Not Inviting a Certain Family Member To Wedding?

You’re not being rude by setting boundaries for your life that include not surrounding yourself with hateful people. If I had a family member like this I wouldn’t invite them and if others wanted to know why I’d be honest. That his point of view on other ethnicities is not something you want in your life and you will not be inviting him to anything you’re hosting.

Don't invite him. I wonder if your aunt shares his beliefs. She tolerates his behavior toward you and others than she should fully understand how it affects you and the family. If you truly don't want him there, and I completely understand, I think you should have a heart to heart with your aunt. She probably will understand since she doesn't bring him to family events. She's not an innocent bystander here, she's married to him and is the link for the unwelcome hate in the family.

Honestly, based on the information you have given, I don’t think you can make a wrong decision in this matter. Your aunt’s husband’s behavior has been unacceptable and he has participated in gaslighting you on issues that he knows are hurtful and offensive. This is more than reasonable cause to not want him present on such an important day in your life. It is fully within your right to set healthy boundaries with toxic people. If family members come to you upset that you did not invite him, you can simply redirect the conversation away from your actions (not inviting him) and back onto his (offensive behavior). After all, it was his action that caused your reaction, and he should be accountable for that. On the other hand, you said he would not act out or say offensive things to your guests. So, if you find that not inviting him is not worth the fallout it will cause with other family members, that’s OK too! You will be so busy on your wedding day, you probably won’t even see him. So don’t stress out! This is 100% your decision, and you are right and justified in whichever decision you make 😊

That's a hard no for me. I don't think I need to make allowances for racism, homophobia, or bigotry in my life. There's no room for it.

This exact situation is happening to me and I am about to send out invitations. Is there a way to appropriately address the invite to just my aunt but to make sure her husband is excluded? I want to make it as clear as possible, but I am unsure how to do so without just calling her and telling her how it is going to be. Do you think I need to do that? Or will the invite addressing be sufficient enough?

My FH was in a similar situation with a very sexist uncle he did not want to invite. His mom basically told him it was not optional and that it would be war if we left one of her few family members off the guest list. It worked out for us in the end that he declined (thankfully) but I truly feel for what you are going through right now. You are not alone!


Sorry I don't have any real advice.