Not into the weekend bachelorette outing

I am having a weekend bachelorette trip and before any plans were made, I spoke to my girls at length to discuss the options of a night on the town versus a weekend away and there was overwhelming support in favour of a weekend away. Once I put together an estimate of costs per person, I asked the girls again to confirm if they wanted to go ahead with the plans or if they'd prefer we do something local/cheaper. We are only going in November so the girls have plenty of time to save up (albeit despite being a weekend getaway, this will be much cheaper than some of the bachelorette trips I've seen mentioned on WW).

I think 'destination/weekend bachelorettes' are totally fine providing that there is good communication and transparency with those invited. Frankly, I'm of the opinion that these are important for any bachelorette party where those invited are being asked to pay their costs.

My BP wanted to do that for me. The problem was that I work in the restaurant industry, and, well, that's prime money-making time.

I loved the idea in theory (my BP were all friends, anyway), but *I* couldn't justify the time off work.

I’m debating the same thing and haven’t come to a conclusion. I’m thinking a weekend away, but keeping it driving distance and reasonably priced currently. Like the prior poster, the time away is hard. I don’t work weekends, but with the wedding and honeymoon won’t be able to afford to take off Friday or the following Monday.

My husband and I both skipped these. It was Covid times but neither of us like that tradition anyway... and literally all of our bridal party lives 8+ hours away in different directions so it just was not ideal. I would go with your heart on this one- you don’t have to have one, and if you do, it could be way more relaxed than a drunk night out or a weekend getaway. Day at the spa, golf outing, beach day, winery tour... whatever you like to do!

I'm planning on just doing a night out on the town locally. I'm pretty low-key and a night out is perfectly fine with me. Not to a mention an entire weekend sounds like a lot to me...I'm an introvert lol. I can't justify asking anyone to shell out so much money for a weekend away on top of what they're spending for my wedding. Do what feels right for you.

I’ve never really understood the idea of a destination Bach party as those usually cost hundreds to thousands for guests, but a local weekend away is pretty common in our social circle, even for regular girls’ weekends with friends. It really depends what’s planned and how much it’ll cost for me. H was invited to a local weekend bachelor party a few years ago but we weren’t invited to the wedding and the guys planning the weekend said it would be about $1,000 per person so that was a hard no.

I honestly think it has a lot to do with the expectation of the bride. A local night out or weekend away is a lot easier to plan than a big destination event. And like a previous poster said, communication is key.


As to your second question, you know how these boards go lol. Very few people come on here to talk about how amazing thing are lol.

My friend group is much more "chill at the beach" than "night on the town," so that's what we're doing for my bachelorette! I understand these trips being awkward for mixed groups, though - I didn't attend my SIL's sleepover bach party for this reason. My MOH and I researched vacation rentals at beaches within a few hours drive (we all live in the same general area) and everyone agreed to the per person price. FWIW the beach trip is something we all would've liked to do regardless of reasoning. I still feel guilty about them spending the money, though, so I'll probably cover the cost of groceries and a little gift for each of them.

I don’t necessarily agree with this. I’m an introvert all of my friends are extroverts. I have five different friend groups coming together for four days in Vegas. It isn’t “cheap” but we all make decent money. If anyone of them couldn’t afford to come the rest would split up the cost (contributing what they can afford). That’s just how we’ve always been and that’s honestly the type of people I like in my circle. I hate stories where people go out and and someone can’t afford to eat and there “friends” don’t pay for them or there doing rocket science level calculations to split the bill. With all of our friends we can all say “hey I need x amount of money for this can you send me something and one of us will step up to do it”. Because, in a week or a month or a year it may be us in a rough spot. You never know what situation life may thrust upon you and I’m happy I have a group of girls that I know I can rely on for all manors of support.


It’s all about respecting boundaries. If two people want to stay in and the rest want to go out, then two will stay in and the rest will go out. If some want to do “this” activity and the other want to do “that” then split up and meet later. Of course we’d rather everyone do every activity together but it’s not a must. I think some people make things harder than they need to be. And others abuse there “friends”, but I don’t stand for any of that kind of behavior and will distance myself immediately.
About five of us went to Jamaica for my birthday this year and we had a great time. If any difficulties arose we talk it out and laugh about it later. We don’t have this fantasy that relationships are always going to be easy or that people have the same love language, schedules or social needs. I can go weeks without talking to anyone but they know if they need me I’ll be there. They also know I need my alone time and to just leave me alone.
It’s simply about knowing your friends, letting them be who they are, respecting people enough to make their own decisions, supporting them when and however you can.

