Not feeling the stripper idea

If that would cross a boundary for you, you need to vocally set that boundary. I don't think it's "gross" at all, but if you think it would be disrespectful to your relationship, tell him that!

My friends and I have thought about hiring one for my FH's bachelor party, where their husbands will also be, because we think it would be hilarious and just fun. You don't have to be okay, or not okay, with something like this. You just have to make sure you vocalize it to your future husband and set boundaries if necessary. If you don't, he may think it's just good fun and do it without knowing it upset you.

Just to add, I think you have to trust that your fiancé wouldn't touch anyone other than you even if there were every opportunity for him to do so. Hiring a stripper may be crossing a line for you and that's totally okay! But trust him with a stripper as much, if not more, than you would with the cute girl working in the cubical next to him.

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Be nice. There are WAY more reasons for divorce here than a stripper. If your husband wants to do anything to disrespect your relationship, he doesn't need a stripper to do it, trust me.

View Quoted Comment You deny human reality. You are clearly ignorant of the males of pornography and human nature. Have you ever researched the consequences of pornography on someone's life? Did you know that you can lead men to commit rape and impeach the pedophile? Pornography is not fantasy.
I don't care what you and your partner do and accept as normal. I'm talking about something that affects the whole of society but that you don't realize because you have a totally limited horizon of consciousness. Are strippers sacrosanct? Can anyone criticize? Everyone has the right to oppose what they want. I'm sure you are also opposed to what you don't agree with since you're talking here now.

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And where did I say that stippers are the only reason for divorce? Certainly a man does not need a stipper to disrespect the relationship but that does not change the fact that a woman dancing half naked for a man who is about to marry or is already married is disrespectful, not only with himself but with his future wife. So funny that you ask me to be nice with a situation where women are selling their bodies as objects and exposing themselves to all kinds of abuse and danger, I don't doubt that you go around saying that you are a feminist.

View Quoted Comment Well firstly, I’m the furthest thing you will find from a feminist, so we will just get that out of the way. You probably should absolutely doubt how well you know internet strangers.

I have a bridesmaid getting herself through grad school by dancing. Judge all you want, but I assure you she doesn’t give one damn about your judgement while she’s coming home to her ~husband~ with the amount of money she makes.

And lastly, it should probably start at home. I trust that my fiancé only has eyes for me. If I got him a stripper for his bachelor weekend, I would go to bed with a smile on my face knowing my relationship is safe and my FH is faithful. I guess it’s a security thing. But thank you for your Ted talk!

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I accept that you and I have very different views on these topics. I believe that anything in excess can be bad for one's wellbeing, but that pornography is not inherently evil nor is stripping. For sex work in general, there are ways to do it responsibly, and ways that are exploitative. I am not telling you that your views are wrong (though I personally don't subscribe to them), but you were the one casting a value judgment on those who do not adhere to your views. Even now you've called me "clearly ignorant" and having a "limited horizon of consciousness", so I again repeat that you are coming across as very judgmental to people with views that differ from yours and it does not persuade people to consider your point of view and is frankly insulting in the process.

Back to OP's actual question (or anyone struggling with the same issue since it seems OP was able to come to a conclusion for herself) - I would suggest anyone consider what part of the strip club experience makes them uncomfortable and see if you can strike a balance with your partner about what would be acceptable to you and what crosses the line. For some people, viewing the performers on-stage will be fine but anything more than that is a no-no. For others, the idea of their future spouse even entering a strip club is just not okay with them and if that's the case, your partner should be able to respect that boundary (and if they can't, that isn't a stripper issue but a relationship issue). But if this is the kind of experience your partner wants for his bachelor party, I would see if you can find a middle ground that allows him that without engaging in any of the aspects that are really outside of your comfort zone.

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So what if you have a godmother who is a stripper and managed to go to grad school with the stripper's money? What does that change in this discussion? " If I got him a stripper for his bachelor weekend, I would go to bed with a smile on my face knowing my relationship is safe and my FH is faithful. I guess it’s a security thing." hahahahah letting a semi ni woman dance for your future husband is a sign that your relationship is safe and your fiance is faithful? hahahahaha stop forcing something that is not true. If you see no problem in your future husband having a stripper at your bachelor party, don't complain if one day you find out that he cheated on you.

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That’s the thing, stripper, coworkers, old friends, random cute girls - I’m not worried for a second about being cheated on. It’s extremely freeing to have trust for and in your relationship. Good luck!

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And lastly before I’m done with this pointless discussion with you, being rude and catty (with people you don’t even know in this situation) is way more likely to get you cheated on than a stripper at a bachelor party. Men hate that 😘

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I am talking about the structure of reality, facts and not opinion. A woman dancing semi-nude for a man who is getting married is disrespectful and that will not change just because you take such matters as opinion or something to feel comfortable or not. It is funny that people talk about stripper as if it were normal and acceptable and they treated conjugal betrayal as something unforgivable, as if the incentive to this type of activity would not result in anything.

Honestly, if he really wanted it I would be like whatever I prefer you not. But he is super uncomfortable around strippers. So he would be violating his own boundaries by getting a stripper.

View Quoted Comment Since you have such a wonderful and safe relationship no matter what, then you should should go around telling the secret so that maybe half of the marriages would not end in divorce. If the incentive to sexual freedom does not result in marital betrayal then prove it, it is useless to speak of "insecure" as if that were the answer to this matter.

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If you let a semi-nude woman dance for your future husband I think you have a better chance of being betrayed and ending up in a divorce from your anyone else. This self-assertion of security seems more like a cover of insecurity than anything else.

View Quoted Comment Oh no, I don’t have any secret. I don’t claim to. But I feel secure in my relationship enough to not be bothered by things like this. If you do the research on divorce in America, I can’t imagine that “strippers” would be listed anywhere. There are LOADS of reasons for divorce, a lot of which can be due to infidelity, probably more than half. I won’t argue that for a second! But I assure you, the stripper is the least of your worries. There are much easier ways and far more opportunities for your S.O to cheat if they have the desire to. Like I said to OP, if it crosses a boundary for you, that’s fine! Tell them that and if they cross that boundary after it’s verbalized, then there’s a problem. If I tell my FH that I’m uncomfortable with a stripper and he gets one anyway, we will absolutely have issues.

You are still nobody to judge the stripper you're uncomfortable with. She doesn’t want your man, she’s doing her job. If your S.O can't be around pretty women without the concern of infidelity, that's where the real issue lies.

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If you think a semi-nude, or any, woman can convince your husband to cheat, you need to reevaluate your relationship. That’s not on the stripper, that’s on your spouse.

I think, if I understand what Kim is saying, it’s that she sees this behavior as some level of cheating in and of itself & a slippery slope to be standing on. So, for her, the idea of being ok with your person cheating on you understandably creates outrage. Not saying the trajectory of the comments was at all ok, but clearly everyone has a passionate response to infidelity (pun not intended 😖). The important thing is that both parties to the relationship are on the same page, whatever you stand is!