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Holley
Dedicated May 2023

No ring but engaged

Holley, on January 22, 2020 at 7:34 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 24
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Hey I kinda got a personal question.... ok I love my fiance so much but he isn't the brightest so when we got together I was a size 4 in rings we have been together going on 7 years well at 4 years together I got pregnant with our now 3 year old daughter well on Christmas this past year he asked me to marry him of course I said yes just the problem is he didnt realize when I was pregnant my fingers got fatter so he got me a size 4 ring and it doesnt fit we have ordered me a bigger one but his aunt and mom say that even though he asked me to marry him if I dont have the ring I'm not engaged and that I have no business planning a wedding and said that they will not help with anything till we are " officially " engaged meaning I have my ring how do I politely tell them that I am engaged even If I dont have my ring and not risk them running back to my FH and putting words in my mouth like they have done in the past any advice would help

24 Comments

Latest activity by Ker'rah, on February 2, 2020 at 1:15 AM
  • M
    Devoted September 2019
    Meaghan ·
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    That is completely ridiculous of your mom and aunt.
    Engaged just means you are planning to marry. It doesn't require a ring at all. By planning a wedding you are much more engaged than someone who had a big ring but had no plans to actually marry.
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  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    My fiance and I talked about marriage and began planning a wedding. The wedding was planned as of early November. Down to favors and everything. I didn't get officially proposed to until Christmas day. You can be engaged without a ring. A ring doesn't signify a healthy relationship or the fact you are both are ready to commit to one another.
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  • Holley
    Dedicated May 2023
    Holley ·
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    Amen they are acting like I'm committing a crime by planning my wedding without a stupid ring on my fingers guys dont get rings till the wedding ( unless you buy him one which is sweet) but he is still as engaged as anyone else so I dont see why ita a problem
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  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    I got some attitude too when I was planning away without a ring. People seemed shocked, as of a marriage is only about a darn price of jewelry. So many people can't even afford one! Does that mean they shouldn't be able to get married and live happily ever after? Nope! You take care of your wedding planning and the heck with what they think!
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  • Kristyn
    Devoted July 2020
    Kristyn ·
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    That's completely rediculous most rings have to be resized and then dont get to be with the couple until it's back! I'vehad mine for 3 yearsand amabout tosend it away to get some kind of wash on it to keep it from getting dull andwont have it for 2 weeks lol but I'll still be planning my wedding once he got down on one knee it was official! I would simply tell them that it's a shame they dont want to be a part of your planning but you are going to go ahead along with starting your dream day seeing as your hubby proposed and you are officually engaged just waiting on your ring to fit perfect lol even when you buy a dress it has to be ordered and then altered that doesnt mean you dont have a dress lol
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  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
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    We decided not to have engagement rings at all. Does that mean we got married without ever being engaged? His aunt and your mom are being ridiculous.


    On the other hand, they can choose whether and when to help. So you can just go right on planning without them, and they can join in whenever they are finished with their little hissy fit.

