Not Invited to Nephews Wedding

I’d agree that priorities are mixed up. Starting off life together only thinking about the fun vacation instead of acknowledging those who contributed to getting them to where they are by loving them, supporting them and being a part of their upbringing is not a good sign. But I don’t understand taking others with you to your honeymoon destination. I’m sure they don’t have any idea how much it would mean to Grandma or other family members contributed to their lives thus far to be included in some way. I understand its a growing trend to have a destination wedding, but they should still have invited certain people and let them decided if they could afford to go or not, The “friends” should pay for themselves if it is a choice of Grandparents or friends. Friends will come and go, Grandma’s won’t. I’d skip the gift and give them a beautiful card with a note: “Congratulations on your wedding. Grandma, Uncle... your cousins and I were with you in our hearts and would so much have liked to celebrate with you. We hope your wedding day was everything you dreamed it would be. All our love...” Then give them a big hug the next time you see them after the wedding and hope someday they understand the value of family.

A gift is not necessary and I don’t think they are expecting it, I wouldn’t give them one. I would just try to forget about the whole thing.

It is understandable to be sad about not going to this event. But please, let them have the wedding they want and don't hold it against them. You are separated from the situation. There are TONS of pros to your nephews wedding style and TONS of cons. It is up to him and his fiance to navigate them, if this is what they have settled on they surely have considered all of these things in doing so. I have no idea what it costing them 30k has to do with anything, it sounds like you are just upset that it isn't small due to cost, it's small because they want it that way, which I understand, but if that's what they want that's what they want. I'm sure they aren't trying to purposefully hurt anyone by having their wedding this way. You don't have to get them a gift at all, you weren't invited they definitely aren't expecting one. Hopefully all these comments sounding the same helps you out a bit. Realize that this isn't about you at all, weddings have changed a lot, what they are doing is completely fine. If you would like to celebrate your nephew, offer to take them out to dinner a month or so after the wedding.

Thank you everyone for replying, especially the ladies who had some empathy. I just wanted to explain a few things. First of all our family is very small. Just our mom, dad, my sister, her husband, her two boys and I am married and have two boys. So total family count is 10. My sisters husband is an only child and both of his parents have already died. I am their only aunt. They have no other aunts,uncles or cousins. We are close and although we live in different states we spend every Christmas together and have visits during the summer. I have been invited to and attended every event, including high school graduations. I never in my life would have thought that I would not be invited to one of my nephews wedding. Hence the shock and heartbreak. The only reason I mentioned the price of the wedding is because I wanted to let people know that it wasn't because of budget limitations. I needed input because after digesting the info that most of our tiny family wasn't invited I was unsure of what to do about the present. So I did an internet search. The only thing I could find were posts by brides that were angry that someone who wasn't invited to their wedding sent them a gift. Many thought that the gift was sent to make them feel guilty or out of spite. I also had the problem that my other nephew is getting married this weekend. I sent them the $500 kitchen Aid mixer that was on their registry. I Am bringing my family to this wedding which is costing about $4,000 and I am happy to pay it to celebrate with them, just as I would have been happy to do so for my other nephew. So their is no problem with me paying for myself or any jealousy about the wedding etc.
i was worried about the gift. Will my other nephews fiancé be angry for sending them a mixer which will be on their counter for the rest of their lives as a spiteful reminder that I wasn't invited to the wedding? I live and have to get my nephew a present even if I didn't get invited so I have decided that I will give them $100 cash in a nice card and I will leave it with my sister to give to them after their wedding. My sister may be annoyed that I am giving them less. Also, just FYI the bride of the wedding I am not invited to that her mom couldn't bring a friend to the wedding and The bride said no even though her mom is paying for half of the wedding. They haven't spoken for 2 months because of this. Is this the type of bride that might be offended by getting a gift from someone who wasn't invited ??? Not sure

Also, one last thing. Some of you are stressed about having to invite too many extended family members. Make your wedding an adult only affair and don't provide any babysitting. This will likely significantly reduce your yes rsvp's without having to leave anyone off the guest list. Since my husbands family is huge we've been invited to about 20 weddings over the past 15 years. Especially when our boys were young we both rsvp' d no. Now that they are bigger, 9 and 10, we usually get a room at a hotel with a pool near the wedding. I have a mini vacation with the boys at the hotel and I send my husband to the wedding.

