No-kid Rule Is Upsetting Too Many People

View Quoted Comment For me as much as I love the kids in my wedding I’m paying for everything out of pocket and my venue is $70 a child, I just don’t have it in my budget. If my family want to pay for it fine but I’m sticking to my budget. For some people it has to do with money and the nature of the venue and nothing to do with selfishness LOL

Are they gonna have those 8 kids pay for their own meal?? I just find it so incredibly frustrating that people get that offended by couples deciding they want a kid free wedding. Do what you want to do on your day! I highly doubt that the kids themselves care if they are invited or not. My FH and I decided no kids at the wedding from the start. Luckily, even his older brother, who has 2 young girls, supported our decision and made it easier for us to stand our ground when we got requests to bring kids from other guests.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this completely. No kids means no one under 18 period, be it flowergirl, ring bearer or newborns. It does send the message that these children don’t have to follow the same rules. People do get upset by that but most will not say a word to the hosts. However as hosts, you are free to invite whomever you wish but you can’t get upset if they decline.


While many parents do choose weddings as date night, they also consider older children to be better behaved than unpredictable babies and toddlers who are considered the loopholes in the no kids rule, which is ironic. Also, children don’t learn how to follow etiquette and behave in social settings if they are never exposed to them.

View Quoted Comment Definitely agree with you. Children need to be exposed to a variety of social situations.

View Quoted Comment And YET it does not have to happen at my wedding, at the cost of my and my guests enjoyment and peace of mind, does it? There are daytime weddings that are suitable for children, and then there are black tie evening weddings I'd never invite anyone under 18 to. Some social situations are to be experienced after reaching majority, or did your parents take you dancing with them, or to a bar, back when you were a toddler? If a parent is unable to leave their kid alone for one night, they are welcome to decline the invitation.

Okay. That’s your opinion. 🙄

It's your wedding! Do what you want and if you fsmily still has a problem tell them how much it costs to have their precious child there. $26 plate, $5 drinks, $12 bar, etc. A wedding costs a lot per person and most locations/caterers will charge full price regardless of if they are a child or not
Even if they don't eat anything or drink anything, you are charged as if they do. Tell your family that this is your and your FH decision because it is your day. If they have a problem with it tell them not to come, yes it is very hard to do so but most of the time they will pout and come anyway if you set down your foot. Another option (my aunt did this) is hire a babysitter/nursery and inform guests to leave their children there for the duration. Essentially this stops any arguments of they can't find/afford a sitter or what if something happens and we are too far away or unreachable. Hope this helps and your wedding goes well!

Your family members are entitled and selfish.

It is completely reasonable not to want children at your wedding for all of the reasons you mentioned. We had a no kids wedding (exception was made for a 5 week old newborn) and every couple with kids made arrangements for childcare and enjoyed a kid free night.

Stick to your request. If people aren't willing to part with their little ones for a few hours to celebrate with you then they have made their priorities known and don't deserve the honor of being at your wedding.

My FH and I have 5 kids (****,4) and 2 nieces, 2 nephews (under the age of 10) I have requested NO KIDS at our wedding with the exception of the aforementioned “love trophies”. To be honest I think nieces and nephews should be invited and that’s it, just to keep peace in the family. But everyone else’s kids - nope. I fully understand your issues with the tantrums and the bad behavior, but that isn’t going to take away from your day. Parents typically know how to handle these things and if not I’m sure someone else will gladly assist. Ultimately it’s up to you. I don’t think you should feel bad about it and it doesn’t make you a horrible person either.

Excuse my language... "Hell No!" It is yours and your FH's day; a day to be selfish. Have and get what you 2 want! The family or the children are getting married. That's what birthday parties of age appropriate children and playdates are for 😉

You should stand your ground. I feel bad that people are being rude and entitled and I am going through the same thing. My own parents said they wouldn’t come if I didn’t let my sisters small children come (2 kids). My fiancé family all agreed and got sitters happily (8 plus children). At this point if you don’t want to give your last daughter away then our relationship wasn’t as good as it should be anyway. I don’t want to be blackmailed and emotionally manipulated at my own wedding by my own family.

