No one under 21 🚫

Your wedding and your fh. Stick to what you want!! What is your fh saying?

Eh, I personally am not a fan of arbitrarily cutting off a group like this. To avoid problems is always much easier to invite in circles (ie stop at 1st cousins). That being said, if you've already shared that this is how you are doing it, I'd stick to your guns. I'd just expect that you might have more declines from guests' whose families are being separated.

Stick to your guns. You can't make exceptions for some people and not others, this will end up causing more problems, I promise! You have good reasons for not wanting anyone under 21 so stand by it. You can't please everyone

View Quoted Comment I agree with this poster...

I’m doing that!!!!! And girl it is what it is.. it’s $80 per person and most places don’t discount for children. My FH and I are paying for mostly all of it so we don’t care about other opinions.

View Quoted Comment He agrees with me and wouldn't invite any of his cousins if it were up to him - of age or not. But he is trying to play devil's advocate because he knows his mother cares about this.

Put your foot down! I’ve been to a birthday party that was at a rented venue, the hostess got in trouble because her niece who is 18 and her niece’s friends snuck into the alcohol line and got really drunk.

We aren’t doing “kid cousins” which essentially cuts out everyone under 21, a few in the 19-20 age made the cut. My aunts are excited they can leave their middle school age kids at home and enjoy their time. If your rule is no one under 21 I would say don’t make exceptions, that can quickly snowball and leave people upset

I think you are doing the right thing by not making any exceptions. If you want a kid free wedding (nothing wrong with that) then that means kid free. If you make an exception for some and not others, you're opening up a whole can of worms. As long as you and FH are okay with some guests not being able to attend (lack of babysitter, etc.), then everything should be find. Stick to your guns, and don't let family members pressure you into changing the way you want your wedding.

I 100% think it's best to not make exceptions. I cut off in groups (stopped at 1st cousins) because most of my second cousins have 4 kids each and most caterers didn't discount for children. Plus I don't talk to them. Are you having a licensed bartender?

The venue is providing all alcohol/servers/bartenders. But they did mention additional liability insurance if we had underaged guests. The cousin in question specifically, will turn 20 the day before our wedding, so I would have to pay for additional insurance for one person while opening the door to everyone else under 21.

View Quoted Comment I would tell them no. It doesn't matter if it will cause problems. It is your day and if you dont want kids, then no kids.

Stick to what makes you and your FH happy. Don’t let people tell you otherwise or make you feel obligated to invite anyone you don’t want to.

If you are not inviting them because of age alone, that is arbitrary, and wrong. The dividing like in society is full legal adulthood at 18, not the drinking age 21. You started by saying, no one in your family, nor any friends that you are close to, are in that age bracket. It is legitimate to simply not invite these people, because you are not close to them At age 18, or if they left home and became self supporting earlier, the grown up child is no longer invited on the parents invitation. They get their own, or they don't, according to how close you feel they are to you. So do not tell anyone, no people under 21, because they will say they is wrong. Tell them, we invited the people we are closest too, until we ran out of space. The age is irrelevant. And why you did is proper. We did not have anyone 12-14, or 17-18, or 39-45, 64 to 78. Not because they were those ages. But because on the list of people we are closest to , no one in their age brackets. But why tell people the age brackets in which you have no friends or family. If Aunt Sue says, why didn't you invite my son John, or Aunt Peg's daughter Joan , say, we had to limit the number of people we could invite, due to space and budget. So we invited those closest to us only. John and Joan and I are adults who rarely see each other, now that we are grown and away from the family. Do not mention age. Do not mention underage drinking, which Aut could argue is nit a problem for 12 reasons. Just, we rarely see each other now that we are independent adults. . . I got questions about 1 first cousin, and one of an aunt's step children. Simple answer: When both in college in Boston, then a couple years working, we lived on the same block 3 years, and within 15 minutes drive another 2 or 3 years. And waved if we passed on the street. In 8 years all at 11 other people's weddings, said, Hi! That is our relationship. More than 30 of my cousins, including some step relations and adopted children of a new spouse, I talk to on the phone, write to, or do something with, at least 10-15 letters or calls each, and 4-10 visits to each others homes, or going out. These are the people I see, these are the ones we invited for our limited number if guests. Hubby got a few of the same queries. Adults should understand, all close relationships do not go into further generations. Your aunt and uncle, or parents friends, may have grown kids if whatever adult ages, whom you no longer frequently see. They now have new friendships. So do you. . . Brides and families worry so much. Only rare people are actually insulted if not invited. And some people feel they are the mist important person to every one they ever met. Nothing you can do about them. Just keep saying, we invited the people we see most often.

We are doing no kids AND on Halloween. We know we will lose friends that want to go trick or treating with their kids and that’s okay. It’s more important for us to have an adult only event. There was a time where ALL weddings were adult only. You didn’t think to bring your children.

Tell your MIL to butt out! It is YOUR wedding and an age restriction is not that uncommon. If your cousins not being invited to the reception is going to cause THAT BIG of a rift in the family.... good riddance? The fact that they think it's that big of an issue for underage people to not be allowed at a party with, what is obviously going to be, a bunch of adults is ridiculous. "Extremely problematic" sounds like a bs veiled threat. How annoying, I'm sorry. It makes PERFECT SENSE to me for you to invite them to the church ceremony, while setting an age limit on the reception. That being said - It might be a good thing to double back to YOUR side of the family and let them know that a new precedent is being set.

View Quoted Comment

In this case I would invite your MIL (who it sounds is the one making the stink about it) to pay the liability insurance herself, and then that ONE 20-year old would be welcome to come. But I, personally, wouldn't budge anywhere else.

I’d stick to your original decision. It seems to me like you chose a very clear line with the age cut off. Plenty of people have adult only weddings and you have your reasons for wanting adults only. Nothing wrong with that!

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This just is not true. In my area, you must be 21 to enter a bar - not 18. You must be 21 to enter the tobacco store - not 18. You must be 21 to enter the floor of the casino - not 18. So while 18 is the 'adulthood', it literally only grants you access to buying lottery tickets and strip clubs.

OP: I do not feel 21 is an arbitrary cut off. My cousin got a fairly large discount for not having anyone under 21 as it meant different security and liability insurance was needed. If this is your cut off, then stick to it 100%. If FMIL doesn't like it, or says it is going to cause problems, just have a line 'We are sorry, but due to liability reasons at our venue, we cannot accomidate anyone under 21 - no exceptions".

I can also say, as a high school teacher, I completely, 100% understand. I do not want to be near people my students' age at the wedding - I don't feel comfortable letting loose around ANYONE (friends or family) within 2 years of the age group. All it takes is one photo of me with a drink in front of my 17/18 year old cousin to leak and I'm in potential of losing my job for 'encouraging under age drinking' or some other BS when a parent decides they don't agree I'm holding their child to a due date. (And for other posters, yes this is ridiculous, but it is also my reality and the reality of a lot of teachers in my area)

Stick to your guns! You don’t have to invite anyone you’re not close with to your wedding and that reason alone is ENOUGH. You don’t even have to mention the age thing. Nobody is obligated to invite extended family just because they’re extended family. Bye bye!

If you need a second reason, use your venue as an excuse. No 21+ due to liability reasons.

(I’m blasting ratchet music at my reception so any uninvited kid who shows up can enjoy that...)