Non traditional brides

I hate the idea of a "successful" wedding. Did you get married? Boom. Successful. Were you and spouse happy with it? Even better. Everyone else can go suck eggs.

My mother is horrified that we are not having attendants and not doing a traditional ceremony. We are going to exchange our own vows and that's it. No wedding party, no readings, nothing. Just 10 sappy minutes of me making my FH cry and trying not to cry myself and then a big party.

We will both be almost 50 and have both been married before. We are dumping anything we don't want to do and just doing things that are meaningful to us. Ah, the freedom of paying for everything yourself! ;-)

Some non traditional things we did/didn’t do were:


Have it in a backyard, no maid of honor, no best man, no bridesmaids or groomsman, bbq instead of traditional beef or chicken dinners, my dress did not have a train, sheet cake instead of tiered cake, did my own makeup, got my hair done at a salon by myself, husband drove us to the wedding in his own car, we didn’t rent a limo, the caterer took care of a lot of cleanup but didn’t include garbage removal, so we had a lot to clean up the next morning

Some more traditional things we included were: family member got ordained online and we had a traditional 30 min ceremony, cocktail hour with passed appetizers, DJ and dancing, first dance as a married couple, father daughter dance, cake cutting tradition, champagne toast and speech, open bar with a bar tender, professional photographer that captured me getting ready with my mom and my husband getting ready with his parents, first look, family portraits, ceremony and reception photos, we sent informal paper invitations with included rsvp cards, we had a ceremony rehearsal with immediate and close family members and then had dinner afterwards hosted by husbands parents.

Good luck with your planning!!

I'm sorry you're feeling discouraged, Dreia! Outside of standard party etiquette for guest comfort (everyone gets a chair and enough to eat), I think the rest are tradition/customs which can be tailored to your group. Maybe take a little break from planning, and enjoy your engagement with your partner. Best wishes.

View Quoted Comment I most definitely agree! As long as the couple is happy- that’s all that should matter!

View Quoted Comment Thank you very much! You’re probably right, I should definitely take a little break💖

View Quoted Comment I love this! Sounds like it was a ton of fun and very personable.

We're not even getting married at our wedding. We're announcing to non-family guests that we've already been married over a year. We're doing adults only except nieces and nephews, also no garter or bouquet toss. 15 minute ceremony max. No traditional cake. Many other things that arent super traditional.

View Quoted Comment Oh you’re a brave heart! This was inspiring!

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Our thought process has always been that this is to celebrate our life and our marriage. If there are people attending who aren't happy about the choices we made for our own best interest then we probably don't want their support anyway.

View Quoted Comment That’s absolutely right! I definitely understand that! Having people at the wedding - that aren’t TRULY happy for us- is becoming my biggest peeve right now.

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People somehow think they have a say in your life simply because they're invited to an event. We don't treat any other celebration this way. No one else every tries to have a say in birthday parties, graduations, baby showers, etc. People are just weird when it comes to weddings. Do what makes you and your fiance the most happy and dont think about the other guests if theyre already giving you trouble.

View Quoted Comment Omg! I was just saying this the other day when we were discussing the guest list! That I’ve never seen anyone make such a big deal of other MAJOR events unlike weddings. Thank you so much! I really needed this😊💖

Ours is in 25 days (eeeeeeek) and while I love a tradition, we're taking some of them, and doing a twist.

Our ceremony itself is pretty traditional - string quartet, aisle etc. But we're being married by a family friend who is a judge, and there won't be a religious aspect since my husband to be wasn't raised with any religion, and I'd rather us both enjoy our ceremony than forcing him to adhere to my religious upbringing. We are having the strings play Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now" as we walk back down the aisle after we're officially pronounced.

I'm also wearing mostly black. My dress has a "antique white" underlay, but all of that is covered in some kind of black (lace, an overlay, etc).

Our wedding cake topper says F'ing Finally (but the whole word spelled out). Cause I swear like a sailor, and we're both in our mid or late 30s and neither of us have ever been married (and our families had pretty much given up hope). We're also cutting the cake to White Wedding by Billy Idol. Our sign in the lobby also says our names, wedding date, and then "better late than never".

We're actually going very traditional versus the current trend and having a head table instead of a sweetheart one cause I don't want to be stared at all night. But all of our tables have sarcastic names. The chart just has the table number, and then when they sit down we're doing all silly names (My coworkers for instance are sitting at Table 10: "This Could Have Been An Email").

My dad and I are doing a father-daughter dance, but it starts with a joke song before going into the real song.

We're absolutely not doing a bouquet or garter toss cause, gross.

And finally, we're having late night snacks come out in the form of a French fry bar, and a make your own ice cream sandwich bar. Partially to help soak up any alcohol before people start driving home, but also because I just really like French fries and ice cream.

Among the best things you can do when you're planning is not telling people your plans. "We haven't decided" or "It's a surprise" are great options when people ask questions. EVERYONE has opinions on how a wedding "should be," but as long as you adhere to whatever legal and/ or religious requirements are necessary to be married, then everything else is optional and up to you! It's pretty much impossible to please everyone (one person's "too traditional" is someone else's "not traditional enough"), so just focus on having a wedding that you and your spouse-to-be are excited about and will enjoy

View Quoted Comment This is great advice! I’ve definitely been standing my ground but I see being open comes with very unsolicited advice. I think moving forward this is definitely the approach we’re going to take!

View Quoted Comment This is so beautiful. I love when people say “f the norm” and do themselves, especially so unapologetically! Thanks for sharing 💖💖

Do whatever you want! You're the one being married and some people just don't respect that. I'm having a no kid wedding, walking myself down the aisle (my mom will be present fyi), no maid of honor, nothing religious, etc. You just need to be authentic. When the people who had opinions are no longer here, you don't want to look back and resent them bc you look back on your special day and it was dictated by people who aren't in my relationship.

I feel your anguish! My FH and I are walking down the aisle together, having a Celtics (Pagan) ceremony, no cake, dinner without dancing after, and only inviting 20 people... it seems like everyone has an opinion on one or all of these "non traditional " choices. BUT it isn't their wedding day. Fortunately, we are paying for it ourselves and there isn't anyone to say "I'm paying for it and I want x, y, and z". Do what feels right to you and your future spouse, not what anyone else thinks. At the end of the day it is about the two of you and starting your married life together!