I think while you don't value the kids presence, you matter to your family and likely play a bigger role than you think in their kids lives (you're an aunt, fiance is uncle). So, it can feel hurtful when someone you have elevated to your kids (Aunty M is getting married!) decides your kids are too annoying to have a wedding. They would value as adults having that experience (I got be at your wedding!) since presumably you will know the kids in your family their whole lives, and vice versa. So, I do think it's very hurtful even though I am sure you don't intend it that way. Just makes parents feel that you don't value their kids as family the same way they might be valuing you.

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Most parents love dressing up their kids and having them partake in major cultural and social traditions. Watching after your own kids and introducing them to friends and family is not babysitting, it's sheer joy. I get that you don't want kids, but don't frame it as a positive for parents -- if it were you'd give them choice.

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Parents won't share with you as your friends are classy but I am sure they were disappointed when kids were not invited. If were late evening they anyways wouldn't have brought them, nice to have choice instead of knowing your kid doesn't make the cut.

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Very modern weddings have become all about bride basically, but traditionally more of a family event... totally OK to do what you want obviously but try to see it both ways. probably one generation back there was much less choice in wedding details, mostly an obligation with strong norms set by family/society.

View Quoted Comment I wouldn’t say most people haha. I actually polled a lot of our guests about this when making the decision and I’d say about 95% of them said they wouldn’t want to bring their kids. So that’s when we made the choice once we had to cut numbers. Their reasoning was that they wanted to enjoy a night out without having to watch their kids the whole time (which I as a parent can relate to). So again, you can’t say most people… maybe for you but not for everyone else

Weddings are meant to be a celebration of love and life and that celebration should be shared with all generations, young and old. If we exclude children from these important ceremonies, we're excluding them from seeing healthy examples of love/family that they can mirror. It's also wildly important for children to see their parents enjoying friends and family. The root of the problem and perhaps why so many brides/grooms are suddenly excluding the younger generation is that 1. children aren't being raised to behave well in more adult settings...parents need to intentionally work on this; 2. brides and grooms are getting more egotistical about their view of themselves and their position in the world...check the ego and review your balance carefully. Lastly, look at the love you feel for your spouse. It's unquantifiable, right? When you have children, that love stretches and you will likely want to share as many happy moments with them as you can. Denying parents the ability to share the joy of a wedding (especially for close family members) is cruel. We so badly want to share our children with our sweet families and vice versa. In an era when it's hard to get families together, a wedding is sometimes the only means for reuniting family. Don't exclude the children from these traditions. It's a disservice to their growth as mature, loving humans.

View Quoted Comment People apparently believe what they want or what they see done in their own family but it’s simply not true that 1) etiquette traditionally calls for children to be invited or that 2) children are an all or nothing category.


You can host an event that includes children for the reasons you state. While many if not most weddings I attend do include nieces and nephews it’s definitely not required.

Sorry, just saw this is an old thread.

OP, I hope you had your wedding eventually! I feel so bad that crap hit the fan after you posted this!

I found this post when searching if I should feel obligated to attend a “no kids” reception. First, I’m a single mom and the weekends are the onlytime I have with my kid. I will be finding a random sitter for the 12+ hours, have to buy formal wear, and drop $200+ on a gift after already dropping $100 on her bridal shower. My kid is old enough to stay home alone for the 2 hours that the service will last, so by only doing that, I can save money on the sitter and formal wear. It’s for an extremely wealthy family’s daughter whom I nannied, but otherwise I have had hardly any contact with her since. My mother is saying that she came to my wedding, so I should for her mom, but her mom brought the bride and all 6 of her siblings (all about the same age and younger as my 11 y/o is now) to mine and didn’t need to get a sitter. Although, I’m not close to the bride (and, frankly don’t like her or her friend group), I do sometimes see her siblings and mom. Her dad low key sexually assaulted me when I nannied, so that makes me anxious, as will the crowd in general at the reception.My mom told me that the mother of the bride will never forgive me if I don’t go to the reception, but there will be 400 people there, and I don’t think anyone will miss me except my parents because it makes them look bad or whatever. My mom said that it’s selfish and all about me that I don’t want to attend, but I think it’s better just not to rsvp if I’m going to have an anxiety attack or can’t find a sitter. If this were my sister or best friend, I would definitely make it work, even though I still feel anxious thinking of my sister’s big reception.