Over the past six months I have come to realize that my three (older brother and sister, and younger brother) siblings are all alcoholics, one I think may be battling substance abuse (younger brother). I have always been the “sane” and “successful” (in the sense that I can hold down a job) one, which I’ve always felt they resented me (especially the older two, but probably all three). I’ve always tried to be close with them, and I think I lived in denial for many years about their problems. Ever since I met my fiancé it’s like they have all imploded, and I feel like they are personally trying to ruin my life. My younger brother who is just two years younger than me (I am 33) has always depended on me for money etc, always has to crash on my couch when he has nowhere to live and no job etc. Well when my fiancé moved in with me, my brother and his gf moved into my fiance’s old place. We got a call a few months later from the landlord to let us know they hadn’t paid a single penny of rent in months. I was humiliated and upset for my fiancé who had a good relationship with that landlord and set things up nicely for my brother, even leaving him his bed, sofa etc. My brother and his gf didn’t apologize. Not once. Instead they had been trying to ask me previous to us finding this all out to co-sign a $5,000 loan. After thinking and talking about it with friends and my fiancé I can only assume my brother who actually did have a full time job (and his gf) have an addiction greater than overrides paying the rent. I told them to get help and never heard from them again. That was almost a year ago. Around this time my older brother started seeing someone. Quickly into their relationship they were having violent arguments because they both drink too much. My brother had multiple explosive attacks at me too. Things came to a head at Christmas when my brother hit my sister. I had to call the cops because he wouldn’t remove himself from the situation and I was worried that if we left his home he would hit his gf (he was like demon). I obviously have had no contact with my brother since then and my sister has a restraining order against him.
So, I am now literally left with my sister. Every time I have hung out with her recently she has gotten really drunk, and turns into a different person who is argumentative and scary. She threatened to hit my fiance’s friend at his bday party a couple of months ago which was really humiliating. We both forgave her and she said she would reassess her relationship with alcohol. Except she didn’t and she keeps getting worse and worse. So things came to a head on Saturday when she got really drunk again and got argumentative. I told her to calm down (literally anything can set her off) and I asked her where this was all coming from. She told me she no longer wanted to be MOH because she cannot stand up at my wedding and say anything good about my fiancé and that he was a psychopath (really upsetting because he is the sweetest guy). I got her home and the next day I asked her if she would apologize for what she said and she said no, she meant it because he was critical of me. I begged her to give me an example, I asked her to talk to me about it on the phone, I got nothing. She told me she would still come to the wedding but not as MOH I told her not to because we don’t want her negativity and drama. i can't help but feel she is jealous.
Please help, am I being too harsh for not having any of them there? My older brother and older sister were supposed to be in the wedding (we cut my older brother out after Christmas) but my nephew was supposed to be groomsman (my sister’s son) and now I feel like he won’t come. Would love some advice. I am so heartbroken over everything.
