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Savvy July 2021

No-kid Rule Is Upsetting Too Many People

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Kelli, on January 29, 2020 at 10:25 PM

So I’m getting married in 5 months and my FH and I have no kids of our own and do not want any children at our wedding. Period. We’ve made this very clear from the beginning but are still receiving backlash and I even have close family saying “well you guys just be selfish and I’ll stay at the hotel with them since they’re not welcome”.. implying they’d rather miss my wedding then go 5 hours without their grandson/great niece and nephew. I’ve told my sister that I love my niece and nephew but my niece is too young and wild and she’d have to be chasing her around instead of standing up with me as the MOH and my nephew has at least 5 tantrums/meltdowns a day (especially when the attention is not on him). I am not wavering on the rule and even my FH’s brother won’t respond back to him when he found out he couldn’t bring his 8 children. I get children are precious and adorable to some, but as two people without any children, we just want a peaceful ceremony and a fun-filled evening reception where people can enjoy the open bar and not worry about little ones running rampant or crying or demanding all the attention be on them. Are we as horrible of people as our family is making us out to be?

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181 Comments

Expert February 2020
Tanyia · on January 30, 2020 at 8:12 PM
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GIRRRRL— DO WHAT YOU WANT!! People tried to give me the same grief!! His sister even tried to hold out like she wasn’t coming because we said “no children”. My response:
1) Kids and an open bar— just as bad as texting and driving.
2) you pay sitters to watch your kids so you can— date night/go clubbing/bowl/travel or what else, so please follow suit. 3) no means no in every situation.
4)No kids. Not sorry. It’s my wedding, not a family reunion
My wedding is in 29 days. You best believe I stuck to my guns. The sister got her herself together and miraculously found a sitter. Our friends did as well. For those who didn’t— they didn’t. There is ONE couple not coming because of our “rule”... guess what— I didn’t die! And neither will they.
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Just Said Yes November 2021
Jessica · on January 30, 2020 at 8:21 PM
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I don’t think there is anything wrong with not wanting them there. Kids can be wonderful, but like you said can be prone to meltdowns and a distraction for the parents & keep them from being able to fully enjoy the event... not to mention the additional expenses. Ultimately it’s your day & you are not obligated to have kids there. They will need to find a way to cope!
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Expert February 2020
Sara · on January 30, 2020 at 8:32 PM
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If you don't want kids, don't invite kids..and do not let anyone make you feel bad for your decision. It's your wedding. It's ridiculous for your family to try to manipulate you into allowing children to come by guilt tripping you. Since youre selfish I guess I'll have to stay at the hotel with the kids..haha okay..have fun with that. I have no patience for crap like that. Nothing needed to be said. If they don't like it, they should respectfully decline the invitation like a grownup.

I love my daughter more than anything..but not everyone wants her at their wedding..and I respect that. It doesn't make me mad to get an adults only invite. If I didn't have a child, I would definitely be having an adults only wedding.
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Savvy July 2021
Kelli · on January 30, 2020 at 8:33 PM
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Thank you! That is the big thing.. we’d even be willing to set up babysitters and our wedding is only going to be 5 hours so I just don’t understand the big pushback. Given that it’s a nighttime event too, it just doesn’t make sense
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Savvy July 2021
Kelli · on January 30, 2020 at 8:35 PM
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If you think requesting the presence of our adult friends for 5 hours for a night time event makes us selfish, than personally I would not want you at the wedding anyways 🤷🏼‍♀️
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Savvy July 2021
Kelli · on January 30, 2020 at 8:44 PM
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That is another great factor that others have posted as well. Our venue doesn’t offer kids menus so to pay almost $200 for a duet plate for them to not hardly touch would make me so angry. It’s just upsetting that my direct family (aunt and future mother/brother in law) don’t seem to understand that or care. We would rather have an adult there that would eat and be able to enjoy the open bar than a kid that doesn’t want to be there in the first place
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Expert February 2020
Sara · on January 30, 2020 at 8:46 PM
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I'm curious.. Why do you think it's selfish not to invite children?

