Not Legally Binding Marriage

My wedding is not going to legally married due to a previous marriage that I was in. It's a long story on that. But we didn't tell our guest about it. Once everything is done we will eventually be legally married, but right now we're happy doing what we're doing. This is the only time that we can do it because of our families will be there.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! Did your guests question it at all? Or am I crazy for thinking they’ll question it?

Yes it's wrong to deceive your guests into believing you are getting married when you aren't really.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the helpful insight!!

View Quoted Comment I am not getting married until June my family and friends knows what is going on with me and they don’t question it at all. They think what I am doing is a wonderful ideal

View Quoted Comment I agree with Veronica. Your friends and family may feel hurt and upset if you lie to them about this. I would be honest with your guests about your plans, and specify that it's a commitment ceremony and not a wedding.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!!

If you plan to call each other "husband" and "wife" and socially be Mr. and Mrs. and say vows, then I don't see it wrong not to say anything. The legality of marriage isn't anyone's concern but your own. What are they going to do, watch you sign the marriage certificate? Lol .

As always, the wedding is about the couple. If a guest was so butthurt that they would be mad about not knowing you weren't signing the papers then they shouldn't even be invited to celebrate.

That said, if anyone asks I think you shouldn't lie. My Husband and I got married legally 2 weeks before our wedding, and only our close friends and family knew. No one else even asked until I posted pictures from the marriage day. And nobody cared when we did tell them.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! If we do it we’re wanting to wait an extra “year” (tax wise) so just a few months AFTER the wedding to make it legal. We were already welllll into the wedding planning process before a job change that we’re worried about tax wise😅

There are too many downsides to lying that I don't think it's worth it. Make your plans whichever way you want, but just be honest. What are you worried about with telling people the truth?

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I don’t feel the need to lie but also wasn’t sure if we need to make it crystal clear to every single person! And if so how to do that I don’t think our family/friends would think it’s bad!

Of course it's dishonest and yes you do need to clarify. As I said on the other recent thread, once you start involving guests it is no longer just about you. People deserve the right to decide for themselves whether to prioritize a commitment ceremony over a wedding or any other events in their lives. Just because no one is likely to say anything to your face doesn't mean people won't find out and think less of you for it. It's just not worth it.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! I don’t think I saw the other recent post, but it that makes 100% sense!! Any ideas on how to word it clearly for guests on invites? The invites are just for the dinner/dance portion- or should it be included in the wedding website? Not sure if everyone looks at a wedding website or the best route to go!

Since you are signing the paperwork just a few months after the wedding, I don’t see the issue here. I also don’t feel like withholding that information is “lying”. I think if someone directly asks you (although, I don’t know why on earth they would) whether you are signing your marriage license that day, then I wouldn’t lie about it. But I don’t feel any need to make that known information. Guests aren’t showing up to watch you sign a marriage license; they are there to witness you and your spouse take vows and publicly commit to one another - which you will be doing!

View Quoted Comment Thank you!!

A handfasting is a pagan ritual that binds a couple for a year and a day, it can be legally binding or not. I know if it were me, I would just say I was doing a handfasting and the legalization of the union would come after that, simply because I'm a very straightforward person and I'm very honest. I don't see the point in starting your beautiful union with deception. I'm sure people would understand..

I don't think you should start off the marriage with deception to those closest to you. I'm sure people will be happy to come celebrate, but they should know what they're celebrating.

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I have never seen this done because most people postpone the party, not the ceremony. Since a wedding reception celebrates a wedding that has already taken place, there's no protocol for a party that precedes the wedding by many months. I think your idea of a commitment ceremony and celebration makes sense if you absolutely have no way to postpone the party.

I would maybe tell those closest to you. Parents, grandparents and close friends but no one else needs to know. Not their business. It doesn’t affect their life at all if you’re legally married or not. Honestly I wish my husband and I didn’t technically make it legal 🥴 it’s killing me in the healthcare department tbh

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I hear you, Taylor.

OP, I wish someone warned me about tax issues.