I received cash gifts from my husbands colleagues/partners and some of his family that were not invited to the wedding. I never felt it was out of spite. I was honestly shocked because I probably wouldn't give a gift if the roles were reversed. Now I know how nice it is regardless of the amount so I will! Also, the partners at my husband's firm were generous. The bank teller made a comment on how generous my guests were and I said they weren't actually invited. She asked me if I felt bad and I said no. I didn't feel bad at all.

You can't predict how people will feel. It's also not always possible to be "fair". The two weddings are entirely different. Gift how you choose and don't worry about how people will feel about it. You'll drive yourself crazy!

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Dear Lola,

I am here because I wasn't invited to my niece's or nephew's wedding. And it STUNG!!!

They knew what they did was wrong by not including you and your mom. They will have to live with their decision and you have got to learn from their decision. I feel your pain.

I texted my niece about not being invited to her or her brother's wedding. She forwarded my text to my sister. And my sister got mad at me.

My sister blamed Covid for my not being invited. O.K. Unfortunately, that excuse was allowed for two years. Not a good excuse, now, but an excuse that worked during The Covid outbreak and an excuse a lot of people liked. Unfortunately, so many older people had to DIE ALONE because of that excuse.

Recently, my sister told me my nephew and his new wife are pregnant. Great!

I did give my niece, her new husband and my nephew and his new wife Wedding Gifts. I do not think I will be buying any baby gifts for either of them in the future. I need to save my money. Inflation, ya know.

I enjoyed having a relationship with my nephew and niece when they were younger. I LOVED them SO much. Now, I must understand that I am not important to them and will not be important to my great nieces and nephews.

Lola, enjoy YOUR life!!! Take your mom out to dinner and toast the young couple. By the way, my nephew and new niece-in-law will have to BEG me to babysit their baby. By the way, I KNOW I will never be asked to babysit. Oh well.

I was a Post Partum nurse for 10 years. I have held my share of babies. I do not need to hold a baby of parents who do not appreciate or even acknowledge me.

Lola, you did not deserve to be excluded. Neither did your mom. Without your mom's existence, there would be no nephew -- who got married. The young lady, he married, doesn't know you LOVED him before she even knew him. Ignorance.

Luckily, there are other young people who do include their grandparents and their aunts and uncles in their wedding plans. There are WISE young people around!

Be happy for them. Don't be sad for you. Know who they are and let life continue. Your sibling, the parent of your nephew, is just your mom's child. Your nephew is not a strong young man. He might be physically strong but he is weak when it comes to fighting for what is RIGHT.

You are your mother's FRIEND. Her grandson, your nephew will never appreciated either of you. And that is sad. Perhaps ... when he becomes a father, an uncle or a grandfather ... maybe then, he will understand what he did by not including you and your mom. Once again, it is sad. Your sibling is not your friend, either. My sister one time told me, "We just have to love and accept."

Lola, you have every reason to feel slighted as do I. Now, I accept but my degree of love for both my niece and nephew has decreased. I never thought my love for them could decrease. I know they do not care about me as I CARED about them.

I just have to TRY to not care either. We were not raised not to care. Lola, it is hard not to care.

Give your mom my regards. You are lucky to have each other. Be well.

This comment is from a heart broken Aunt who used to tell people PROUDLY that my sister is raising MY children. My children were raised not to care about me.

Hate to say it...but not to be rude ....but get over it... Weddings are EXPENSIVE.. it's rude to assume that you should automatically included in a private event of any kind

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Enjoy YOUR wedding.

Just when you are not invited to a wedding of someone you love, do not take it personally. I believe that is that is what some of the new Brides-To-Be are saying.

I, myself, had a VERY small wedding with just my parents, my sister and brother-in-law, his mother, their three children, my nephew and my nieces, who walked down the aisle for me, and four of my closest friends. My groom's family and friends were invited.

Because I was engaged two times before and both young men flaked on me, I couldn't believe I was getting married until a day before the Wedding. When a Wedding for me finally happened, I was SO happy!!! In fact, one of my friends told me she had never seen a HAPPIER bride than me!!!

My family, my aunts and the cousins from out of town, understood. They even sent my new husband and me Wedding gifts. I talked with and thanked each one of them. Family is so important!!!

There is a story behind every Bride, every Groom and every Wedding.

I have been married for almost 18 years now and am still happy!

Happiness is what matters. And ... when you make others happy, YOU become HAPPY too!

Have a great day -- today and everyday.