No Wedding Gifts. Give us Adventures!

I think this is a "know your crowd" thing. As a guest, I'm usually inclined to spend more on a physical gift, whereas for a honeymoon fund contribution or a check I'll just choose an even amount like $100, $150, or $200. We're having a honeymoon registry in addition to a substantial physical registry. I don't think our guests would take it very well if our honeymoon registry was the ONLY option, but I know it will be fine because there will be plenty of physical items on our traditional registry.

View Quoted Comment

Actually they don't. They do everything possible to stick to the registry. If there is one, then they will give you won't want. Yes it is rude to ask for cash. Some people do it anyway and don't care. Many view honeymoon registries as asking for cash and will not give cash in any form because it's something they don't do.

So my opinion may not help because I am younger and have only been to a couple weddings on my own where I wasn't with my parents. But I really base it off of my relationship with the person who is getting married as well as estimating how much the food costs. Because the rule of thumb is to pay for your plate. And I always double if I have a guest with me. So for one of my best friends who had a backyard wedding, I gave $200 total (100 for me and 100 for my now fiancee). If they had a fancier wedding I probably would've done $300 total. If I were invited to a co workers wedding that I don't really see outside of work I would probably do $100-150 total. But you have to remember that everyone's financial situations are different and like someone else said, the older people will probably give more than the younger people. I don't even think some of my friends know the etiquette of how much to give and I don't expect them to give us more than $100.

View Quoted Comment Actually the rule of YOUR thumb may be to pay for your plate. But the rule of general good manners/ Etiquette, is that these two things have nothing to do with each other. The amount you give, gift or money, varies by your relationship, more the closer you are, and according to your income. if people in your income and area usually give $100, and you would be quite happy if 90% of people gave you that, and you can afford it, then for that wedding fine. Whether that couple wants to pay 6.86

For a piece of cake, or $250 for the Ritz ballroom, does not matter. you give the $100 if right. You do not lower it to $7 or raise it to $250.

View Quoted Comment

Umm okay, sure, MY rule of thumb. Although this was a rule of thumb a while back. Also, she asked what people normally give, and I was giving my answer of what I normally give. No need to be hostile.

We're doing a mix of traditional registry items, then we've also done an "experiences" registry through Zola. We aren't doing a honeymoon fund, per se, but have added honeymoon add-ons like a couples massage, and some excursions to do on our trip. We also have a kayak fund, and other things we like to do together like concert tickets or sporting events (when it's not a pandemic of course!). I set those funds up so the totals are hidden so people don't feel obligated to give any specific amount, they can just contribute what they wish. I think some people are comfortable giving cash (I'm not one, but my fiance is), and others feel better if their cash is going towards something more tangible. I've always appreciated the experience registry, especially when I know the couple is the experiences-over-items type!