Not invited to the wedding

Please don't be there "in the distance". That would be really over the top stomping on her boundaries.

I would respect her wishes and possibly plan a nice dinner to celebrate afterward!

What your daughter doesn’t seem to want is a large wedding or a wedding reception. But her wedding, by definition, is and will always be the occasion upon which her marriage takes place. It can be tiny or grand, an elopement or in front of 300 people. It can take place in a courthouse, a wedding venue, a place of worship or under a tree, but it’s still her wedding.


I can understand why your feelings are what they are being that friends and now your other daughter are included and this is happening only two hours away.
My only thought is maybe there is reason they don’t want her future in laws there and felt it would be unfair to invite just you. In that situation, I would have just eloped, in the original sense of the word. Once she included other friends or family they ran the risk this plan wouid hurt feelings.
Other than express a wish to be there, I don’t know what else you can do. I’m sorry.

If I were you, I would take her out to lunch or something and just explain how much it means for you to be there if you haven’t done that yet. Let her know how this makes you feel without making accusations. But if she says no, then you should respect her wishes and not crash the wedding, even from a distance.

Is the area they are eloping to a fun destination? If so, they may be thinking it would be a more carefree experience to go out barhopping/partying with their friends after the ceremony, and not have to worry about the comfort level of parents/older adults. We had friends go this route for that reason. They just wanted a casual, no fuss ceremony, then to go out and celebrate afterwards. They knew their parents would not be interested in doing the things they and their friends wanted to do, and they didn’t want the burden of having to compromise their experience for the comfort level of their parents. Also, they knew if they invited their parents, they would also have to invite their siblings and grandparents. And suddenly, what was supposed to be a very tiny elopement, becomes a small wedding. Perhaps a compromise would be to have them set up a camera and live stream the ceremony so all parents could be present and witness the Union from the comfort of their homes.