Not asked to be Bridesmaid in brother’s wedding

Her other 4 bridesmaids are her friends.

It sounds like she's already having a lot of bridesmaids in the wedding and my guess is that she probably didn't want to add even more. It's also likely she's closer to the girls she asked to be in the wedding. If your brother had wanted you in the bridal party he could have had you stand on his side. While you can feel disappointed, it's ultimately thejr choice who they ask.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable for feeling at least a little hurt by this. I was in your shoes as well, except my SIL talked to me about being a bridesmaid, but then turned around and asked someone else(who no one knew she was even considering). Personally, I didn’t get why she asked her current sister in laws and not her future one. Seems a little weird to me. At the end of the day, she asked who she wanted to ask. You just kinda have to cope, it’s what I did. I just hope my SIL doesn’t start drama when I don’t pick her.

Your feelings are validated for sure. But I do want to say one thing. Just because YOU have a good relationship with YOUR brother does not mean his fiancé has a good relationship with you. I was willing to push some things to the side to make my fiancé happy but he knows I HATE his sister! MY MIL and SIL are some of the worse people you would ever meet. But because of the love I have for him I asked her, of course it ended up not working out and she's no longer in it. What made it easier for him though is that he don't have a good relationship with them either. But just keep that in mind. Even if she doesn't hate you, so to speak, she may not feel like you "qualify" to be in their wedding, sibling or not.

For her to tell your mother that she had considered, but in the end rejected the idea of making you a bridesmaid is the most offensive part assuming no issues between you. It's clod-like at best. My guess is it was about total or even numbers for her. While she has the right to have anyone in her party she wants, choosing SILs but not a FSIL is not something I'd do, again assuming good relationships. Ultimately, there's nothing to be done but there's not much difference between 7 and 8 and sides do not have to be even.

Anyone can feel whatever they do. In this situation, the bride has already chosen her closest supportive people whom she has active relationships with. That is how people should be asked to stand up for the couple. Being a relative doesn’t give someone an automatic in to be a bridesmaid or groomsman because they share the same gender. That also applies to the bride’s male relatives automatically being “obligated” to be asked to stand up with the groom when he is not close enough to pick them himself. If brother has such a close relationship with you, why would he not be able to ask you to stand up with him? That is more appropriate for the situation and it makes much more sense.


It is completely disrespectful that she would ever voice the idea that you were chosen but not asked. That shows her true colors regarding what she feels about you. Is your brother aware of this side of her that she has no problem showing to your mom? That doesn’t warrant any support (standing up on her side) from you.

Also, something that many people don’t understand or care about is that many people do not enjoy being a bridesmaid/groomsman and do not feel that it is an honor. But the wedding websites say that your friends and relatives will feel that you hate them with every fiber of your being if you don’t ask them to participate. Hence the additional busywork “jobs” that have been created in recent years to take over what officiants and coordinators used to do years prior. Some people want to enjoy the wedding without any responsibilities beyond enjoying themselves but the Wedding Industry pushes the idea that that is not acceptable, which is not true.