No reception, but want a cocktail Party

Giselle, you don't do that. It IS basically, an etiquette sin. You never invite people to the ceremony and then take your 'more important guests'' to dinner.

You got plenty of good suggestions, not attitude.

If you're going to have just a cocktail hour, I'd suggest having a later ceremony. While it is your wedding and you can do what you want, it is rude to invite people only to the ceremony. You may not like the feedback you're getting on here but wouldn't you rather know before hand? Your guests will certainly be talking about your wedding later, and not for the reasons you're wanting....

Giselle, I live in NYC. Yes it is expensive. If I got an invitation to an hourlong ceremony with no reception, sorry, I wouldn't go, even if we were close friends (especially, because that's worse.)

At the end of the day, whoever you invite to the ceremony, you invite to any event you host afterwards; whether it be dinner at a restaurant or a cocktail party etc.

The only thing you truly need to host an event with guests is your officiant, the two of you, a place for your guests to sit, eat and drink paid by you.

You don't need flowers, decor, DJ, photographer, videographer etc etc.

Maybe choosing a nice restaurant that can fit all your guests would be good. No need for decor and rentals etc. If you have 50 guests attending your ceremony, invite all 50 to a nice restaurant nearby and have dinner and call it a day. Will still be really nice without having to worry about any real planning.

Giselle I think the whole set up you want works great for you. Not everyone wants to spend unnecessary money on a reception because people you don't know tell you it's rude. You don't have to invite people to the reception because they came to the wedding. You word the invitation right, and you can get away with your plan. Everyone thinks everyone should have extravagant weddings, why? Maybe Giselle didn't want to spend a ridiculous amount on something she really isn't into.

@Chanelle - so what you are saying is, it's OK to want everyone to witness you getting married and it's OK to have an event afterwards that does not include them because you don't want to spend money on them for taking their time and coming out and getting dressed up???

As for extravagant weddings, read my post.

Bring them to a restaurant, no decor, no vendors etc. Didn't know restaurants were extravagant.

Chanelle, just no. Your suggestions are extremely rude. Also, most of us are telling her to have a smaller wedding so nice try.

The reception is to THANK your guests, thus you must invite everyone to the reception.

Just have a small ceremony and take everyone out afterwards.

Chanelle, your advice is terrible. NO ONE is saying she has to have an "extravagant" wedding. We are simply saying it is rude to invite people to the ceremony and host nothing for them afterwards. Which it is. If she doesn't want to host a reception for these people then they shouldn't be invited to the ceremony. Period.

Oh FSS. You don't invite people to a ceremony and not host them afterwards, not on any planet. Even after FUNERALS there is a repast.

Yes, it works for her. But she cant' *get away with it*; who even thinks like that?

It's one thing to have strangers tell you it's rude; it's another for your friends and family to think (and maybe not say) it's rude. If I got that invite? I don't care who you are, I'm not coming. Partly because it's time out of my day to be disrespected and because the couple has so little regard for me that they think this is okay.

Oh, and by the way? If you actually read posts here? No one advocates for extravagant weddings; they (including me) advocate for having the wedding you can afford to have while hosting people well.

Giselle, you CAN have a cocktail party but some food will need to be available and it shouldn't be at 6pm because that's meal time. If you invite people there at that time, they will assume they are being fed an actual full meal. But an 8pm ceremony start time gives people time to eat dinner before they arrive at your ceremony. Then you could have a short cocktail party with adult beverages and hors d'oeuvres. OR you can just do the intimate ceremony you want and intimate dinner. But there is no reason to invite others to the ceremony if they can't come to the reception/dinner. If they aren't important enough for you to feed, then they don't need to be there. They will understand. Weddings are expensive. Your extended family and friends will understand if you are having a small affair. Please do not invite them to just the ceremony and nothing else. That is beyond rude. No one wants to dress up, travel to a wedding, watch the couple get married for 15 minutes and then go home because they weren't invited to the after party that the other half of the guests get to attend. You may not like how people chose to tell you, but the majority of the advice you received is still correct. They are telling you exactly what your guests will think.

PLEASE DO NOT LISTEN TO CHANELLE. Go with the majority on this. It's the law of averages. If the majority of us are telling you the same thing, the majority of your guests will agree.

Ok I got it. It's rude to just do a ceremony and nothing else afterwards!

The fact that I was coming for advice on what else can be done besides a traditional reception, should show that I do care for my guest and am trying to see how I work something out that is comfortable for me and also for my guest. I just set my church date. I have a year. This is literally the beginning of my wedding journey. All I wanted was to hear options on how to plan something after a ceremony. Can it be at a lounge or a bar? Wanting to hear if anyone went this route and if so how does it work..

I feel I got a lot back lash on asking for advice. Clearly I didn't communicate my question properly or this just isn't the place for me. Thanks

I think a lounge or a bar is fine, if your reception is from like 5-7. And then people can go eat dinner.

@Giselle - What you may be interested in is a cake/punch thing.

Perhaps have your ceremony and follow up with a lounge area where you can serve cake and just pay for drinks and some light snacks that they offer.

Have it end at 6PM and it's all good.

@OP - Chica, we all get spanked in these forums. I know I have - the best thing you can do is remember that we're trying to help you and that there is solid advice worth taking. Look for the message we're trying to convey and focus in on that, not whether or not someone was snarky about it.

Of course it can be at a lounge or bar! That sounds great.

@VC, can't have it at that time because that's when I'm getting married Btwn 4-5pm

If you hold a reception during a meal time, you must serve a meal. I would suggest have a very small ceremony and then taking everyone to dinner afterwards.

@Giselle, is there any way you can change the ceremony time? Maybe from 12-1pm and then you can host the reception at a lounge/bar from 1:30/2-3:30/4pm?

If you have it during a meal time you really need to feed everyone a full meal. Or, your other option would be to have both an intimate ceremony and intimate restaurant reception if you have to do it during that time you posted above.

As long as the cocktail food is hearty enough for people not to leave hungry and they don't have to pay

At 3 stars I would have thought that you'd know you'd be responsible for paying for anything wedding related. Just saying.