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Beginner January 2022

Not getting my own way at my own wedding :/

Scared, on June 27, 2021 at 4:34 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 36

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Didn't really want children at mine, i even thought my 11 year old niece is too young. I said no kids to everyone but my future in laws brother is bringing his 8 year old. She is apparently mature and well behaved but it did upset me. My fiance is American so some of his family is flying over for the wedding. I just think if fiances mom said to them right away when they said they were coming or thinking about it if she said i didn't want kids there i think no offence would be taken and I'm not married til jan so enough time to get a sitter. Im just glad they're not bringing their baby! But even if she behaves i still feel uncomfirtable with it as i said no kids and yeah... i also got forced to have my 11 year old niece as a bridesmaid, (when i was a kid there was a situation she lived with us for a bit and it felt horrible and i felt blanked and unloved it was maisie this and maisie that, for me at that time a 10 year old it wasn't fair at all. My own wedding and it feels like how i feel doesn't matter! It sounds bad too but im not even excited yet... how could i be when nothing is going my way, my moms friend also forced her daughter to be a bridesmaid. No one even cares about how i feel lol, idk if theres any real answer to this. But just any words of advice? Have any of you guys gone through similar things?

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36 Comments

Latest activity by Steph, on July 4, 2021 at 12:05 AM

Beginner January 2022
Scared · on June 27, 2021 at 4:35 PM
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Also the 8 year old has been away from her parents before for a week and that so clearly that's not the issue, they have a big family so I'm sure someone would be able to sit her. Not that many of them are coming so
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Beginner January 2022
Scared · on June 27, 2021 at 4:45 PM
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And also having my niece be a part of it is upsetting too me as she had such a role in my childhood and i know it isn't her fault but i just get anxious around her. Seeing her brings it all back. I asked her at a moment of weakness. Mom went on at me 6 damn times although i said "i don't want her" very clearly
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Super October 2022
AJ · on June 27, 2021 at 5:00 PM
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If your mom or anyone else isn't financially contributing to your wedding they have no say, stick up for what you want. Where is the wedding happening? My fiance and I are paying for our wedding ourselves, so nobody has a say in who we invite except us and if they have a problem with it then they don't have to come.
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Beginner January 2022
Scared · on June 27, 2021 at 5:05 PM
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She is financially contributing but it feels like i too should get a say and a choice on things and i had a choice with a few things and that's it. The wedding is in jan next year. I don't think my fiance and i could even pay for it ourselves unfortunately lol.
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Beginner January 2022
Scared · on June 27, 2021 at 5:07 PM
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But fiances mom i don't think is paying for anything, maybe his suit IDK but aside from that. All she's paying for is possibly that and the hotel and the flight.
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VIP May 2022
Ava · on June 27, 2021 at 5:22 PM
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This is your day, and it is 100% within your right to specify that you do not want any children present. My fear with allowing these two to slide is that now the rest of your guests with children are going to be upset/offended because you told them it would be a child free event… then they arrive to your wedding and see other children there. If you want to ensure not to upset or offend your guests, a no child policy really needs to be consistent across the board- all children are welcome, or no children are welcome. Also, your parents contributing financially does not give them the right to have the final say in all aspects of your wedding. They OFFERED to contribute to YOUR event. Their monetary contribution is a GIFT … not a ransom or a business partnership.
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Super July 2020
Cool · on June 27, 2021 at 5:53 PM
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Unfortunately it’s very common for those who are financially contributing to the wedding to have some unreasonable “requests”. At the end of the day, it is their money. I know you said you can’t afford this yourselves, maybe it’s time to look into a different plan all together that you two can afford. That way no one has any say but the two of you.
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VIP October 2022
Mrs.evans · on June 27, 2021 at 6:18 PM
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Aww sweetheart I'm so sorry that you are going thru this,this time is supposed to be a happy time for you both. Have you spoken to your FH and let him know how you are feeling. And I hate when family imposed on your day and make you put ppl in your wedding party that you didn't want.And about the kids not being at your wedding you have to use your voice dear. If use can maybe compromise a little bit but if they do come tell the parents that they are responsible for their own children. You just focus on you and your new husband. We dont want any younger children like babies because we dont babies crying thru the ceremony but by then some of the kids will be a little older by then. Good luck sweetheart
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VIP October 2022
Mrs.evans · on June 27, 2021 at 6:20 PM
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That is very well said and a idea that you Ava can look into
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VIP May 2022
Ava · on June 27, 2021 at 6:35 PM
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Oh no, I don’t have this problem (thank goodness!). My parents just write the checks and let me make all the decisions 😂😂
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VIP October 2022
Mrs.evans · on June 27, 2021 at 6:38 PM
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I'm srry 😂😂 that was meant for Scared but I couldn't edit it Ava so srry
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VIP May 2022
Ava · on June 27, 2021 at 6:40 PM
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😂😂 no worries. I don’t know why you can’t edit comments on this stupid app!
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VIP October 2022
Mrs.evans · on June 27, 2021 at 6:41 PM
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Ok 😂😂I don't know it should be a option
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Beginner June 2022
Dee · on June 27, 2021 at 7:56 PM
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GIRL NO! You cannot let your family commandeer your wedding and turn it into a family reunion. I’m a mom of a 4 year old and I would be in no way offended by an adults old wedding. Do what makes you happy. Underage bridesmaid? Heck no… that is crossing the line. Stand your ground!
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VIP October 2022
Mrs.evans · on June 27, 2021 at 8:11 PM
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👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽yess boo we stand up for all our brides but even all women...
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Judith · on June 28, 2021 at 6:14 AM
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Honestly, I cannot find any sorry feelings for a child who has one period in her childhood when she is expected to share with another child, which she remembers as such an awful thing. Perhaps you should have had to share more and learned some empathy. It is fairly common in the U S for people to accept a child at a fun too who behaves like an adult, listening to conversation, and requiring little or no sympathy. Are you and your future husband paying for your whole wedding, or are your parents and his paying some? A wedding is not Your day, as the bride. It is your husband's ( who is not objecting to his mom's request, and both sets of parents too if they are paying any part of the wedding.
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Expert October 2018
Janet · on June 28, 2021 at 7:33 AM
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What does your future husband want? This isn't your wedding, it's about both of you. You're not marrying yourself. If he wants kids there, then you both need to have a talk. One persons feelings do not outweigh the other and neither should be dismissed. A wedding is one of the first major compromises that couples face. It has the two biggest categories that couple fight about. Finances and Family.
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Beginner January 2022
Scared · on June 28, 2021 at 7:38 AM
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Alright kinda rude lol but i think he doesn't mind if she is there or not tbh he doesn't seem to care, in fact we both aren't really kid people.
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Beginner January 2022
Scared · on June 28, 2021 at 7:40 AM
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It was awful and i was 10 so it was a lot it was a lot to deal with and yeah I'm still in therapy over it now 11 years later. Try having everyone ignore you when you're upset and everyone being like maisie this and maisie that and it was just awful. I'm not discussing this further. My feels are valid.
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