Not into the weekend bachelorette outing

View Quoted Comment That makes sense. Thank you for the insight

View Quoted Comment Excellent advice.

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And I was asking from a bride’s perspective because logistically a weekend trip even domestically in the US without being a destination location is not feasible due to not only cost and scheduling but everyone having to travel with no two being local to anyone. While everyone in the group is friends with each other, it is really alot to ask or expect of them to travel 2 weekends in a row. A night on the town the night before the wedding is the easiest for everyone.

I am of two minds about it. Personally, I will do either a night out on the town (locally) or a house party with a fire pit in the backyard.



As for my thoughts on Bach weekends...on one hand, it can be really fun to spend a weekend with friends. My FH and I have done weekend-long vacations with his friends and they are very good about letting one person duck out for a quiet moment or if one person doesn't want to go on an outing and stays at the rental to take a nap instead. It is only fun because we all know eachother, can be honest with eachother, and we all respect eachothers boundaries.
On the other hand, I can completely understand how bad trips devolve into being miserable experiences all around. Lack of communication, no respect for boundaries, overloaded events schedule, etc. There are many ways things can go wrong and then everyone has lost a lot of money and time.

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I'm curious on how your BP managed this. I would love to go to Vegas and my guest list consists of various friends that are not necessarily friends with each other (nothing bad, just not in the same group). I've tried to come up with ideas that would require an RSVP and payment upfront, so no one "no-shows" leaving the rest of the group to come up with the difference. I've looking into Scavenger hunts, Bar crawls and even a night in at our villa. Any other suggestions?

I don't dislike the trend, but I think if you have a variety of personalities and people with different budgets attending, that should be taken into consideration. I think anything from a night in with adult entertainment could be just as fun as a weekend away.

View Quoted Comment It was pretty easy. I say girls what do you guys want to do. We made a list, I searched to see if they have it available during the time we are going to be there, then we’ll say okay on xxx date your payment is due for this event, we usually cash app it to who ever is hosting the event and then that person pays for it. They send everyone the confirmation that it was paid for and then we move on to the next thing.


We’re doing atvs, comedy show, sip and paint, massages, bar crawl and skydiving.
Groupon has a lot of options in Vegas.
If anyone doesn’t pay by the day or can’t afford it, I message them privately and ask how much they need. Then I message the other girls privately and ask if they can contribute and we make it work. When you know your friends you know how to put the pieces together. Some will say “ Girl, I’m not paying xxx to do this can we do this or listen youre crazy we are not skydiving” so they’ll go off and do something else or they’ll come and morally support the rest.
There’s no pressure. Even if they are in the room half the time talking to their husbands, I appreciate the fact that they came and they’re able to support me how they show their support which may not look like how I show mine and that’s okay.
I suggest you make a group chat. Have ideas of what you want to do. Have prices readily available. Have dates readily available. Flight times and prices available. A payment schedule far enough in advance for people to save a little. And let your party have their input.

I am totally not about a weekend trip now, but I did do one for a friend's bach back in 2013. To be fair, I'm very definitely an introvert now, but was significantly more extroverted then. I'm super glad my sister knows me as well as she does and planned basically the perfect bach for me. It started around 1PM when we (my sister, cousin, two friends, and I) did an escape room. Then the 5 of us went wine tasting at one of the local wineries. After that we met up with 2 more friends for a nice dinner, then all 7 of us went to a local resort that has hot tubs of various sizes available for "rent" for an hour at a time. We got back to my place around 9:30PM and then people went on their way home. Those who were able to join could basically come and go as they wanted or were able to and it was just a fun and mostly relaxing day. My husband went out of town the next day for his bach and.... well, as an introvert I was super glad he was gone and I had the apartment alone (with the cat) for the day to recharge.

At this point in my life, I would most likely decline a weekend bach trip. I would make a couple of exceptions, though. 1 - If my sister wants a weekend trip when she gets married, I'll go. 2 - If it's a small group (3 or fewer people) and we all already know each other, I might go. Though, in either of those cases, I'll also only go if I'm financially able to do so.

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Thanks so much!

Seems great in theory but I skipped. It seems over-hyped, super expensive, and unless the bridesmaids all know each other could be not as fun & easy as it looks in movies.