I personally think it's selfish to expect an invite for your children if the bride and groom aren't interested in having kids there. Weddings are expensive and a lot of times..not even appropriate for children. I had to cover my daughter's face at a wedding because the garter toss got too sexual. Also.. Not everyone likes children running around and making noises..not everyone wants to watch what they're saying and doing all night because kids are present.
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Savvy July 2021
Kelli · on January 30, 2020 at 8:54 PM
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Thank you!!! WE are paying for the wedding, 100%, ZERO help from any of our family. Which now that you mention it, makes me a bit more cheesed. We just simply can’t afford for everyone to bring their children. All of our friends that have kids are super excited about it bringing their children and enjoying the night but my family is giving me the most push back. Like, I can’t have some kids and not others, it’s not fair so it’s a 100% applies rule
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Savvy July 2021
Kelli · on January 30, 2020 at 8:56 PM
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🙌🏼 Yes.. so glad to hear you’re standing strong too and congrats on your upcoming wedding, I hope it’s spectacular!!
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Savvy July 2021
Kelli · on January 30, 2020 at 9:01 PM
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Thank you for this too! You made such excellent points. We didn’t choose to pay for an open bar so that our guests would feel uncomfortable being able to let loose and drink and be a little crazy. We have friends coming from the Netherlands, Sweden, France, and Hungary and they love to drink and let loose and I know how much they can get “turnt” so adding kids to that equation? No thank you.
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Savvy October 2021
Rachel · on January 30, 2020 at 9:04 PM
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How is it selfish when she’ll be the one paying for the wedding? These things aren’t cheap. The people insisting their children should be invited are being selfish, expecting the bride and groom to foot the bill for their children.
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Beginner October 2020
Michele · on January 30, 2020 at 9:32 PM
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I am with you. I attended a wedding that was a hot mess. Kids scooting on the dance floor, crawling under tables, crying, screaming, laughing, running... and the parents did not seem to notice or care. It was horrible. NOT fun. If people insist on children at the wedding then they have no respect for the bride and groom. They think it is still about them. THEY want to go to the party and they don't care if the people of the day are comfortable or not. UGH. Stick to your guns and if they opt out, tell them they can watch the video.
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Savvy October 2020
Alicia · on January 30, 2020 at 11:06 PM
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If guests are going to complain and give you a hard time about not being able to bring their kids....shame on them! It’s not their wedding!!!!! If you planned your wedding based on the wants of your guests, it wouldn’t be special to you. We are having a no kids ceremony and reception as well and so far, most family and friends are fine with it. I know we will lose a few but it’s totally fine with us. My best friend went through the same thing you’re experiencing with angry family members but she stood her ground and had the wedding of her dreams. With 5 months to find a sitter for a few hours, you’re giving guests more than enough time to properly prepare if they really want to attend.
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Savvy September 2020
Sarah · on January 30, 2020 at 11:28 PM
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I had a kid-free wedding in 2014, and the upcoming 2nd wedding will probably be kid-free, too. It’s much easier that way. I don’t want to hear any screaming/crying during my vows!
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Savvy August 2020
Carrie · on January 31, 2020 at 1:24 AM
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It’s not selfish to stick to your budget. And I’d there’s one day to be selfish you’re whole life it’s your wedding day. Money doesn’t grow on trees.
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Just Said Yes October 2020
Margaret · on January 31, 2020 at 1:51 AM
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No your not its our wedding and they should understand that
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Just Said Yes September 2020
Lauren · on January 31, 2020 at 3:33 AM
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Heck no stick to your guns !!! I’m only allowing 3 kids my niece and nephews and they’re in the wedding. Also there parents are traveling from out of state so it’s the only option. I’m actually hoping someone will be offended and come at me with “why aren’t my kids invited??” People have NO business telling you what to do on your wedding day unless you told them what to do on theirs !
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Savvy July 2021
Kelli · on January 31, 2020 at 6:41 AM
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See, I feel kind of like a butthole because I’m including my niece and nephew in the “no kid” rule but for good reason. I love them dearly but my niece is just far too young to understand any of it and it such a wild child. My sister admitted she’d be spending the entire time trying to run after her. My nephew is just an age where he throws ALOT of tantrums over just about anything. If he couldn’t be on his phone watching YouTube during the ceremony, he would lose it and I just really really know I’d lose my crap if that happened. My aunt came at me for it and I just stuck to my guns but I can’t help but still feel selfish as a result of their behavior/reactions 🤦🏼‍♀️
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Savvy September 2020
Melissa · on January 31, 2020 at 8:10 AM
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I totally agree with you. Let the people be upset. It’s your day, you’re paying for it. It should be exactly how you want it and don’t make anyone make you feel bad for that. I don’t think it’s cute when kids are running around a wedding because they’re parents don’t watch them. Also when the kids are taking over the reception.
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Expert May 2021
Danielle · on January 31, 2020 at 10:49 AM
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We have one child a 14 yr old boy. We aren't having any other kids than those on the wedding party. That's it. We will not pay extra to party with kids. That's not the vibe were going for its adult, drinking, adult dancing and most of all adult actions. Our families are wild not crazy but we party when it's called for. Kids will get in the way for sure.
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