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Chesa
Beginner August 2018

Not looking forward to my bachelorette party

Chesa, on June 14, 2018 at 10:48 PM

Posted in Parties and Events 24

Hi guys, So I’m in a bit of a bind. When i first chose my maid of honor and we started talking about my bachelorette party, I told her I wanted to go to Portland, OR for a night (I live an hour and a half south, in Eugene) or two in the city. Nothing crazy, just my girls and I being in the city and...
Hi guys,
So I’m in a bit of a bind. When i first chose my maid of honor and we started talking about my bachelorette party, I told her I wanted to go to Portland, OR for a night (I live an hour and a half south, in Eugene) or two in the city. Nothing crazy, just my girls and I being in the city and going to a nice dinner with drinks, and being able to walk around and shop. I’ve never wanted anything overly extravagant or spendy, but still something special and fun!
My maid of honor basically told me no, and that we’d be renting a cottage on the coast for a weekend in a town of mostly retired people. I told her again what I wanted, but she refuses to listen to me, bullies my bridesmaids, and throws a fit any time I try and tell her that this isn’t what I want.
On top of this, I have bridesmaids who are really tight on money, and she is making each of my 6 bridesmaids cough up over $150 each for the cost of the trip, which doesn’t include their own travel expenses. This doesn’t make sense to me because the cost to rent a house on Airbnb in that area is only about $100/night, we’re only eating out once (which is super disappointing being that it’s my BACHELORETTE PARTY) which each girl will have to pay for out of their own pocket, and she already told me that I’ll have to help pay for groceries and alcohol. One of my bridesmaids told her she couldn’t afford this and said she just wouldn’t be able to go, and she bullied her into setting up a “payment plan”. She even went as far as to push her into keeping it from me saying that telling me would just cause unecessary drama. I only found out about this because she made a passing comment to her boyfriend when they were at my house for dinner about not being able to afford something else.
With only a few weeks until the trip I’m dreading it more and more with each day. I’m jealous of the bachelor party trip my fiancé has planned, and just wish that she would care what I want. I don’t know what to do.
Do I just grin and bear it, and try and grudgingly get through the weekend? Or do I say something? I know she’s already booked the house but Airbnb does refund within a certain time period.
I also know that once we get past the wedding this friendship is more than likely over

24 Comments

  • M
    Devoted June 2019
    Mrs.V2Be ·
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    This is a hard situation to be in! So sorry you have to deal with it. If you truly do not want to do this and are compassionate about others not being financially able to attend, then you really do need to have a conversation with her. She is not considering anyone, but herself and that could lead to even bigger issues in the next couple of months. This is about you, not her. You have every right to say no. Good luck dear!

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  • AQuixoticBride
    VIP July 2018
    AQuixoticBride ·
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    Glad you spoke with her. Hopefully some of the stress has been lifted for you.
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  • Deirdre
    Super March 2018
    Deirdre ·
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    After that response, honestly if I were you, I would tell her you don't want her to be part of the wedding party anymore. The line about the other girls not caring about you if they don't pay up somewhat disgusts me. She doesn't know their financial situation and what they have going on. It has nothing to do with how much they care for you. I also don't like how she told you that you were ungrateful for speaking up for yourself. If you think the friendship is on the outs, get rid of her now. You don't want that stress on your wedding day when you are getting ready.


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  • Summer
    Super August 2018
    Summer ·
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    This sounds kind of fun to me and sounds like she's worked hard on it. She may even be planning a fun surprise for you based on the extra cash she's asking from your BMs and just doesn't want to reveal it (maybe even to the other BMs) yet...BUT. If you know this is not something you'll enjoy, I'd try going to MOH with your concerns and gently saying "I know you've put a lot of effort into this which I so appreciate...but to be honest it's not what I pictured for my bachelorette and I think it's putting some extra strain on the other girls. I'd be happy to help you re-arrange the party and we could just do one night in Portland, which would be less stress for you!" I think coming at it from this angle of earnestness and concern, it will either work out how you want it, or she will break down and engage in a heart-to-heart with you and maybe you'll find out why she's being so weird and seemingly selfish.

    Alternately, is she married yet? Is it likely you'll be her MOH? If so, when the time comes, plan the bachelorette you would plan without asking her what she wants, since that's what she did to you, and then it'll be even! lol.

    Whatever you do, remember it's just a party, and you have your wedding to plan exactly the way you want, so try not to stress on these details.


    Sorry, just saw your update. Hope this hasn't hurt your friendship and you can still enjoy yourselves!

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