Non traditional

Our officiant is Larry James & he has many sample ceremonies on his website. We can make it as long or short as we want. Check out https://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com/ or thumbtack.com.

Our ceremony was just what you described, and people commented on how lovely it was and how much they enjoyed our personal vows. To lengthen it, you can do things like a sand ceremony or have loved ones do readings.

You could add in a unity ceremony to make the ceremony a little longer! Many people do sand ceremonies (where you mix two different colored sands into one container), candle ceremonies (using two separate lit candles to light one larger candle), whiskey ceremonies (blending two different whiskeys into a barrel to age, to be opened on some anniversary down the road), etc. Here is an article with some unity ceremony ideas: https://www.theknot.com/content/amphtml/unique-unity-ceremony-ideas


You could also add in a couple readings of poems/articles/Bible verses/etc, which would add some length to the ceremony.

View Quoted Comment I like the whiskey idea!!!

View Quoted Comment My sister and best friends got married last year and I love how short but sweet their ceremony was! So it’s hard to picture anything longer. I do like the idea of a reading though!

I think whatever you and FH want is the "right thing"; however, I have been a guest at an otherwise pretty traditional wedding where 85+% of the guests flew cross country to be there. Personally, when the ceremony lasted less than 5 minutes and a good part of that was the officiant talking about herself, as a guest, it was pretty awkward. As guests, we sat waiting for the ceremony to begin for a lot longer than it lasted, and clearly the venue was caught off guard, as they were not yet finished setting up the adjoining room for the cocktail hour and the food didn't come out and the bar didn't open for a good 25 minutes after the ceremony ended and we all just stood around.... Whatever you do for the ceremony, be sure it fits well within the rest of your timeline and planned activities/formality. (Also, FWIW, one of my cousins married into a family with strong Portuguese roots, and they had a LOT of expectations/traditions about the wedding. So, I'd talk with your FH about what he wants and how important it is to manage his mom's expectations, especially if there seem to be cultural issues related to her preferences -- his mom, his responsibility.) Good luck!

View Quoted Comment My parents are so laid back and will literally be happy with anything we pick. So hard navigating something I’m not used to, even though we’ve been together for 5 years!! But you’re right. His mom, his responsibility!

I am not trying to cause problems but is your MIL paying for the wedding? I ask because at the end of the day it is about what you two want to do not what she wants. Also, for each wedding I have been to they have only been long if there was a mass or some kind of ceremony involving cultural or religious traditions. I know I have preferred shorter ceremonies and I would imagine most guests do. You could as others have said do a unity ceremony, personalized vows or maybe something from each of your traditions???

View Quoted Comment She’s giving us some money, but not for the venue! That’s my parents. I’m leaning more towards specific readings from each culture! My fiancé isn’t a big talker and doesn’t like attention so I’m not sure how he’d feel about a unity ceremony as well

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There you go. If your fiance does not want a long ceremony I say stick to that. I think ceremonies should not be longer than 10-15 minutes lol. People of course come to see you two tie the knot but they want to enjoy your day at the reception and casually hang with you I feel. Also, if he is not a big talker then have the officiant take charge and no personal vows. My husband hates attention and public speaking so for him a small ceremony was perfect because I could have done a little longer. If MIL argues then he can tell her he does not want a long ceremony either. The ceremony is about you two overall.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! ♥️♥️🤗 I agree. I want the wedding to be fun, and hang out with people. Not stand up there for an hour 😂

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As someone that has been a bridesmaid for a catholic mass wedding and a guest at a Greek orthodox wedding your guests do not ha ha. I think 15 maybe 20 minutes max is good and personal vows are nice but some officiants have said some lovely things. Can you give your BIL some personal details about you two to include? Plus, my friend had her co worker officiate because she met her husband at work and he knew them both and could make it more personal for the couple so I think the BIL is great.

You can add a unity ceremony! I.e we are doing a unity braid!

I like what others have said but also be mindful about not making it so long that it drags

The thing is that no one in real life gets online licenses or is ordained online. Every state and county has their own laws and ordinations are given as legal by the marriage license office.