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Savvy July 2021

No-kid Rule Is Upsetting Too Many People

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Kelli, on January 29, 2020 at 10:25 PM

So I’m getting married in 5 months and my FH and I have no kids of our own and do not want any children at our wedding. Period. We’ve made this very clear from the beginning but are still receiving backlash and I even have close family saying “well you guys just be selfish and I’ll stay at the hotel with them since they’re not welcome”.. implying they’d rather miss my wedding then go 5 hours without their grandson/great niece and nephew. I’ve told my sister that I love my niece and nephew but my niece is too young and wild and she’d have to be chasing her around instead of standing up with me as the MOH and my nephew has at least 5 tantrums/meltdowns a day (especially when the attention is not on him). I am not wavering on the rule and even my FH’s brother won’t respond back to him when he found out he couldn’t bring his 8 children. I get children are precious and adorable to some, but as two people without any children, we just want a peaceful ceremony and a fun-filled evening reception where people can enjoy the open bar and not worry about little ones running rampant or crying or demanding all the attention be on them. Are we as horrible of people as our family is making us out to be?

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181 Comments

Dedicated March 2025
Jessica · on February 3, 2020 at 4:14 PM
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🙄 people are too quick to be offended. Maybe that’s why depression rates are so high. If you analyzed the comments you would see no kids isn’t meant to offend your life surround by kids but to embrace the couple. It’s about the couple not your family. The couple’s unity. No need for dramatics.
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Expert May 2016
needmorewine · on February 3, 2020 at 4:15 PM
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It's perfectly acceptable to have a child free wedding. It's equally acceptable for people to decline to attend a wedding where their children aren't invited, or for any other reason they choose. Part of having a child free wedding is accepting that some people won't want or be able to attend.
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Dedicated March 2025
Jessica · on February 3, 2020 at 4:22 PM
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Sadder and sadder because you chose to become offended when people are clearly explaining why it’s not meant to be rude: “it’s not safe for kids, it’s open bar, etc” you chose to be offended even with my words. 😳
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Dedicated March 2025
Jessica · on February 3, 2020 at 4:23 PM
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It’s sad that you’re not understanding
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Savvy July 2021
Kelli · on February 3, 2020 at 6:33 PM
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I told my sister that my fiancé and I will have a whole day with my niece, nephew, and great cousin before the wedding. Me requesting that my wedding be adult-only, explicitly applies to everyone. It would be unfair to allow 3 children and not others and would only stir up drama more. And I’m glad you’re so attached to your child but that is not something I would take as a reasonable excuse to not partake in a 5 hour ADULT ONLY event. You come off as far too attached. Like you said, everyone has their right to their opinion so, you do you. But I don’t want any children spending the whole time at our wedding on their phone either.. especially during the ceremony. Some weddings are all about the family but mine is geared towards the adults and that’s that. There are plenty of other times and places in which kids can be around and be the focal point of an event, this is not one of them
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Savvy March 2021
Shelby · on February 3, 2020 at 6:37 PM
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Far too attached 🤣🤣🤣 he's my child...he comes before everyone else in my life, but OK....thats funny coming from someone who doesn't have kids of their own. Hey look....you do you....but you can't control others and I'm just saying...I wouldn't go 🤷‍♀️
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Savvy July 2021
Kelli · on February 3, 2020 at 6:39 PM
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Everything you said 🙌🏼 I may not have children but my 2nd maid of honor has two young ones and she’s ecstatic to have a day to get pampered and an evening with her husband where they can just let loose. It boggles my mind that anyone can get so offended at the thought that their child isn’t automatically entitled to everything in which their parents attendance is requested. Even if I did have kids of my own, in no way would I ever subdue myself into a life that has to have them attached to everything I do. I still want to have a career and personal life.. doesn’t mean I’d love them any less. And my excluding kiddos doesn’t mean I love my niece and nephew any less, it’s that I know them well enough to know that this event is not for them and it’d be mutually beneficial for them to stay with a sitter.
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Savvy July 2021
Kelli · on February 3, 2020 at 6:44 PM
