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Savvy April 2021

No kiddos at our wedding

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Kiana, on March 3, 2021 at 1:05 AM

I need some advice! My fiancé’s brother is one of our groomsmen, and he and his wife have had their first baby. By the time of our wedding, the baby will be 5 months old. We’ve made it very clear from the beginning that our wedding would be a kid-free event. We had to postpone due to Covid last year and since then they’ve had their baby. My FH has talked with his brother but lacked the backbone to assert there’d be no kids. Basically he said “we would prefer if you can have SIL parents watch the baby”.
I’m not very tight with my soon to be sister-in-law and I’m looking for some advice on how to talk with her about it. We want to suggest that her parents stay near by and that she can go in a check on the baby if necessary.

My future BIL and SIL always just roll out with what they want and don’t always respect others wishes and I want to nip it ASAP! This would also be the first time my FH’s extended family would be seeing not only the baby, but BIL & SIL as they had been living in France until recently... I know this probably sounds a little crazy and selfish (but it’s our day—I’m allowed to be, right?!) but it’s really frustrating that they don’t seem to want to respect our wishes. The baby is pretty fussy and I really don’t want a crying baby present during our ceremony. We are finally getting our big day and I want it to be what we want.

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VIP August 2021
Katie · on March 3, 2021 at 12:35 PM
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Yes exactly this
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VIP June 2019
Hanna · on March 3, 2021 at 12:52 PM
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No kids means no kids, period! As a matter of fact, my SIL also had a 5-month old at the time of my wedding. She did what most normal people do for adults-only weddings and hired a babysitter. You might compromise by allowing your SIL to bring the baby to your rehearsal dinner, but I would totally put my foot down and say no to the wedding. Your FH is the one who really needs to put his foot down though, since it's his sibling.
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Savvy April 2021
Kiana · on March 3, 2021 at 1:06 PM
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Thank you for the reassurance! My FH feels exactly the same way as I do, so I don’t know why he’s being so wishy washy about the conversation. I’ve asked him if he’s changed his mind about the baby being there and he says no, so I’m like OKAY tell them😂
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Expert April 2022
Fred · on March 5, 2021 at 11:15 AM
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I can tottaly relate. No , you're not selfish for wanting a kid-free wedding.
I attended a wedding 4 years ago where there was a 1 and a half year boy and a 1 YO girl.
The ceremony was interrupted ... Thrice by both babies and by a 9 YO,very capricious kid too .They also cried, made scenes during speeches and ... during the 1st dance . Plus they didn't eat at all. These are the reasons why we won't invite any kid under 15. NO EXCEPTION, not even for our sibling's and my mom's partner's kid.Of course: some parents might be upset and will decline the invite ... but most of them will enjoy the fact they can drink and party without having to worry about tracking them down , being drunk in front of them or just the fact they can go out without them since they don't have many opportunities to do so.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on March 5, 2021 at 2:47 PM
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We are also doing a no kids wedding no exception no matter what. We went to a wedding a couple of years back where one of the kids was trying to eat the cake before it was time and ended up knocking the cake over everywhere, and not only did the parents not care what their child had done but also when the bride and groom confronted the parents, the parents acted like it was the bride and grooms fault for having the cake out in the open.
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Expert April 2022
Fred · on March 7, 2021 at 2:40 PM
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Woaaaaaaaahhhh .This would drive me nuts like 🤬 ... I don't even know how I would react to this.
It conforts me about our under 15-free event.
I'm glad my partner and I are on the same page on this. We used to feel bad since we both have a bunch of under 15 cousins+ kids of family friends. I'm done with this feeling! Everytime I read a thread about drama, arguments/fights - I feel like I can't be surprised anymore. Everytime, I'm wrong.
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on March 7, 2021 at 4:45 PM
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May be going against the grain here but I support exceptions for newborns and very young babies. They rely on their moms for food, and finding a babysitter capable of handling an infant is difficult. I wouldn't feel safe leaving my infant with many people.

As for crying, you can ask the mom to sit near the door and get up if the baby fusses, but also, will your ceremony be ruined by a baby? Probably not
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Expert April 2022
Fred · on March 8, 2021 at 1:51 AM
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* "really agree though I do not want young kids at my wedding, but unfortunately my FH younger brother is 10 (will be 13) so my hands are tied. However I won't have babies. I can't stand their crying. 🤦": I definitely feel you on this one.I can't even stand their crying in a mall/store,everytimr I ride the subway/light rail, etc ...
* "unfortunately my FH younger brother is 10 (will be 13): I'm in a similar boat about a step-sibling, so I feel your pain.
* '' I don't know what I'll do expect be a major bit*h honestly." : The same! I would turn into a "male bit*h" for sure😅😄😀.
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Expert April 2022
Fred · on March 9, 2021 at 5:53 AM
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Woaaaaaaaahhhh .It would drive me nuts like 🤬 ... I don't even know how I would react to this.
It comforts me about our "under 15-free event".
I'm glad my partner and I are on the same page on this. We used to feel bad since we both have a bunch of under 15, cousins+ kids of family friends. I'm done with this feeling! Everytime I read a thread about drama, arguments/fights - I feel like I can't be surprised anymore. Everytime, I'm wrong.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on March 9, 2021 at 6:00 AM
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The parents were seated at our table and when we heard what they said to others about oh he's just a kid and that kind of thing is to be expected when you have your cake out in the open. And what they said to the bride and groom our jaw hit the ground. My fiance and I looked at each other and were like nope we will not be having kids at our wedding.
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