Not being my best friends’ maid of honour or bridesmaid

While I completely understand being hurt and disappointed by not being asked to be part of your bestie’s wedding, all these reasons sounds very valid. Borders are closed so you cannot get to her; and you cannot expect her to put her relationship and family planning on hold just so you can be a bridesmaid. She is absolutely correct that she should not continue to wait to get pregnant, as womens’ fertility drastically diminishes in their 40s. Every day she waits, she is further risking infertility, complications with the pregnancy and/or delivery, and potential health issues with the baby. She is going out of her way to live stream the wedding so that you can be there virtually with them during this pandemic, which was considerate of her and shows she values your friendship. I think you need to put aside your disappointment and support your friend during this exciting time in her life.

If the borders are closed, how would you even attend the wedding? Also, she can get married whenever she wants. Were you expecting her to wait till borders open so you could attend in person? Even her own family is streaming online.

You’re being overly sensitive. The wedding is about the bride and groom & it’s clear that the only thing important to her is to get married asap so not sure why you would be upset

I originally thought this post would be about being hurt that your local best friend has chosen a massive bridal party but excluded you! While it must be disappointing that you will not be in your friend’s wedding, I think you must remind yourself that your frustration is ultimately being caused by circumstances out of your friend’s control. Everyone who has gotten married or planned a wedding since Covid began in 2020 has had to navigate things very differently, and your friend is making the decisions that work best for her and her fiancé given the circumstances. Logistically, it is impossible for you to be a bridesmaid at this time!

It sounds like it was a logistical reason not an emotional one and definitely not a reflection of your friendship. Even her family cant be there. I would be crushed if I couldn't be at the wedding of my lifelong best friend but COVID has screwed up so much for so many people.

If the borders are closed, I am assuming you are implying you can't even attend the wedding? It would seem unusual to me to designate someone in my wedding party who isn't able to attend. I think you might be taking it too personally...seems like a logistical decision rather than a personal one.

Honestly it sounds like she has valid reasons. I don’t think you should break the friendship just because of this.

Don't break the friendship! I understand how hurt you are by this because she is a very good friend of yours, but I'm sure she didn't mean to do this to intentionally hurt you. But I'm sure she made that decision due to the fact that she wanted to get this ball rolling asap, and because the borders are closed there was no way she could've asked you to be one if you were traveling. Maybe she could've given you like a heads up?

But in a nutshell, I'm sure she didn't mean to do this to intentionally hurt you.

It sounds like she's just trying to do what's best for her in the current state of the world. so it doesn't sound like it's an intentional thing against you at all. but i can see how you sort of at least thought she'd talk to you about it. it sounds like you were taken off guard

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I agree with the PP, it sounds like you were taken off guard. I would take time to process your hurt, maybe even express to your friend that you were hurt by it. But I would agree, it does not sound at all intentional, it sounds like circumstantially, she was put in a tight spot and made a decision based on that. I would not end the friendship because of this.

Totally valid to feel disappointed that you aren't in her wedding party! However, it sounds like it's not possible for you to be there due to the closed borders even if you were in her wedding party, so it makes sense why she didn't ask. It doesn't seem like she was trying to be hurtful or anything, so I definitely wouldn't end the friendship over it. Take the time to process your emotions about this, but also be supportive of your friend as she navigates getting married during a pandemic.

Please think REALLY carefully about ending a long, close friendship over a one-day event. I think you would really regret it if you lost her for making what appears to be a very reasonable decision during a difficult time.

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I fully agree with Cece.

If there is one thing that COVID has taught us all, it is that sometimes even the most logical and reasonable of decisions may be those which inadvertently hurt others or are not wholly based on emotions, and it very much sounds to be like your friend has made the best decision she could based on her current circumstances and that it was not personal nor intended to hurt or offend you.

It is 100% ok that you feel how you do about this but try remember that the usual pre-COVID circumstances don't currently apply. I would caution you against breaking off your friendship because I really think it will reflect poorly on you and will otherwise cause possibly irreperable damage over something which seems reasonable and not intended to hurt you at all.

Surely you're not thinking that she should delay family planning until the borders open? I'm sure she would have asked you if it were at all possible. I understand that you're hurt but I'm not sure she felt like she had any other choice.

I don't know about you, but I truly want what's best for my best friends and vice versa. It sounds like your friend is doing what's best for her and her family and you're not being very supportive about it. At the end of the day, this is HER wedding, as close as you may be, you should understand that this day is not about you. It also sounds like a bunch of things that are beyond her control (and everyone else's) are happening and sometimes in life you just have to roll with the punches.