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Just Said Yes March 2021

Not including a future Step-son in our wedding

Bridget, on October 9, 2020 at 12:12 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12
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We are getting married March 6, 2021. Me and my FH have been together for almost 21yrs. I have raised his three boys. The two, oldest and middle, I have always had a wonderful loving nurturing relationship with. The youngest, never! My FH ex-w is not a nice person at all. And it really took ahold of the youngest. From the time he could talk he would make up lies about me to his mother. Tell his dad, my FH, horrible lies about me to get his way ie. Staying up late or not having me come over to the house when he is there. Fast forward..... he is now 20! He has been arrested multiple times, heavily into drugs(all kinds) and continues to lie and steal. He doesn't come around anymore he stays at his mothers house. My question..... we are having all our children be in the wedding, I have a 23yr old daughter, FH has three boys. NO ONE wants the youngest in the wedding(the other kids) cuz he creates horrible drama and is rude and confrontational. My FH "wants him in the pictures." TBH I don't want him to stand up at our wedding. He has caused nothing but heartache and at every turn has done his damndest to break up me and my FH. Help!!!!! What should I do? How should this be handled?? I'm really at a loss.

12 Comments

Latest activity by Bridget, on October 9, 2020 at 12:37 PM
  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    Oooof. That's rough. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

    I think you need to have a sit down with both your FH, and then also with your collective kids. (Maybe minus the youngest, at least at first.)

    This feels like a really knotty family problem that might best be faced with the help of a counselor, because addiction and theft can ripple out their effects into the relationships.

    On the one hand, I totally understand where your FH is coming from, because that's his son. On the other, I see where you and the other kids are coming from, because he keeps hurting you!

    Honestly, I think family counseling might help sort through this.

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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    I agree with the previous poster, family counseling may help. Perhaps this could be his warning. Your FH needs to tell him that you all woyld love to include him in the wedding but things need to change in order to do so.
    It's difficult having tge thought of someone being in your wedding pics when they consistently disrespect the bride and/or groom and they don't support your marriage.
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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    I think you should have your step children and FH all have a sit-down together to discuss this without the youngest being there of course. Get everyone’s concerns on the table and try to make a collective decision about it. A possible intervention with the youngest(not about the drug issue, just about him attending) might be a good idea that way you all can lay down the ground rules. My FHs brother has a similar issue and we’ve already explained to him if he can’t get himself together the day of, to please not come. If he shows up and he’s all messed up we’re having security kick him out. Its that simple. Good luck
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  • Anna
    VIP October 2020
    Anna ·
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    I’m also agreeing with counseling, not just to figure out what to do with the wedding, but to try to help the relationships as a whole. And I know that counseling is not going to help the 20yo if he’s not admitting he has any problems, but family counseling could certainly help the others navigate and learn how to deal and relate with him and each other better.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Takes some family pictures that include him. Leave him out of wedding party pictures, which will include other kids, and other people, but not him. It is what others do.
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  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
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    Well, it's FH's son so if he wants him standing, he should be. It's ultimately up to him, and it really sounds like it'd be helpful to everyone if you were more supportive rather than viewing his son so negatively. Not your child, not really your place.

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  • B
    Just Said Yes March 2021
    Bridget ·
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    That is what I was thinking also, counseling. I totally feel for my FH because I would want my child included (my daughter is my MOH) It's hard for me cuz he has been very physically aggressive to my FH. Cops called. Just very messy. Ultimately it's up to my FH. But I didn't know if it was something I should bring up and talk about. Treading very lightly.
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  • B
    Just Said Yes March 2021
    Bridget ·
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    It has been very rough. He has gone to rehab only for his mom to pull him out early cuz she was convinced he was better. His older brother who is an absolute saint and total sweetheart has really been exposed to the horribleness that is his younger brother. (They share the same mom) It breaks my heart all the way around for everyone involved. Very tough situation.
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  • B
    Just Said Yes March 2021
    Bridget ·
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    I've raised him since he was 22 days old. I've never mentioned how I feel. The kids have voiced their opinions. My FH is very concerned his son will ruin the day by either being high or just being all around unpleasant. I posted this question cuz I'm sure I'm not the only one who has dealt with this sorta issue. But thanks for your harshness about a situation that needs guidance.
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  • B
    Just Said Yes March 2021
    Bridget ·
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    I think counseling is in order for sure. When our wedding was mentioned to him his response was "oh." He then went on to say how my FH is cheating on me and other ugly horrible things. Just heartbreaking really.
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  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
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    Just my opinion. It seems he has a lot of pain in his life already to lead his life the way it has gone and I'd imagine being left out of his father's wedding wouldn't help that. That's all.

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  • B
    Just Said Yes March 2021
    Bridget ·
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    Yes I agree! It has been a horrible struggle for us all. We have tried everything with him only to have it bite us in the butt. We are all worried he will take the wedding as a moment to be really destructive (being mean and rude to people) I hate having this concern especially over someone I have raised and loved his entire life. As of right now he wants no part of the wedding but my FH is pressure him. Which I have concerns about. It's a big mess and I hope whatever happens goes smooth and it's a beautiful day surrounded by loved ones. That's my goal.🥰
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