No reception, but want a cocktail Party

@AL: A Happy Hour and a wedding reception are completely different.

@rachel I choked on my wine over "uterine beast" HAHAHA

@Nancy, okay, well, I totally disagree with you, as usual. I think you can have a short cocktail party after a wedding with alcohol and appetizers, as long as it ends before 7.

I apologize if I offended anyone by stating that traditional reception is boring and old. I didn't mean to offend. I just meant to say it isn't what I want to do. Nothing wrong with the traditional way. Just want to go a different route.

Vianna, no-one put words in your mouth. We all read what you wrote about us.

"Ever consider that women might know what the hell they're talking about, despite their ovaries?"

As if I had said these ladies didn't know what they're talking about. In fact, I had said that there are great tips on here in my previous post. But then again, she shouldn't be faulted on that since she didn't read my entire post right?

We are getting married in June with immediate family, then a party in July with other family and friends. We picked a local park so the kids could play, and a pavilion and grill out.

I think you should have an earlier wedding. That way you don't have to spend money on dinner.

Vianna, this woman wants to have people dress, attend, and sit in a pew for an hour to witness her moment in the sun (when she's done prancing and glittering in her white gown, her guests can go get a Big Mac on their own dime, because she's not hosting them -- despite her earlier smoke and mirror question about the logistics of having a cocktail party in her honor, that she isn't willing to pay for). Yet you, somehow, point the finger at this community and insinuated that the fact that we are females, by and large, is the problem -- the snark problem. The problem is entitlement, and how you came up with women being the problem is beyond me. I don't need to read the rest of your post. I did, but it isn't worth mentioning. You said what you said because you believe it...and it's really insulting.

You said it, Vianna. You're not the first, won't be the last, but we always recognize that message when we hear it.

You spoke about demeaning posts. Well, here are a few examples of demeaning posts, Vianna (none of them on this thread, by the way): "You're fat, and you shouldn't wear that gown unless your guests like looking at back boobs."..."Do your eyes always look in two different directions? If so, ask your photographer to photoshop the problem."..."Oh, I see why you're bothered by the MOG gown. She's way hotter than you."..."That thing is your DIY? Where'd you get those weeds? Did you make them out of toilet paper? Ewww...who the hell told you that you knew anything about centerpieces? Totally gross...."..."You can't be serious...a third wedding? You can't possibly be thinking of wearing white, right? Inviting your family...again, how can you? Go get married at the courthouse, and don't invite anybody to a celebration. They've been there, done that."..."Oh, you're just a stupid ingrate. Just shut up and let your FMIL, the one who's paying for your wedding, call the shots."..."Is that your FH? Has he ever heard of Weight Watchers and Hair Club for Men?"

Those are demeaning comments. "You have to have a reception for your wedding guests"? Not demeaning. It's damn good advice, whether it comes from a woman or a man.

Could she do a cocktail reception around 8pm and not serve a full meal? I went to a reception like this at the Fairmont in San Francisco. It was great! I've never been to a wedding with stations. I think heavy passed hors d'oeuvres is fine as long as it's not a meal time.

I think it's rude to just invite people to a ceremony and not reception. To each their own. Don't be surprised if a lot of people don't come and definitely don't expect any gifts.

If you had read her more previous posts, you would know that she's considering everything you guys are saying. You would know that she was asking a question because she didn't know what the hell she was doing. She never said she wasn't willing to pay for it. She asked if she was supposed to. It might seem obvious to everyone else, but not everyone knows this stuff. My issue isn't with what's being said, it's how it's being said by some people.

I didn't mean that because you were women that you were the problem. I do realize that I insinuated that with my first post and for that I apologize. All I meant was that a lot of people seem to just come on here to point fingers and deem others to be rude just for asking a question that everyone else knows the answer to. I will say having worked in both male and female dominant work places, time and time again, the male dominant work places have a lot less drama. I'm sorry if you don't like that, but it's what I see and it's what I see on here as well. Sorry for being blunt about it.

I never said that "you have to have a reception for your guests" is demeaning. Not once. I never said that everything everyone is saying is demeaning. I said SOME people are going about it in a demeaning way. Not all. All of the quotes you mentioned were certainly demeaning and rude, but so were the quotes that I had mentioned earlier (that were from this post btw).

I won't apologize for calling some people out on here, but I will apologize for how I went about it.

@AL: What do you usually disagree with me about?

@Erin Wood....in my world, an 8PM reception would definitely mean dinner. I think the imbuing truly depends on what is normal in ones area.

Although that changes from person to person. Most of my friends eat dinner around 8PM. But, some of my family members are 5PM dinner eaters.

For a cocktail reception, I would start it around 3 or 4PM and make sure that the invitation reads that way..."Cocktail Reception to follow the ceremony."

@Kathy- That is true. The one I went to clearly stated "Please join us for a cocktail reception at 8:00PM" I assumed there would not be a meal with the wording they used. Everyone drank and mingled and ate some very nice appetizers. Nobody even sat down. It was perfect and exactly what they wanted. We all had a great time. It was nothing like a traditional reception.

@Rachel D,, thanks for asking the question I wanted to!!!

@Giselle, We are having a wedding with just closest friends and family which comes to 50 people, then we are having dinner with unlimited drinks for 4 hours in a private room in a seafood restaurant at a marina, and it is costing us less than $100 per person (including tax and tip) for the 36 adults we have, and $11 for kids.

Maybe you can find something like that, but you definitely need to give your guests some kind of thank you. I might have missed this if anyone else posted it, but have you thought about an early wedding and then a brunch reception? That would be WAY cheaper than dinner or hors d'oeuvres.

If you really feel like you MUST invite all 80 so their feelings aren't hurt, but would be okay if not all 80 showed up, what about a destination wedding? That way you invited them all, but you might save some money if you know they wont all come. Just something to think about. Good luck.

ETA: words are hard today

@Erin, that makes sense, and it sounds like you had a fun time at the cocktail reception.

@Celia, it makes me happy to read that, so thank you!

Some of these comments are super harsh. I'm doing a small reception with a virtual watch party for out of country guests and a small cocktail hour to follow with heavy appetizers. I just want to be married and have close family enjoy it... I don't care about the specifics... this is MY day lol