Well, the main reason these full-weekend bach parties originally started cropping up is because many more people move around and stay in touch these days.

Back in the day, it was way easier (and most optimal) to do a local night out in the nearest metropolitan (or semi-metro) area because no one really left their hometowns, and if they did, that friendship connection typically fell by the wayside, as social media/internet/cell phones didn't exist.

I have 9 people in my bridal party. A few of them live in my city, two live of different sides of the state, and four live out of state around the country.

I didn't ask for, nor expect, a bach party. They all got together (virtually) and went through destination options, budgets (this was done on a one-on-one basis), comfort levels, etc. They came up with a vacation-esque destination about 3 hours (driving) away from my city. They elected to get a home rental there, so we'd have a home base that allowed for privacy and a bit of space. The destination itself was chosen because it's mostly a laid-back place with some nightlight thrown in.

Other than one nice dinner, there aren't any concrete plans (from what I know, though they're obviously all planning it themselves). Some know each other, some don't, but all are adults who respect one another. No one's doing anything they're not enthusiastic about, and the majority of the weekend will be spent relaxing by the pool or in the home.

It was awesome that everyone had a free weekend, and the people from out of town/state wanted to travel in. We treated it like we'd treat any group travel experience. We're all very lucky to have the means to be able to travel.

Had they not planned a bach party, or had only the local people been able to go, or only some out of town people, etc., all would have been totally okay with me. Expectations, group dynamic, and general human consideration are paramount for any kind of wedding event... including the wedding.

Nothing's inherently wrong with "destination" bach parties (outside of the pandemic). For my whole (or even most of) bridal party to be able to participate, there literally wouldn't be any other choice than to do a "destination" party for at least *someone*. Just like my wedding is a "destination" wedding for a portion of the guest list.

I think it definitely depends on your group of people. We are doing a weekend getaway joint bachelor/bachelorette trip. FH and I didn’t suggest a getaway or have any hand in the planning - it was completely planned by my maid of honor and his best man. We didn’t even know they were planning anything until they approached us with the idea of a joint trip. They had already spoken with the entire wedding party and everyone was in agreement that they were ready for a fun getaway after being cooped up because of this pandemic for long! The bridal party and groom’s party will be staying at the same hotel, but in different suites. Some activities we will do together as a group, and some activities the guys and gals will split up for. FH and I would have been perfectly fine with having local parties/nights on the town as well, but Bach trips have become quite common in our circle of friends. We have all lived in the city for many years and we all have pretty active social lives, so a night on the town isn’t really as special for us since we all do it regularly.

I think this totally depends on the group and the people. My friends all love any reason to go on a weekend getaway, so a destination bachelorette party is a common occurrence in my group of friends, and it does not bother me at all. Similar to how some people choose destination weddings instead of local weddings, or how some people choose to elope with no one else there, and others choose a large 300+ person wedding, there is no wrong answer for this topic. If you are invited to a destination bachelorette party and are not a fan of the idea, you could always decline the invite.

I am not into it! i definitely did not want a whole weekend trip for my bach just because it was too much time and costs. i mean i do like to travel though so i would have been down regardless but i felt like for the sake of time and money it was better not to for my group

I am not a “girls trip” kind of person and have a lot of anxiety so a group trip with potentially some strangers and having to stay in the same Airbnb with them sounds like hell on earth for me. Anyone who would ask me to be in their wedding knows me well enough to know I wouldn’t be able to handle something like that. I’d either get a hotel of my own or not attend, based on location and how much the bride cares.

Most of our friends are spread out, so it just makes sense to make a weekend of it if you probably have to travel anyway. And you can have a night on the town anytime - to me a bach is a bigger deal, so a weekend trip is more fitting. But if everyone is local, then I'd try to keep it within a couple hours' drive.

We did a joint bachelor/ette party in the mountains over Labor Day Weekend. For most people it was a few hours' drive, but we had to fly.

The two weddings I have been in thankfully only had the "fun local night out" style of bachelorette party. I didn't have one for my wedding. I have never been invited to the "expensive weekend away with acquaintances" style, and I ain't at all sad about that.

My personal expenses are all strictly budgeted for, and my time off work is so precious to me, that I can't imagine wanting to spend time and money for a "vacation" with travel partners I didn't choose, unless the bride was VERY close to me (like, a sister, but luckily my sisters are all happily married).

View Quoted Comment As a guest I would likely pass because of logistics. Everyone has their own comfort zone.

View Quoted Comment That makes sense. Do what works for you

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the insight

View Quoted Comment I completely understand that. Which is why I mentioned that it really only works if everyone is in the same friend group so you can relax. But boundaries need to be respected