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Get a little backpack and just carry him around with you everywhere until he’s 18 then... like? And even if I had kids of my own, I know that I would still want my own life and personality outside of just being a mother every once in awhile. I don’t get your frame of thinking but it’s your opinion and I get that. In the same breath, if any of my guests felt the way you did, well.. that’s one (or two) more open seats for other people who want to enjoy a fancy dinner and night out. We’d all move on respectively. Not your wedding, not your bill, not your rules is how I see it at this point. We get ONE day in our lives to celebrate US.. is that selfish? Hell yeah it is and I don’t even care anymore. Everyone should be allowed to be a little selfish on THEIR wedding day.. especially if they’re the ones footing the bill.
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Savvy March 2021
Shelby · on February 3, 2020 at 6:47 PM
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Lol....ok. You don't want to hear any I onions that are different from yours. Got it 👍 someone is super used to getting her way 🤣 I care more about my guests than I do about myself...but hey...to me a wedding is about family and friends...not just myself and my fiance, but everyone. ✌️
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Savvy July 2021
Kelli · on February 3, 2020 at 6:53 PM
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No, I don’t like onions. And I am quite the opposite, which is why I do want the day to be about us. I am always putting others first and this day will be an exception to that rule. Just as you prefer to have kids at yours, I prefer the opposite. You’re pretty annoying and self-righteous with this whole kid thing. If you didn’t have a child that you couldn’t be apart from for 5 hours, you may get it, but that’s not the case in which, go find another forum that better suits your ideologies and frame of mind. And if we didn’t care about our guests, you think we’d have a wedding where we’re paying out of the butt for them to be at? Letting them pick songs and food preferences? Having an open bar so they don’t have to pay? Getting them gifts to take home? Think woman, think.
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Savvy March 2021
Shelby · on February 3, 2020 at 6:58 PM
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Im not the one who threw the first insult babe...you are. I just said I wouldn't go, which I wouldn't. End of story...you were catty. You don't want kids...fine. I have my opinions about that...but fine. I wouldn't go. End of story dude
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Dedicated June 2020
Jessica · on February 3, 2020 at 7:21 PM
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Nope. It’s your day. No kids are invited and that’s that. They’ll all survive. I did whatever everyone else wanted me to do for my first wedding and I regret it. Not this time. We’re eloping, just the two of us, because that’s what’s right for us. Do what’s right for you and FH.
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Devoted August 2021
Erika · on February 3, 2020 at 7:44 PM
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I believe people should accept it. I've had people ask if kids are allowed, so far those that i said no to were fine with it. We are letting family members bring their kids. The rest of our guests will be just them and their plus 1. Not their children. So far no backlash...yet!
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Dedicated June 2020
Brittany · on February 3, 2020 at 7:49 PM
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My fiancé and I are getting married in June and aside from our flower girls, we made a disclaimer on our wedding invitations that it was an adults only wedding. No small children. It’s your wedding and you have every right to make any decision you want.
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Expert March 2021
Jordan · on February 3, 2020 at 7:55 PM
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That is just insane to me that your family is acting that way towards you and I think that is super disrespectful the way they are responding. You do you and have a great time at your wedding!
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Dedicated September 2020
Ellen · on February 3, 2020 at 8:14 PM
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Did you offer every adult guest a plus one?
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Savvy March 2021
Shelby · on February 3, 2020 at 8:15 PM
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Yes, of course. And a place to mark down how many kids so I have a head count...why?
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October 2021
Caryn · on February 3, 2020 at 8:27 PM
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No one would ever tell you that you ate rude to your face. Get real.
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Dedicated September 2020
Ellen · on February 3, 2020 at 8:30 PM
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Ours would, perhaps it is because we have personally called those who have kids, offered to help with childcare, etc.

We are quite real and mature, and our guests are the same way. We are incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by such wonderful people, but we have treated them with respect for years. We are quite real.
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October 2021
Caryn · on February 3, 2020 at 8:34 PM
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My feelings exactly.
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