Not feeling like a bride

I had some similar experiences with dress shopping. My family all lives in another state, so I only had my FMIL and my FSIL go shopping with me and there when I said yes to the dress. My FSIL is the one who will be going with me to final alterations appointments because I need someone to learn the bustle and she's so willing to step up.

TV, movies and social media have really influenced how we view brides and weddings but ultimately unless you have a huge budget, a lot of that isn't reality. Try to avoid comparing yourself to other brides, even on here, what works for them won't always work for you and that's okay! At the end of the day it's about marrying your best friend, your person and celebrating that love. The people who want to love and support you will show up whether you spend $100 or $100,000. But they'll never be as excited as you are or want to talk about wedding things as much as you do.

Buy yourself the bride shirt, make the experience yours. I personally didn't really feel like a bride until my first bridal shower with the veil and sash and people surrounding me with love. The planning process can be lonely, but the pre wedding events are when you really feel like a bride to be.

We did 100 guests for $7500. I compared prices on EVERYTHING and made a chart so I knew what was in budget and what wasn't.

With all of the love in the world, I think you're comparing too much. I've not found my dress yet, but I'm just going with my mom and one friend. My other bridesmaids live far away and I don't expect a bachelorette party, let alone them to fly out here for dress shopping or a bridal shower. It took me a bit to get over the feelings of missing out on those "experiences." But the truth is, not everyone has those. And that's okay. So my plan is to lean into what I do get to enjoy - conversations with my fiance, and focusing on the fun aspects that we're planning. I'm excited for the string lights, candles, my bouquet, and dancing with my friends. I'm excited for how handsome he is going to look in his tux, and I'm really hoping the weather is lovely. I'm excited to get my nails done with my mom in the days leading up to it, having my whole family together (we don't live near each other, so this is the first time we've been together in years), and just enjoying the experience.

I realize these aren't the things you see on instagram or in movies, but I'd really lean into the other aspects that you're excited about. The things that will make this such a great experience.

We've also had to greatly expand our budget. Much like you, we did research and had a plan, reached out to real vendors, and realized we had severely underestimated our area. And as much as that is giving me so much stress, I just keep thinking about how much I want this.

I hope you find peace in this all. And honestly, definitely do buy yourself some cute "bride" things. Maybe don't go crazy, but a few things. A friend bought me some socks. They're legit not cute, but... they do make me feel a little special every time I see them in my sock drawer.

So maybe a coffee tumbler! Or a pair of socks. Or a phone case. Or an apron. Whatever fits you! And let it bring you a smile. Let it make you think of the things that you are excited for.

Another thing that helped me feel better and more bride to be planning the wedding, was I created two foam boards, one was with sticky notes as a checklist of sorts (I'm type A) and the second was a mood board with fabric swatches in our colors and pictures of the inspo we're using and things we've booked like a backdrop and neon light and venue pics and pics of the flowers we want, etc. It gives you a vision of what your day will be like and it helps keep you excited. My fiance smiles everytime he walks by it.

Hey Mikayla. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. I had somewhat of a similar situation when I got engaged too. FH and I were still in grad school and planned to have the wedding nearly 2 years out so we could finish school, find jobs, save up, etc. He was adamant about not planning until we had jobs, which stung because I was really excited to start planning. We compromised on just picking a date and booking our church and reception venue. I went to a bridal boutique in my hometown with my mom just to look around, but I ended up finding my dress right there. I love my dress and getting to have my mom there, but I really wanted to have my MOH, grandma, and FMIL all together to pick a dress. Then Covid hit, and our engagement, any kind of celebrations with friends, or taking engagement pictures all fell off. I didn't want to plan anything since nobody knew what was going to happen, so nothing really happened for a while, our engagement became old news, and we ended up postponing for another year. For the better part of 2 years I didn't really feel like a bride, and after a while it felt weird when anyone would say congratulations since we'd been engaged for a while and didn't have any wedding plans together.

We didn't really get back into planning until this year. It felt weird taking engagement pictures when we'd been engaged for so long already, and I still felt a little "off" at my shower for the same reason.

I think what flipped the switch for me was just starting to lean into the process on my own, like Grace had mentioned. We got most of our vendors booked right away, so I started envisioning what the day would look like when everything finally came together, and I got more excited as things started to get more concrete. We have a board with a countdown in our apartment, and we just recently passed the 100 day mark. We're about 3 months away, and I'm starting to get to the more "end of the line" parts of planning, like picking invitations, scheduling my hair & makeup trial, writing notes to different people to give out on the big day, etc. Things getting more "real" has really helped.

This is all a long-winded way of saying that you'll get that "bridal" feeling. Buy yourself the "bride" things, get excited about the parts of your wedding that you're looking forward to the most, and know that we're all here to support you along the way

Mikayla,

Don't let societies expectation of the "bridal experience" make you feel bad about yours. I don't see anything wrong with 3 bridesmaids, dress shopping with a few people, etc etc. You're making yourself feel bad about things that aren't bad, or even uncommon!

I only went dress shopping with my FMIL and my mom. My fiance arranged a post-engagement dinner + drinks and my parents and 1 friend were there, the rest were his. But I never looked down on any of these things, because very rarely do people ACTUALLY have 8+ bridesmaids who drop everything to shell out thousands of dollars for the bride. It just isn't reality, but that doesn't mean your bridesmaids don't love you.

As far as your bach goes, are you able to contribute to make it a better experience for yourself? I paid for a substantial amount of my bachelorette party because I wanted to do x, y, z, but didn't/couldn't burden my friends or they probably couldn't come.

If I was you, I would take matters into my own hands. Arrange a bridal brunch, bridal shower, etc etc. If you feel like nobody cares, then step up for yourself girlfriend! Buy yourself the bride attire, rock it, and soak it all up. Nobody is stopping you, and the reality of life is that the bride will care about her wedding tenfold more than anybody else will. That "special feeling" that we always get told to "soak up" comes from the love from our friends and family. If your friends and family aren't the most....go-getters if you will (arranging parties for you, surprises, etc), you CAN do it yourself. They will show up and shower you with love regardless!

Everyone above has great recommendations and different experiences, so you're not alone in trying to navigate the norm. However, there is no norm. Comparing your experience (or budget!) to TV or Instagram is now really setting yourself up for disappointment. There are alot of hidden tears behind those bachelorette posts. You can still reclaim your engagement excitement for yourself so go ahead and get the bride shirt, plan a ladies outing, show us on WW your ideas. Celebrate your love with your partner.

When people say you should enjoy the engagement experience, I have no idea what they mean. I planned a big budget wedding in 5 months in lockdown, with a partner with FOMO. The FOMO actually hurt us, so I strongly recommend letting go of unrealistic wedding expectations for the sake of your marriage. All will be okay as long as you look to each other. Best wishes.

The typical "bride life" as seen on instagram doesn't exist. I think that a lot of people have in their minds what's going to happen, and then are disappointed and upset when it doesn't.

No-one is going to care as much about your wedding as you and your FI will. Focus on being truly grateful with what you do experience. Comparing yourself with others or with instagram will only steal your joy.