Not changing last name

It’s a very personal decision, but I have found that older folks tend to just assume you’re going to. I changed mine just because for me I have little attachment to my maiden name and if we have kids I’d like us to all have the same name as a family. No other reason, really. Even so, it was kind of off putting to me how focused people were on it. People were so obsessed about calling me by my new name. I don’t like the whole “pop the champagne she’s changing her name” thing because honestly changing my name was the least important thing about getting married.


Alternatively, I had a friend who was very against it and it was really jarring at her wedding how many people just assumed she was going to. Even her photo booth person listed her with her husband’s last name on the print outs. She was very intentional about letting people know she was not changing her name and so many just disregarded her.
I understand why people chose to do it and why they don’t. I wish we could stop judging each other on both sides, really! Sometimes I feel like I’m a bad feminist or something because I changed mine. Truth is, it’s a personal decision and we have every right to do what you want. If people assume, kindly correct them. You don’t owe anyone an explanation

This must be a regional thing. Most women my age (I'm 36) don't change their names. Even if they use a married name, everyone is a Ms. by default. This isn't a big deal

I did not change my name. (Neither did my MIL, nor my stepmom.)

In my circle, it's about 50/50.

It's a personal decision in some cultures, in others, a woman never changes her name. Anyone who tells you you "HAVE" to do something is, uh, politely, pulling things from their behind.

Definitely a personal decision but I also didn’t change mine. Honestly it’s such a hassle to change it and my husband didn’t really care.

I’m not - I changed it after my divorce several years ago and don’t want to change everything again. If we were younger I probably would, I’m not opposed to changing it, I’m just established at this point in my life.

It's personal preference. And as long as you both are on the same page that's all that matters. Yes it is starting to become a thing however it is still to new so it is still out of the norm. Me personally I could care less about caring on my last name i was brought up old school and believe it's just what you should do when getting married. For me it's more of an honor to get to take his last name. Second I want me and my fiance to share the same last name so when we have kids they as well have the same last name as both of their parents. But again it's all personal preference and eventually the world will catch up.

I am not changing my name. I still have some relatives that call me "The Future Mrs [FH last name]," but at this point, I stopped correcting them. It's a personal decision on whether or not to change your name, and it is not wrong to not change your name.

I'm not. We are both in our 40s and we both agree that our last names are both a little weird and would rather not swap. so I will stay me and he will stay him. Although I do wish sometimes we were becoming "The blahblahs" together. So we have a fake smashed name that we will use when we need to... Change or don't... There are no rules anymore.

I'm really waffling about changing my last name. I grew up with every married woman I know taking her husband's name, except for one friend's mom, and I thought it was so weird that she kept her maiden name! Now that I'm an adult, it's hard to imagine being called anything else - not to mention FH's last name is very unique, so I'd be spelling out both my first and last name to people (my current last name is very common). My parents didn't give me a middle name, though, so if anything, I'll move my maiden name to my middle name and take my husband's last name when we start having kids or something.

Yeah I decided not to change mine a long time ago like way before I met my husband. I got a lot of negative responses when it would come up in conversation (I was never like advertising it) from "ew" to "you'll meet a man and want to give him everything." And if was really annoying. We got legally married two years ago for logistic reasons (very romantic lol) and I just made an announcement on social media that I prefer to be called Ms Mylastname and no one has said anything. It's frustrating though.

This must be one of those things that is still highly regional because where I live (western US) it's not automatically assumed that women will change their name any more (thank goodness!). I mean, women still do change their name, of course, but the ones that don't don't get rude responses.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this, but stay strong. You are in the right (that this is completely your decision) and people will just have to get over it.

I didn't change mine haha.

I will probably change my name legally to have the same last name as my kids, but I will always use my maiden name professionally. My husband didn’t go to law school and make a reputation for me in the legal community, I did.

That's a choice between you and FH. Many people will have opinions but it's your marriage. My first marriage I chose to hyphenate but SS just changed it to his. This time around we spoke about it and I won't be changing my name.

Nope! Not changing my last name either! I considered hyphenating but my fiancé’s last name is long (and also 2 words). So I’m keeping mine how it is.

I think it's a personal decision! I have a friend whose sister got married and the husband actually took his wife's last name, and I know another couple that did this too. I also know plenty of women as well who have chosen to keep their last name after marriage, especially those who have their last name attached to accomplishments like degrees or certain professions. But I definitely think it is becoming more common amongst all women regardless! Some people are still just hung up on traditional societal norms. Try not to think too much about it. You'll still be married whether you have the same last name or not!

I've been going back and forth on it too. I really like my last name and don't love his. Plus I agree with you, it's the only name I know and I don't want to change it. However, long-term, I think I will want to have the same last name as my kids (and he definitely wouldn't want to hyphenate our future kids' names), so I think I'm going to change it.

It's funny, most women I work with now aren't changing their name after getting married, so I feel like changing mine will make me seem old-fashioned. One woman I work with didn't change her last name until she had kids, so I thought of doing that but I figured I might as well get all the paperwork done now.

Another couple I know is thinking of picking a completely new last name, symbolizing that they're both creating a new family together, so that's kind of neat. It's whatever you feel comfortable with! I would just sit with it for a while, but you're definitely not alone in keeping your name.

Can’t speak for all but I think most females feel this way about their last name. This was a big discussion for us as I have always said I’m not changing my name. I took his side into perspective though. His mom never took his dads name and he always felt awkward when his friends would ask what to call his parents and he felt his mom wasn’t in it for the long hall. Which unfortunately is the case they have since split. I’m not eliminating my name nor hyphenating just adding an addition.

I'm tired of pronouncing and spelling my last name and looking forward to taking his much simpler one. If that is seen as "old fashioned" so be it LOL.