No kids?

This is so personal. Kid-free weddings are absolutely fine by etiquette and are pretty popular these days, but some local or family customs might find it unacceptable. It’s a totally different vibe with kids versus without!

It's totally up to the couple getting married, and there are pros and cons to both sides. Inviting kids means that more people may be able to attend, but comes with a higher cost and hosting more of a family-friendly event. Not inviting kids saves money (less people to pay for), though comes with the understanding that some people may decline to attend due to not having childcare. An option that could give the best of both worlds is to provide a babysitter to watch guests' children during the wedding at an offsite location (such as at a hotel or at someone's house).

This is a personal thing depending on what is acceptable in your social circle balanced with what fits your vision. Some families and social circles view weddings as family events/reunions, and others are offended by the idea and feel they are appropriate for the 21+ crowd only, and some choose to not reciprocate invites to future family gatherings when kids are not invited to your wedding. There is no right or wrong but it’s not appropriate for you to decide for someone else what is appropriate for someone else’s wedding. For our families, it’s expected to invite all ages and luckily nearly all children are socialized (outside of school in adult settings) to behave in public without needing discipline or babysitters. The kids entertain each other without acting out because the parents take the time to socialize them and teach proper behavior, which the ones that people online for example say “children automatically have tantrums just by being kids” and get angry at the children as a result don’t bother to do in the first place. In the situation where kids are taught to behave properly and they are invited to events, then parents who receive invites that don’t include children have a right to decline if childcare is not feasible for them, and it’s not up to the couple to decide what is appropriate for the adult guests, nor do they have the right to get angry if the parents decline graciously. They can be hurt and then meet up later at another time but that’s all.


Most caterers have kids’ meals at a lower cost, and bartenders don’t charge for people who are not drinking. Depending on the venue, the cost of rentals doesn’t make a difference when they are included. Because not all couples automatically go for all inclusive venues only that charge per seat. So a child or multiple children really should not cost a huge amount extra as people would like to believe.

There is also a belief that kids in attendance always makes the reception feel like a kid’s’ birthday. That is not always true for every wedding. Many couples choose to have alcohol served and explicit lyrics and kids are not affected in the least. They are already used to the lyrics played at home or in the car and parents or other adult relatives drinking at home. Only if something is treated as taboo will kids act like it’s a forbidden treasure to discover instead of being unfazed. Our families are mostly devoutly religious and they still drink alcohol in front of kids at events and at home and play the occasional explicit song at weddings and home and none of the kids affected negatively or treat it as something they need to sneak around to do.

Adult only weddings are perfectly appropriate but keep in mind that child guests do not have to be an all or nothing proposition. Cut offs can be made by age or relationship to the couple.


Most couples in our circles at least include immediate family children which is what we did. The wedding was also about family for us.

As others here have said, this a personal preference kind of thing. Personally we opted to have a kid-free wedding due to cost and wanting a different vibe. We didn’t have any big arguments with guests prior to the day.


I do not recommend an age cut off though. Depending on the makeup of the families you’re inviting, that might rule out some of the children in one family but not others. So then in order not to be mean, you’ll start making exceptions for them to bring all their kids and then certain guests will say “how come they were allowed to bring their 5-year-old but I wasn’t???”
I know some people these days have been writing “adults only” on the invitation when they want a kid-free wedding, but I personally disagree with this tactic. My cousins did this and had family members angrily coming to them with complaints. Essentially it’s calling out who is *not* invited when long-time etiquette is to just write who is. We simply addressed the invitation to who in the unit that WAS invited, and if parents asked, we politely stated that only the names of those on there “could be accommodated”. Don’t say it’s a space issue or money because then they’ll try to “help solve it”. The few parents we told this to received the message without getting upset.

Erin has basically said exactly what I was thinking!

In etiquette land, writing “adults only” on the invitation when they want a kid-free wedding is a faux pas. As Erin has pointed out, it’s pointing out who is *not* invited on the invitation, which is considered rude.

I do think it's OK to have a note about kids on the wedding website.

On the invitation, just put who is invited on the envelope. On the RSVP card, put ___ 2 seats reserved in your honour. If guests write in more, or add seats, then a phone call is necessary to clarify.

I was thinking of doing the same, to be honest.

View Quoted Comment While an age cut off is acceptable etiquette, I agree with you that it is not always practical or advisable when it involves excluding some children and not others in the same family. It just depends on the guest list.


I also agree that it’s considered rude to put “adults only” on the invitation or IMO anywhere. Most people are fully capable of understanding a clearly addressed invitation by name. This kind of language is not hospitable or inclusive, which is what an invitation is supposed to be. If there are children added on the RSVP then you would contact that guest individually.

I didn't have any angry family members or friends, and you might not either. The posters above gave good ideas on conveying this thoughtfully and politely to your guests.

I'm having an adult only wedding, but my kids and my sisters' kids will be there. I guess that's not so much adults only...Lol. I have a teenager and a 3 year old, and they are both in the wedding, and so are my sister kids (12 and 6) I am only allowing my close cousin to bring her daughter who is 4. Other than that, no other kids. I say do what you want, it's your day and people are going to have something to say about whatever you do.