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Just Said Yes May 2019

No show guests really hurt my feelings

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Susan, on May 20, 2019 at 6:18 PM

I just got married Saturday and I know I should let it go because I had a wonderful wedding, but I am so upset, hurt and angry about all the people that were no shows. I had a total of 90 people rsvp and starting last Thursday it felt like they just started dropping like flies. A couple texted that her dad had a stroke and a guy I work with called and said his uncle passed away and the funeral was Saturday. Those I understand and they were nice enough to let me know. The rest I feel like are inexcusable. Two guys I work with and their wives didn’t show or call because they voluntarily took did some weekend work even though it was not their scheduled weekend to work. Another guy didn’t show. A dear friend and her husband didn’t show. A couple who ASKED us if they could cone to the wedding didn’t show. Another couple that texted my husband that morning to ask if he was nervous and said they’d be there didn’t show. All of these people had told us the previous week they were definitely coming and not a single one bothered to text or call either before or after. I’m pretty mad that I spent $90 a person - over $1000 on people that didn’t show up! But more importantly, we could have invited other people we had to leave off the guest list that would have come.
I waited until Sunday night to see if any of them contacted me but no one did. Then I saw several of them post things on facebook from the weekend so I know there weren’t in some kind of serious accident. So, I texted them and basically said, I was very hurt they didn’t show and if they didn’t want to come they should have told me, and it cost us a lot of money for them to not let us know. I got 2 responses. One said he was in the ER but I don’t believe him because he could have texted when he posted his lunch picture on Facebook Sunday and my “dear” friend who apparently was moving Saturday said she was so sorry to miss the wedding and she had already planned to attend alone (so plenty of time to tell me her husband wasn’t coming) but the movers were late so she couldn’t go and she didn’t want to bother me on my wedding day to tell me. Ok. Why couldn’t she be bothered to tell me Sunday???
It just hurts that people were so rude, and clearly don’t care about me nearly as much as I cared about them. I feel like a total loser that out of 90 people, 12 didn’t care enough to be bothered with showing up.
How wouid you feel if that many people didn’t show for your wedding? What wouid you say or do?

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62 Comments

Expert July 2019
Natalie · on May 20, 2019 at 10:14 PM
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I’m sorry that happened I’m also afraid of that. We having a destination wedding and a lot of people I’m inviting ave everything to that last minute so I’m afraid they will RSVP and forget to book the hotels on time. And end up not coming. I would be very upset
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Master June 2020
Anna · on May 20, 2019 at 10:23 PM
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We are having a small wedding of 50. Honestly, as long as the minister and my groom are there....id be ok.
I would have been very upset 20 years ago....but, I've mellowed in my old age.

I do understand why you feel that way and im so sorry. They just should have RSVP not attending to begin with.
Unfortunately, everyone wasn't brought up with manners apparently.
Hugs to you !
Congratulations on a beautiful wedding!
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Dedicated July 2019
Tiffany · on May 20, 2019 at 10:32 PM
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I would honestly feel really hurt too. Especially for those who chose not to attend because of trivial reasons. My wedding is coming up in July and I really hope this doesn't happen! I'm not sure there is a good way to ensure that doesn't happen.
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Super August 2019
Tina · on May 20, 2019 at 10:41 PM
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I typed such a good post but an error occurred. Lol. This is not cool but from what I've read its pretty common. I'm planning for the no shows by decreasing by RSVP count by 20% bc I don't have money to burn and I know ppl will say they are coming and bell out. Especially in my family. Or they will literally come at the end of the night.

