Not drinking at a Bach

Unfortunately, there is no set protocol. The typical bachelor and bachelorette parties featuring drinking, strippers etc. have never been recognized or endorsed by traditional etiquette.

Obviously, they have become very common, and are not always so scandalous these days. I think what you have to do is work it all out in the planning. I would let whoever is organizing know what you are willing to do and what your budget is and then go from there.

As with any group activity, it is appropriate for the organizer to consult with everyone who has said they want to be involved and plan together, not just unilaterally dictate what you what you need to contribute. Unfortunately, you too often see posts by bridesmaids being billed for bachelorettes, including over the top destination weekends they never had any part in planning as well as those from friends complaining that someone didn't "pay up."

Congrats on your pregnancy!

Congrats on your pregnancy, how exciting! As far as the bachelorette party goes I d offer a set amount for groceries or offer to bring specific foods/snacks to share, pay for a few of the brides drinks , and ask for a separate check at dinner(when ordering) but give something towards the group bill to cover a bit of the brides meal. Talk to whoever is organizing the events beforehand hopefully it ll be an easy thing to figure out. Have fun at the parties!

It’s really sad that as a grown adult you feel that pressured to drink. Regardless of being pregnant or not. If someone makes you feel like you have to be ashamed of not drinking at any social event, pregnancy aside, they are not your friends. You stand up for yourself and you don’t drink. What could they possibly do? They can’t force you. If they do, you leave and don’t interact again. You can tell the bride privately that you are pregnant, but beyond that, it’s no one’s business. If anyone should be ashamed, it’s the ones who are bullying you into feeling that you are a bad person because you are choosing to not drink. And that applies whether you are abstaining due to pregnancy, addiction, religious reasons or not being interested in alcohol, because there are numerous reasons why people do not drink and every one of them is valid.


As far as how to split costs, talk to the hostess who is usually the maid of honor. They can tell you what the process is of how expenses are split and paid. They don’t need to know your pregnancy status or why you will not be drinking, nor do you need to bring up the topic of conversation. Again maintain your boundaries or you will be railroaded. Do not spend a dime on alcohol for anyone if you are uncomfortable and they cannot force you to pay for it.

I’ve never understood the whole adding up the total and then “splitting” thing with Bachelorette parties. The only thing we did that with for mine was the AirBnb cost. Everything else, everyone paid their checks (except one lunch I bought all the pizzas and yes you read that right, the bride bought for her party 😂). This way everyone could feel comfortable ordering whatever food or drink they wanted and not worrying about someone being mad because the bills were going to be added up and split equally.


If they are wanting to do it that way (which I still say is dumb and unfair), inform whoever is the planner that you will not be participating in this “splitting” thing and will pay YOUR parts ON YOUR OWN.

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That sounds reasonable to just have one fixed amount that people contribute toward. It always has seemed that splitting the bill always is higher per person than anticipated. Also, if someone is willing and able, they can do like you -- pay for something beyond their own food and drink.

I would just ask for separate cheques, and buy the bride a few drinks. Congrats on the pregnancy!