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Just Said Yes November 2019

Not inviting my brother's girlfriend

Rachel, on October 26, 2018 at 7:10 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 27
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Okay so I from beginning did not want my brother's girlfriend at my wedding. I lived with them in a house for 2 years and we all ended up hating each other. She is so uncomfortable to be around and we had a big fight... anyways there was always a lot of drama in the house... it was very toxic. Since then I moved out and it has been a huge weight off my shoulders, but now I barely talk to my brother and he is still dating her.
They have been dating for almost 3 years and since then I believe she has brought him down and she is very controlling of him too which I dont like..
From the beginning, my fiance and I do not want her at our wedding.
Reasons:
1. It's a small intimate wedding with only family like 15 people
2. I want to be surrounded by people I love and dont make me upset
3. I know my parents dont like her but they will never tell my brother because they dont want to get on his bad side because he is already distant with our family
4. No one else is bringing their girlfriend/boyfriend. So why does she get special treatment??

My parents are not in agreement with my decision. They think because they live together that she is family. I dont see that...they are not supportive like I want them to be.

I didn't think I was a dilemma because I'm going to invite her to our reception at a later date...

Should I just give in and invite her to please my family and prevent future drama?
Or should I do the wedding what I always pictured having surrounded by people I love.

My parents asked if I would be okay with my brother not coming? - i said it is his decision and if he wants to come support me then he is always invited. I would still probably invite them both to the reception after this.
I just need some input on what's right?

27 Comments

Latest activity by MrsE2020, on January 22, 2020 at 6:01 PM
  • Victoria
    VIP October 2018
    Victoria ·
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    I think your parents are right. She's not a fling, she's a live-in girlfriend of three years. You should invite her.
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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    I think significant others should always be invited unless there’s an extenuating circumstance like it’s a violent situation. You can not invite her but prepare for your brother to not come.
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  • Abby
    VIP March 2019
    Abby ·
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    In this situation I wouldn't invite her. If you only want to be surrounded by people you love and not someone who's just toxic then I think that's fine for you to do. Just be prepared for your brother to not come as well.
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  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    Are you prepared for this to completely cut any chance of a relationship you could have with your brother? That’s a possibility if you exclude his long-term SO.
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  • WED18
    July 1993
    WED18 ·
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    You love your brother and not inviting his GF would be a slap in the face. You would be causing more harm to an already damaged relationship. This girl could be future family and your parents already view her as such. IMO you should take the high road and invite her.

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  • MaryClare
    Dedicated November 2018
    MaryClare ·
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    I agree, you should invite her. Imagine how you would feel if the roles were reversed and they didn’t invite your fiancé to their wedding. I suppose if the ceremony is just going to be immediate family only and you’ll be having others join after the reception it might be ok. But that means excluding anyone else’s husband or wife that isn’t a blood relative. At this point it’s nearly the same as excluding his wife. Even if you didn’t have a strained relationship already this would be enough to damage even a strong bond between siblings
    • Reply
  • Kenisha
    Champion June 2019
    Kenisha ·
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    Only you know what's best for you.

    If that's truly how you feel then I think that you made the right decision.

    Just prepare yourself for your brother choosing to not come.

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  • Sarah
    Devoted March 2019
    Sarah ·
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    If she’s toxic to you and makes you uncomfortable, why would you invite her? I agree with your decision. This is your special day to be happy with loved ones
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Any significant others should be invited. If I was invited to a wedding without my FW, I wouldn't attend. Why would I attend a ceremony to celebrate someone else's relationship if they don't even respect mine?

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  • H
    November 2018
    happeningmom ·
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    They have been together 3-4 years and honestly it does not matter what you think a out their relationship. Can you imagine if she go I’d your brother to see or talk to you because she didn’t like your boyfriend? Please invite her! Be the bigger person and offer the olive branch. More than likely she is going to end up becoming family so at least try to smooth things over. Family drama is hurtful to all involved and eventually erodes the family foundation. When your parents are no longer here all you truly have is your siblings and your married family.
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  • A
    Amber ·
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    First let me say that having someone at your wedding and living with someone are two completely different experiences. Second, the reason she should get "special treatment" is because she's not some distant family friend, she's your brothers girlfriend of 3 years. Third, regardless of what you think of her, it's your brothers choice and it's his to make.

    If you choose to leave her out you have to accept that your brother might not come. If you really think she will act up then by all means do what you have to do, but your brother might not come. After all, you are his sister but his girlfriend of 3 years is his potential wife one day. Not something to be taken lightly no matter how you feel about her.

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  • Erica
    Dedicated July 2019
    Erica ·
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    If no others are having their boyfriend or girlfriend attend & you don't like her, then why have her there? My own mom won't be at my wedding because I am not with catering to folks who bring misery into my life
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  • R
    Just Said Yes November 2019
    Rachel ·
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    I wish my brother and I had a stronger bond like we used to until he started dating her. Now, it he doesnt even try to be with my family unless he needs something from my parents. But it wont hurt the relationship if i invite them... but i dont know if it will help. Thank you for your help and advice.
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  • Kristen
    VIP August 2018
    Kristen ·
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    She gets "special treatment" because she is your brother's long time, live-in significant other. If you were invited to your brother's wedding and they didn't invite your FH you probably wouldn't take it very well so I'm guessing your brother wouldn't either.

    I can't imagine that not inviting the girlfriend would help your relationship with your brother. If you want to keep the road to reconciliation open with him then I'd consider inviting her.

    You don't have to like her, but you do have to respect your brother's relationship with her for the sake of your own relationship with him.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    If your mother or brother disliked your FI, would you think it okay year after year to have you invited everywhere without him? She you have a family member, or a former friend you do not get along with, you can not invite them, your choice. But as a family member, when another family member has a long term significant other, you need to be polite, civil, whether you like them or not. Past disagreements don't matter. Given what happened when you all lived together, I would say you should never marry your brother, or marry your brother's girlfriend. You fight when constantly in close quarters. But for short periods of time, now and for 20 years if need be, you can have the good social skills to be polite, so you and your brother will heal wounds from the house sharing nightmare, and become loving family once again. If you think of your wedding as a time when every thing and everybody must be exactly as you want, with no allowance for other peoples legitimate feelings, you probably ate not mature enough to marry. Grown up life, and marriage, is never all about 1 person's wants and needs.
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  • R
    Just Said Yes November 2019
    Rachel ·
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    Thank you all for your advice. It's just one day and I will be mature and invite my brothers girlfriend. Thanks again.
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  • Chariece & Sterling
    VIP January 2026
    Chariece & Sterling ·
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    Certain post on Wedding Wire I never respond to becauseof the nature of topic. This is a public forum and everyone is entitled to their opinion this touched home for me because of a similar situation. Congratulations and don't let anyone steal your wedding joy. I must say you are a bigger person than me.
    • Reply
  • J
    Savvy April 2019
    jo ·
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    Be the bigger person. Just invite your brother's girlfriend, your brother deserves to be at your wedding and if inviting his girlfriend means he will be there, just do it.


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  • MIWM
    VIP June 2019
    MIWM ·
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    I am also no inviting my brothers girlfriend. They are toxic for each other and always on again than off again. She is extremely toxic and I do not want her around on my special day.

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  • Paige
    Devoted September 2019
    Paige ·
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    I don’t understand why people feel you have to “be the bigger person” or compromise in your wedidng day. It’s your day, not hers. If she’s awful, don’t invite her. I’m not inviting people I don’t like, why would I pay to have someone that I don’t like around me? I wouldn’t invite her.
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