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Just Said Yes November 2019

Not inviting my brother's girlfriend

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Rachel, on October 26, 2018 at 7:10 PM

Okay so I from beginning did not want my brother's girlfriend at my wedding. I lived with them in a house for 2 years and we all ended up hating each other. She is so uncomfortable to be around and we had a big fight... anyways there was always a lot of drama in the house... it was very toxic. Since then I moved out and it has been a huge weight off my shoulders, but now I barely talk to my brother and he is still dating her.
They have been dating for almost 3 years and since then I believe she has brought him down and she is very controlling of him too which I dont like..
From the beginning, my fiance and I do not want her at our wedding.
Reasons:
1. It's a small intimate wedding with only family like 15 people
2. I want to be surrounded by people I love and dont make me upset
3. I know my parents dont like her but they will never tell my brother because they dont want to get on his bad side because he is already distant with our family
4. No one else is bringing their girlfriend/boyfriend. So why does she get special treatment??

My parents are not in agreement with my decision. They think because they live together that she is family. I dont see that...they are not supportive like I want them to be.

I didn't think I was a dilemma because I'm going to invite her to our reception at a later date...

Should I just give in and invite her to please my family and prevent future drama?
Or should I do the wedding what I always pictured having surrounded by people I love.

My parents asked if I would be okay with my brother not coming? - i said it is his decision and if he wants to come support me then he is always invited. I would still probably invite them both to the reception after this.
I just need some input on what's right?

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27 Comments

Just Said Yes November 2019
Rachel · on October 30, 2018 at 8:11 AM
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The worse part is my brother never called to congratulate me
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Dedicated October 2017
Rachael · on October 30, 2018 at 9:42 AM
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I think people realize that not inviting a siblings SO will severely damage the relationship with the sibling. Whether you get along with a siblings SO doesn't really matter; your sibling has chosen that person to be their SO. It's a different story if the SO is abusive or violent, but if it's just that you don't like them personally that's something you have to get over. Being the bride doesn't mean you can be rude without consequences. It's rude to invite someone and not their long term SO.

It's a decision only the bride can make, but I think it's important to go into the decision with eyes wide open. Not inviting your siblings SO could result in that sibling cutting you out of your life. If that's something you/the bride is willing to risk that's your/the brides choice.
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Devoted September 2019
Paige · on October 30, 2018 at 2:20 PM
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At the end of the day it is the OP’s wedding and I completely understand if she doesn’t want to invite someone that she doesn’t like. Why should she pay for someone she doesn’t like to eat her food, drink her drinks, and take up space of a preferred loved one? I don’t think it’s rude to not invite someone you don’t like at all. Especially if her and her brother aren’t even close anymore because of the girlfriends behavior.
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Devoted December 2018
LoweryForLife · on November 1, 2018 at 5:39 PM
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You're a much bigger person than I am. If there was that toxic of a relationship, I wouldn't invite her. ESPECIALLY since the wedding is so small. It would just add to the stress of your day. I wouldn't do it.
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April 2020
Cherry · on January 22, 2020 at 2:53 AM
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I'm in same situation with my youngest sister getting married this April and only Myself my 2 kids who live with me and my estranged 16 year old son are invited 2 separate invites sent. My SO of nearly 3 years name is not there. So I asked my sister and she wants master 16 there ( mind you he has nothing to do with any family members of ours since 2018) She's Worried that her day will get ruined by my SO and master 16. SO and I are friggen adults here and would never dream of letting anything happen. Im really really hurting and upset about it. I'm ready to jam it with a Declined letter back. I would never treat family like this
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Super March 2020
Concetta · on January 22, 2020 at 2:58 PM
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Hi, I think they should be invited. It is not a fling or new interest, they live together and have been together for years... I can understand your frustration though
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Dedicated February 2020
MrsE2020 · on January 22, 2020 at 6:01 PM
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I hate to agree that you should invite her, but you really should. It's not being the bigger person, she's your brother's SO. You'd be mad if they didn't invite your husband to their wedding right? It's not like you're including her in the wedding party or any other events. She will be a wedding guest. I would not, however, feel obligated to include her in the majority of family pictures. You don't have to fawn over her, it's up to her if she wants to be a salty B at your wedding but I would just go about your day and not let her ruin it.
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