I personally do not want a whole weekend. I've been in bridal parties so I know that not all of these girls are actually friends. If it's a friend group, great! That could make for a fun trip. But in my case, none of my girls are really friends with each other, so it would be awkward all going somewhere for a weekend together and I just wouldn't want to force them to do something like that. We are instead doing a day at some wineries and having dinner. I'm excited because it's exactly what I like to do.

View Quoted Comment That makes sense and I think many don’t realize or understand that when organizing the weekend trips

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Yes! A lot of people forget this, especially those that have bridal parties who aren't a tight knit group. I just remember my best friend's wedding...I got along with all of her girls but none of them were my friends, so it would've been awkward for all of us to spend money on a trip together!

It entirely depends on the bride and the BP. For some groups of girls, this is no big deal and expected and even looked forward to. For some it's a burden. With wedding festivities becoming increasingly extravagant, I think the only thing to do here is take personal responsibility and kindly decline attending the festivities or even being in the BP if it's just too much of a burden. Any bride asking her friends to spend that much $ and time should understand that not everyone will be able to participate.

It entirely depends on the bride and the BP. For some groups of girls, this is no big deal and expected and even looked forward to. For some it's a burden. With wedding festivities becoming increasingly extravagant, I think the only thing to do here is take personal responsibility and kindly decline attending the festivities or even being in the BP if it's just too much of a burden. Any bride asking her friends to spend that much $ and time should understand that not everyone will be able to participate.

View Quoted Comment It’s not even the money most of the time, which not everyone has that much disposable cash to drop on a weekend, particularly if it’s not how they planned to spend their paycheck. But you do hit the nail on the head that things have gotten more extravagant and expected all across the board.


If you have anyone who is shy, introverted, not part of the main friend group who is attending (or maybe they are, who knows?), it is going to be hell on earth for them because it is so outside of their comfort zone. Depending on the location, it be may not be easy to just leave if they get overwhelmed. But not everyone takes that into consideration because they are expected to suck it up for 3 days and 2 nights.

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Totally agree. I've even been that girl haha. I used to resent my friend's that I felt didn't take my situation into consideration, but I've realized that it probably shouldn't be on me to change everyone else's plans. If I'm that uncomfortable then I should just not participate but still be fully supportive on the wedding day. Now, the only way that works is if the bride is also understanding. I think overall everyone needs to be more flexible haha

Still the majority I encounter or hubby does, I think a single afternoon or evening is all that should be attached to a wedding. Any group of people, at any time, can take a mini vacation together. But every one I have been invited to of the mini vacation trip has been a mess, or so many have cancelled that those left pay a fortune. And the trouble mostly comes because people think they must say yes to the bride. 🤗 I must admit, my husband's and mine (separately )
we're optional weekends. Using owned or borrowed cottages for a weekend, they were 15-30 minutes from people's homes. A few definite things on schedule, including lots of poker, asking, and an archery course at hubby's. Ipaid all for all of us for groc. A dinner out, a concert. Hubby's 3 older brothers did his. So no money, and whatever time commitment, an evening or 3 days. Just no transportation or lodgings, for starters, less an obligation. But I wish these long distance mini vacations got dropped from weddings.

I agree.


My bachelorette was local and we did an activity, then had dinner, then just hit the casino and hung there later in the night. My only request to the BMs was something low key, affordable, and close to home. No crazy weekend out of town. That's what we did! My hubby's bach party was a night out at a few bars. However, not a bachelorette, but my husband attended a bachelor party weekend in another state. He hated it and thought it was silly and over the top.
All the weddings I've been in have had local bachelorette parties similar to mine. One night out having some fun, but not too much! Lol

I think it totally depends on the group of friends and where people are coming from. My closest friends don't live locally and the people I'd most want at an event like this held in my honor would have to travel, so if they have to stay the night/weekend anyway, so it makes more sense for the weekend/overnight to just "be" the event.

If all of a bride's friends are local to where she lives, then a night/day out seems plenty appropriate. But if half the people are traveling I think it would be kind of awkward to have half the group have a longer overnight bonding experience while others only get to be included in the day portion. Also by including everyone in the whole event, the per person cost usually becomes cheaper (economy of scale type of thing), vs just splitting accommodations among some of the group.