Not Changing My Last Name

I'm changing my name, but that sounds so annoying and insensitive. It's 2019! Lots of women keep their name for lots of good reason. I hope you stick to your decision!

I'm changing my name, so haven't dealt with anything like this. But honestly, if you're fine with people assuming and calling you your husband's last name socially, just let it go. I know it's annoying, but pretty soon, it will be old news and they won't care anymore. I've been living with my fiance for years and his family gets us personalized gifts all the time with his name on it. And I know it's not exactly the same because I do intend to change mine. But even if they to intend for it to persuade you, it doesn't mean they CAN persuade you. I would just graciously accept the gifts, let it roll off your back, and move on. It will be your name forever, but they will only care about it for a little while.

I’ve decided to not legally change my name but am not fussing over the social aspect. It’s rude of people to attempt to persuade you... it’s your decision.. and they’re wasting their money. If just thank them and move on. Do your thing.

We received 1 single monogrammed thing and it was a cutting board from my cousin with our wedding date on it. I did change my name, but was debating what to do with my middle name, so I didn't decide for a long time. It's crazy how many couples get monogrammed things gifted to them, maybe it's a regional thing? I can't imagine you'll keep getting monogrammed gifts if there aren't any on your registry? Hopefully at least.

I was married before, and changed my name, but I will be hyphenating my name, so it will be old married name-new married name. FH wasn't thrilled about it, but I want my daughter and I to share a last name (that's important to me). FH's twin sister reminded him that his mother did the same, so he ended up acquiescing. To each their own.

After I got married the first time, my own father named a boat [my first name] [ex-husband's last initial]. Yeah, he knew better. He just thought it was funny.

I don't have any advice, just sympathy.

When I told my MOH that I wasn’t changing my name she said “Well then what are you getting married for?” In her little corner of the world, it would be unheard of for a woman to keep her name. I reminded her of the many reasons I planned to keep my name (I’ve since changed my mind and intend to change it) and though she was supportive, she just couldn’t grasp it.

That does sound annoying, and as a persuasion tactic it's pretty weak too. I live in an area where women hardly ever change their name legally, but we still use the husband's name socially. It's so not a big deal; I don't get why people care about someone else's name. I think if you act nonchalant and let their opinions flow over you (eg. "that's fine, I just don't want to"), they'll soon get tired of making their case.

I'm changing my name but because I want to. I've seen a few brides/to-be on here talk about not changing their name and I honestly don't see why it bothers anyone else that isn't you! It's none of their business and you are still your own person and have your reasons. They should just leave it alone. I hope they stop.

I'm also planning to keep my name for mostly professional reasons. I haven't gotten married yet, so no monogrammed gifts, but I have dealt with the judgment and it is really grating. If they don't know, then no harm done. But to give you a gift they know you don't want to try to persuade you to alter an aspect of your identity is just disrespectful. I don't see how my name is anyone else's business. Your friends and family should just respect your decision and move on with their lives.

Wow. I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion but geez, they really need to get over it already. I’m keeping my name for professional reasons too but will change it when I retire. I only feel bad when people call him by my last name. But not really! Women have been dealing with that for years! Good on you! I’m such a strong self opinionated person that people are smart enough not to say anything to my face but they talk. I so don’t even care. Lol. It makes me happy when women stand up and do what’s right for them!

You have nothing to defend yourself over. Change the topic and ask about the weather.

For me to change my name would take several thousand dollars and a year of paperwork with the medical board-for my patients to continue to call me Dr. Maidenname. So I told FH I am legally staying the same on paper, but at home people can call me Mrs Marriedname. No paperwork.

I feel your pain. It didn’t bother me from the people who didn’t know I wasnt changing it, but from family members and friends who knew, it really bothered me. It’s just old beliefs that’s when a women gets married she should obviously assume part of her husbands identity. Instead of getting upset though, I returned what I could, reminded people of my choice, and started making jokes. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone, or allow them to try to persuade you. When father in law asked what last name the kids would have (we don’t even want kids) I responded they just won’t have one. If they can’t respect my choice, then they get to hear my sarcasm. Get prepared for all the wedding checks saying Mr. and Mrs. husbands name

I'm sorry you're having this happen. I would just continue to make it clear. I've struggled with the idea of changing my last name (I WANT to but I'm the last one in my bloodline). No one should feel like they have to change their last name just because they get married. I'm choosing to, but everyone should have just as much respect for the ladies who chose not to. Best of luck! Happy planning! 🍀

View Quoted Comment I think that wonderful that you're keeping your old name so you can match your daughter. ❤Growing up, I always wanted to have the same last name as BOTH of my parents and it really bugged me that my mom didnt. I'm so glad for you that your FH understands now.

My sisters and I made an agreement when we were young to not change our last names of our respective FHs. Much of my identity is tied to my name; professionally I’ve earned so much and worked so hard for everything I’ve achieved. His last name doesn’t sound right with my first name anyway! Don’t listen to what everyone around you is saying...ITS YOUR NAME.

I'm not changing my name either. I have a very unique name that, according to literally everyone I've met, is the "coolest last name ever" (their words, not mine... to me it's just my name!). But because of my name being so "cool" everyone has always called me it instead of my first, so giving up my last name would really be like giving up my first. When my FH and I first got engaged we were discussing having him hyphenate his name with mine, and his parents said "why would you do that, it's so much work for you and what if it doesn't work out?" As if they weren't expecting ME to do the SAME exact thing. The whole changing your name debate is so dumb, it's your name and you should be free to keep it without being made to feel bad!

I'm sorry you're getting annoying comments. I'm also not changing my name, although my decision is to hyphenate instead. I haven't gotten anyone to persuade me to do otherwise. I usually say that I have such a cool last name - why would I completely drop it?! And they seem to be satisfied with that answer lol.

I am also not changing my name, more for myself. I changed my name when I was married the first time, and then when we divorced I hypenated for my son. By the time my son was 16 he did not care anymore what my name was, so I went back to my maiden name and I am keeping it. FH doesn't seem to mind and the few people that have asked thought it was a good idea that I keep my own name. Good Luck and don't let the negative nellie's get you down!