No one under 21 🚫

View Quoted Comment Could not have said it better myself, thank you. I teach middle school and high school students and you're entirely right, it seems crazy but parents will social media stalk you if they can and hold it against you when they can.

I’m doing the same but my kids are young so they have to be there of course is your day and you could do what you want

View Quoted Comment

I was going to comment, but this about covers it. Well said, Valarie! And I hadn't even thought of the possibility of having a pic taken (and posted to Facebook or whatnot) with an 18 yr old or younger nearby. That's an issue for teachers, daycare professionals, coaches... anyone who works with children/young adults. I've seen several instances of people losing their jobs for issues like that. I wouldn't take that risk either!

It is your wedding so your choice. I see it being more of a problem if a mom is breast feeding. But still your chouce.

View Quoted Comment #1. From reading the post, I did not think that this wedding was being held at a bar. Simply a wedding venue. And even 4-6,8,10 year olds are legally allowed to be present at a wedding, where others are drinking alcohol, and underage people are not. In your area, it might not be wise for a teacher to invite any students. Or to drink enough that some social media fan who might be your own sister in law who does not like you, , takes an unflattering picture. #2. As a teacher, you would know that in the U.S., the full legal age of majority, when you can sign a contract, marry without permission, serve in the military, Which is when social etiquette says, for the purpose of invitations and other social things, you are to be treated as fully adult. The drinking age may be 21 , the minimum age to be President may be 35, and lots of things have separate ages for a specific privilege. But except for emancipated minors who may be 16 ir 17, or the mentally ill or incompetent, the legal age of full adulthood is 18. 3. Meanwhile, since the bride says more than once, nobody she is close enough to want to invite, is under 21, why tell people she is not inviting people under 21, not an etiquette proper thing? When she can easily make it clear, she invited people according to the closeness of relationship to the bride and groom. Which is proper etiquette. And settles the issue without argument? . . I do understand the issues of people getting nuts with pics on social media. It is why we banned private cameras, cell phones, and laptops, and had the Inn turn off WI FI. Just free landline service for emergencies.

I think saying under 21 is a cop out. You're paying for your wedding, invite who you want there. We have a "no kids" unless direct family and we're keeping it 14+ anyway. Point being, unless shes paying she doesn't have a say.

The only thing I'd add is that I think "handling" this with FMIL and other family on his side should be FH's responsibility. It's not your job to defend the decision to his family. You've said it was a joint decision, so I'd ask him to handle making it clear to his family that no one under 21 will be invited. (NOT that "Sophia said no," but that "we've made this decision and are going to stick with it; if people can't come, we'll miss them but completely understand.") Similarly, if someone on your side raises the question, then you'll handle it. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Are you the only ones staying at the inn. Are your guest staying at rooms in the inn?

View Quoted Comment We paid for all rooms in the Inn, and about 1/3 of guests stayed there. And the rest all stayed at a family resort motel 1/4 mile away. We had 13 infants and 2 other little ones who needed to not be far from parents, in a nursery room of mostly porta-cribs, during the wedding. Every room had guest landline phones, all on a toll free ( WATTS?) , with 4 phones outside the wedding rooms, by desk, in booths, also no charge to guests, whether staying at the Inn or elsewhere. Otherwise, since the Inn in an area with no regular cell phone service, and Inn WIFI the only way cell phones worked, or internet, people would have had problems. But all knew before coming, and before the wedding could let anyone know the number to reach them, as many brought children, and many had children or older family at home. Not cut off of all communication. Why?

View Quoted Comment All formal weddings used to exclude children after the ceremony, yes. But in less formal weddings, there is no past rule, many included children, and many didn't, and both correct, the choice of the hosts.

Stick to your guns well done on trying to find a compromise but it isn't fair to bend and change for one and not the other if your heart isn't in the change and your only doing it for the sake of keep the MIL to be happy

I'm having a similar issue. At the end of the day, you and your future husband have to happy. If that's your rule, stick to it. If they dont come to the ceremony, that's their problem...PERIOD

I agree with you . If you start making exceptions it can come across favoritism, even it that is not the case, and cause drama or resentment later on. If you are FH are on the same page, stand your ground as a couple. Don't let one person start to "bully" you into to special treatment that is not warranted/necessary/needed/appropriate. I think your intuitions are spot-on, but managing the situation can be stressful. I think it helps to make an objective rule for everyone, and to prevent drama stay with that rule, with the exception of extenuating circumstances, as identified and qualified by you and FH

The venue is pulling your leg about liability insurance and putting pressure on you about underage guests. It's 100% their responsibility if there are people under 21 on premises and if they serve anyone under age 21 they are liable, and the bartender that serves that person is liable. The bartender, if licensed, should have state-mandated training all about how to not over-serve someone and send them home wasted and with keys to drive.
That said, I'm an older 2nd time bride and I've been there with in-laws. Consider this: this is the only occasion, presumably, where your entire family will be able to get together to celebrate you two. It's one day that will go by exceedingly quickly. Bottom line: excluding people (even if they're kids) hurts feelings - there's no way around that, so if you stand your ground be prepared for fall out from your family (and some families handle these things worse than others). Learning to make nice with your future family is not a bad thing, either. Just food for thought.

Your wedding YOUR decision. Period.

I am not inviting anybody under 21 either, and have also gotten into several disagreements with my future mother in law over the guest list, so I feel you on this big time.

I feel like your compromise to invite them to the ceremony is more than fair. If your reception is an adult party, all of your guests, even FMIL need to be respectful of that.

If you and FH are paying for the wedding...you stick to what YOU want to do 100%...no exceptions.
If your FMIL is paying for the wedding she has a say (in my opinion).

I didn't want kids in my wedding but my father is paying for the entire wedding and wanted a few young children from his side of the family there. I don't think it's fair to invite some kids but not all...so kids will be invited.

View Quoted Comment I'm on your side. Stick to your guns. Make your FH stick to his. Once you make one exception it not only costs more, but snowballs.

WE are not inviting ANYONE under 21. End of story. FH's niece just turned 17 and FBIL/ FSIL have been soooooooooo annoying about it. First is was "she's our DD" (to which we said, we can get you a hotel room OR pay for a LIMO to take you home for the plate cost). Then it was she has nice homecoming dresses to wear. DD thing again. Then her feelings were hurt (that made me feel bad, which of course, was the point). It got so far as to while at FHs bachelor party FBIL was bugging FH so much he called me. While on the phone with FH FBIL sent me a text "Daughter is coming wedding?" We explained what you said (cost for this), as well as if we make an exception for you, then we have to include literally 47 other children. We said no. FBIL kept pushing and I had to get off the phone before I said "listen, I don't tell you who you can invite to XMas, you don't tell me who to invite to my wedding" orrrr "When daughter gets married and she doesn't want kids there, I'll be sure to bring mine." I understand all sides of it, but I think if you say no and hold your ground, then you're being fair and it is what it is.

It sounds like you have made it clear what you want so at this point others should respect what you want. The only way this would even be a discussion is if they are paying for the wedding and potential liabilities.

I think it is your wedding and you should do things how you want them.

Thank you to everyone that has contributed 💗 your advice and confirmations have made me feel a million times better and I'm going to stick to my guns, no one under 21. The cost of the additional liability insurance (1,550) is just not worth it for one 20 year old. Thanks to y'all, at least I know I'm definitely not crazy for that decision now lol