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  • Devoted June 2020
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    A ring is a symbol but that doesn’t mean that you can’t plan a wedding if you don’t have a ring on your finger. My fiancé and I had started planning our wedding before we got engaged. We had mostly everything planned out in our heads and then when he proposed we just started booking everything.
    You can absolutely plan a wedding without a ring!
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    A ring doesn’t make you engaged. A commitment and intentions to marry make you engaged. Your family is being ridiculous.
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    They're being ridiculous. Engagement rings have only really become a thing in the 1930s when DeBiers pushed the idea of the Diamond engagement ring because diamond sales dropped during the Great Depression. We decided to get engaged as a joint decision. The ring came a bit later because my husband wanted me to have one. However, we were engaged the moment we agreed to get married because that's what an engagement is. Keep planning and let them talk. If they don't want to help, that's fine. It sounds like they'll probably be more trouble than help lol.
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  • Nicole
    Master September 2020
    Nicole ·
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    “It’s unfortunate you feel that way” and then just continue with your planning. I agree with all PPs...they’re being completely ridiculous.
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  • Nikki
    Dedicated December 2020
    Nikki ·
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    My FH and I talked about dates and getting married about 3 weeks before he "officially" proposed. We already had our date picked out by then, and I picked out my ring about 2 weeks prior (i found one i like, he got it then and there!). My parents offered to help pay for the wedding, but didn't want to give their budget until oyr engagement was "official", but before that, FH and I were pretty much sayibg we were already engaged, even if it wasnt public. Because i didn't want to assume, and didn't know what my parents were planning to gift, i started planning as if we were paying for it ourselves.
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  • Erin
    VIP September 2023
    Erin ·
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    My FH and I got engaged without a ring, and I still only have a temp one while we save for me "real" ring. You're engaged when you and your fiance decide you are engaged. Engaged is a state of being that is not influenced by a sparkly piece of jewelry. If you forget to wear your ring one day, are you no longer engaged for that day? no.

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  • A
    Super February 2020
    Andrea ·
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    We talked about getting married around May 2019. I started planning summer 2019, but he didn't officially propose with a ring until September 2019. My mom did the same thing, she wasn't as committed to helping me until I got the ring. She actually told me she was glad he made it "official". You shouldn't let your family deter you from planning your wedding.

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  • Holley
    Dedicated May 2023
    Holley ·
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    His grandmother told me that I was doing a mortal sin by planning a wedding without officially being engaged and compared it to having an affair I guess back in the old days you were engaged without it but it's not like we arnt getting one lol
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  • Holley
    Dedicated May 2023
    Holley ·
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    Exactly a guy doesnt wear an engagement ring but he still is engaged his mom said that we needed to wait so that she not me but that she could show off the ring her son bought me * she is queen bee and likes the eyes on her at all times* like it doesnt matter if I have a $20 ring or a $20,000 ring what matters is I love her son and should be allowed to celebrate spending the rest of my life with him I shouldn't have to hold off because she cant brag yet what kinda sense does that make
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  • Holley
    Dedicated May 2023
    Holley ·
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    I should have known they would say something about it cause they made a huge deal out of the promise ring he got me cause I didnt want it to fit my ring finger I wanted it to fit my middle for a personal reason but they freaked out because it was not on the right finger but he made me a promise and that's all that mattered at that moment we have almost been together 7 years as of this February and we have honestly been calling each other fiance since our daughter was born which is when I gor the promise ring and they didnt freak out at us referring to each other as fiance but when I actually can call him it for real they freak out lol ** picture of my promise ring* No ring but engaged 1

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  • A
    Super February 2020
    Andrea ·
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    Honestly your promise ring looks like an engagement ring already! You guys share a kid together, that should be enough for your family. I understand though, so don’t fret. I just ignored my mom when she made those comments, and she kept wanting to change the subject when I brought up any type of wedding talk. It did feel lonely in the beginning because I felt alone, but being on WW and sharing the same frustrations as others helped me build a community.


    Keep planning. And ignore the comments and don’t reach out for help until you get the “official” ring. Family can be so weird sometimes...
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  • Rachel
    Savvy October 2021
    Rachel ·
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    Ok.. but like you had a kid out of wedlock too and they didn't shun you for that...? But now you try planning the wedding without the ring physically on your finger and they lose their minds..?


    in-laws can be a challenge..


    my heart goes out to you. My fiance and I have been planning for over a year now. We had a joint savings account 3 months into our relationship. and I bought my wedding dress 11 months before i had my ring. People need to mind their own business.

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  • Katie
    Super November 2019
    Katie ·
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    That's ridiculous. If you want to please them, not that you should have to, but you could always go get a inexpensive ring from somewhere like Walmart to wear just until your actual ring comes back.
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  • Holley
    Dedicated May 2023
    Holley ·
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    I might do that or I have an ring that belonged to my grandma that I ccould also wear that my fh reminded me I had
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