I'm embarrassed to say I've been that person. I didn't go to a wedding bc the day Just got away from me and I was late..I ended up turning around on the drive there bc l didn't want to be late. I never texted or called bc l didn't think l was that important to them. I have invited them to my ceremony and of course they didn't acknowledge my invite. I feel really bad to this day!!! I will never ever do that again. Just know that life happens. Never know what's going on or why someone didn't show. Honestly I'm jelly over your 78 ppl that showed. Lol. I hope l get that kind of support. So far 42 ppl out of 135 have RSVPd but they have until the 1st. We shall see
Keep your head up! Focus on the ones that had your back. And most importantly enjoy your brand new honey!!!😘
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Beginner May 2019
Alyssa · on May 20, 2019 at 11:32 PM
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I completely get how you feel. My wedding was a few days ago and we had personally contacted everyone because it was mostly just family and some friends on the guest list. We were told yes from 65 people and 54 ended up showing up. I was annoyed as well just thinking about how rude it is when these types of events are so effected by head counts. Our rentals only rented chairs, utensils, glasses, etc by counts of 10 so we had to go with 70 of everything when we could’ve gone with 60. It is very frustrating but at the end of it you find out who was there for you two and who was not, and the wedding was still a blast even without those people who bailed and didn’t tell us.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on May 21, 2019 at 1:02 AM
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Ugh. If feel you. We had roughly the same percentage of “no shows.” I had to plead with two long-time friends to attend (one was out of state due to family emergency which I understood, the other was just tired). They came; their spouses didn’t. Those were ok. Not co-workers who RSVP’d then just didn’t show because they were “too busy.” Those relationships are over.
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Expert June 2019
MrsJohansson · on May 21, 2019 at 1:55 AM
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Oh my gosh, I am so sorry to read that this happened to you. I'd be upset too!! I really feel that the people who did not have legitimate reasons or bother to contact you were really disrespectful. I wouldn't engage them again and move on. Know that your feelings are completely valid. It takes so little time to say, "Oh I'm sorry I can't make it."
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Super October 2017
Emily · on May 21, 2019 at 7:15 AM
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We had about ten people no show and our wedding was about $120 a plate. A few were valid and I wouldn’t expect those people to come but it was frustrating to feel like I wasted that money. As much as I know it shouldn’t it has definitely affected my opinion of some people who didn’t show up and did not contact us with a reason. It’s about how you treat people...
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Dedicated November 2019
Catherine · on May 21, 2019 at 7:21 AM
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You have to let this go. It happened and it’s over. You will get no relief dwelling on this and none of us can ease how crappy that is. I do think it happens at every wedding. It’s wrong and just awful! I’m sorry you had to go through that! Try to dwell on the good things from your special day and not let this ruin it!!!!
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Devoted August 2020
Keyona · on May 21, 2019 at 9:26 AM
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This is such a fear of mine we have a really small wedding however and its mostly family so my goal is to really keep a tight grip on it. Sucks a lot but I don't get when people cant just tell you ahead of time $100 a plate is worth a attitude if you just do a no show.
I think I would honestly address whoever doesn't come and be nice about it but let them know like hey just not showing up was rude. But I am sure we will ALL experience someone not showing it. Congrats on your wedding
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Dedicated August 2019
Megan · on May 21, 2019 at 9:29 AM
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I’m SO sorry!!! This is one of my biggest fears
Honestly I feel it’s so immature for being to no show, especially a wedding!! Good for you for reaching out and telling them how you feel.
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Super March 2019
FutureStephD · on May 21, 2019 at 1:00 PM
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I have to say - good for you for texting those people! I haven't done that with our 'no call no shows' and I've wanted to.
I'm right there with you about being upset about the finances, as well as the lack of respect to say something. I thought maybe they didn't want to bother us on the day of, but it's been almost two months and still nothing.
That said, I knew it would happened, prepared for it, and wasn't too surprised with the people that no called no showed. I just had to make a decision to get over it and move on. That's probably why I haven't said anything, but at the same time, they shouldn't expect me to say much to them in the future....
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VIP June 2019
MIWM · on May 21, 2019 at 7:31 PM
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I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I can say that this is a fear of mine. You pay all this money and people no show.
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Devoted May 2019
Brit · on May 22, 2019 at 10:55 AM
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I feel ya fellow new wife! we had 80 RSVP and about 15 didn't show up. 7 of which was my own family. the others were my husbands friends on his softball team that swore they would be there and even talked about being there two weeks before. What sucked even more, is the fact that we bought more alcohol to make sure there would be enough since they all like to drink. A lot. it kind of made me feel bad too, that the ones that didn't show up are the ones that would have balanced out the young/older ratio and helped with the dancing. Even though I know that my wedding was beautiful, and the ones there had fun, I still get a little upset that 15 people didn't show up. I am choosing to not say anything and *try* not to feel awkward around the softball wives when we go to games. And as far as the family goes, I am pretty sure my dad gave them what for for not coming when they said they would so I don't have to. Good luck, and congrats on your new life!! Don't let your no-show losers dominate how beautiful I am sure your wedding was!
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Dedicated May 2019
Mrsblair · on May 22, 2019 at 11:02 AM
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I am so sorry this happened to you. That is terrible and I would be upset. Honestly, I would reconsider some friendships.

We had only 2 no-shows out of 128. One of them, their grandpa got super sick. The other had E. coli food poisoning.

I don’t think it’s right for that many people to bail without good reason. Again ugh I am sorry that happened! I would be so pissed!
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Master August 2018
Nemo · on May 22, 2019 at 11:13 AM
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I'm so sorry. It is so hurtful, especially from people who said they were coming multiple times. H and I had decided that we would no longer have relationships for people that no-showed with no reason. Fortunately, the only person that "no-showed" let us know a week prior and it was for a medical reason.
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Master August 2018
Nemo · on May 22, 2019 at 11:14 AM
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I would be really hesitant to do this, we didn't have any surprise no-shows (only one person who said they were coming didn't come, and we knew a week prior). While no-shows suck and are so rude, it would be horrible to run out of food for the people who did take the time to come support your marriage.
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Super September 2019
Alyssa · on May 22, 2019 at 11:19 AM
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Ugh, I'm sorry! Like you said, there are obviously cases where not coming is acceptable and it sounds like you completely understand why a few of your guests had to miss! However, I will never understand people who RSVP and than don't go. I mean if you say you are coming, put it on your calendar and then go. It sounds like the family/friends of yours who had an emergency made more an effort to communicate what was going on more than the others. There is sadly nothing you can do about it though. People suck sometimes.
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Master January 2019
FutureMrsKC · on May 22, 2019 at 11:19 AM
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I feel like I'm the odd ball out here because of the handful of people who didn't show, I probably wouldn't have noticed had they not told me. I got a text the weekend before my wedding from a friend that they were sorry they missed the wedding. They had the date wrong and when I told them it was the following weekend, they had plans. I sent save the dates 10 months in advance and invites nearly 3 months in advance. That annoyed me but I let it go because its not worth ruining a friendship over.
Another person texted me while I was getting ready that they weren't coming and that put a damper on things for a minute. I didn't want to be bothered on the wedding day, and as a past bride now I'd never message someone on their wedding day, especially bad news.
If others no showed I really didn't notice or remember. Our venue was still very full and we went on with our day. Yeah it sucks that people don't have common courtesy but all in all it's just un-avoidable.
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on May 22, 2019 at 11:44 AM
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I can totally understand why you would be hurt and upset. Some people just suck at communication and think that saying nothing is better than being upfront which is never the case in the end but what can you do. We have around 90 on our guest list and even though invitations haven't even gone out yet, we are only expecting around 50-60 to show. We also are having a buffet style so we won't be out anything for no shows like you were. That would really piss me off! Anyone who has gotten married should know how expensive weddings are. Don't say you are coming if you aren't, its very simple. I am so sorry you had to deal with that on such a great day but ya know what....you are married now! Yay!!! Congratulations!
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