Not Officially Engaged but still Planning

Well if you are booking vendors and sending out save the dates, it sounds pretty official. congrats!

Did you already book the venue? I would say it's too early for STDs, but I don't see an issue with booking other vendors right now.

Hey, if you're planning a wedding, you're engaged! Congrats! I know the ring and the actual question might make it more real, but we definitely don't discriminate around here.

Don't send out save the dates this early. Wait until you have a budget, venue and a date, then make your guest list. Then you can send them out 6-8 months before.

Oh lady, sounds like you're planning for a wedding forgetting about the marriage. Wedding planning is exciting, but honestly it's one day out of a LIFETIME with someone. If I were you, I'd keep pinning nice ideas and noting dresses you like, time of year, etc., but maybe leave the details and actual bookings until he actually asks?

I think you should talk to him and make sure you guys are engaged even tho he hasn't formally asked you. Maybe he's just leading you on to avoid confrontation or to avoid hurting your feelings. You don't want to plan everything then have him bail on you. Just double check with him.

We've been together 6 years, both our families know engagement is imminent. I think he's waiting for the right time. Also, I know destination weddings take quite a bit more time to book and plan, and I've read that STDs should be sent out 10mo to a year before. Is this true?

Syrena, that's true if it's a legit DW like out of the country/resort type deal. It lets people save up money and request time off work. Still though, don't do anything save-the-date wise until your venue is confirmed and your guest list is confirmed. Once you send a save-the-date, those people must be invited. No take-backsies!

If you have agreed on a date and a location then I would call you engaged. Congratulations and happy planning.

What? If you're booking venues and setting a date, you're engaged. You and FH need to be on the same page with that. If you want a traditional proposal, stop planning and wait. Or propose to him yourself.

Also, you don't have a date until you have a signed contract and venue.

Did he agree to the date and venue? Is the contract signed for the venue? If so, sounds like you're engaged. I would make a formal announcement to family and friends first before sending out STD. If not, maybe have a talk with him to see if you're actually engaged or not. If you're not, I would hold off on the planning.

I'm in the same exact situation. FH told me less than a year ago he wanted to marry me and we are now less than 60 days away from the big day! We have been planning (and paying) since April. We already have our officiant, our venue (last payment was on Monday yay) our cater, and DJ booked. I just received my dress yesterday and I'm so in love with it. We're almost done with our marriage counseling sessions (which i highly recommend). At first I was a little sad to plan a wedding secretly but it's become a fun adventure. I found the receipt on accident for the engagement ring the other day and I was like wowwwwww! Way more than I was expecting him to spend. Money was the reason it hadn't happened yet but obviously it's imminent lol. Be sure to make sure he intends to marry and if so book and plan together ASAP. We're an unconventional couple so it's been beautiful to keep this process all about us so enjoy the journey! Many blessings!

We're doing the same thing! We have a venue (ceremony, food, alcohol, and cake), a band, an officiant, and our honeymoon booked. We knew we wanted to get married and by a certain time frame, but FH wasn't ready to propose. We decided to go ahead and start planning and he will ask me when he's ready. At first it wasn't bad, but the longer he takes the more impatient I get! Lol I want to wear my ring for a little while at least before we get married.

ETA: @Frugal I just read your comment. I felt the same way at first. We told my mom right away but he didn't want to tell anybody else. I had a harder time with keeping it a secret than FH, but eventually he ended up telling his family and his closest friends. Now it's not really a secret anymore, but we haven't announced to our not as close friends and family.

Our families knew an engagement was coming, but they would have been completely shocked if they received a STD before they had heard us announce to them that we were engaged. It's not the same thing. You either consider yourselves engaged (with or without a ring) and are officially planning a wedding, or you don't consider yourselves to be engaged, yet, in which case there's no reason to be announcing wedding plans to family and friends, yet.

STDs don't go out before you've booked a venue. Especially since you're planning a DW, it's imperative that you send STDs out with information for guests about how to book their trip. You really can't present that information if you haven't booked anything. Plus, there's no guarantee that the venue you select will have your date open by the time you actually book it.

And I really don't think you should start booking things until you and your boyfriend have talked about whether or not you're actually engaged and planning this for real.

Uhh. I hate to break it to you, but if you're planning, looking into booking venues, have a date, and want to send out save the dates then you're engaged. Ring or no ring.

@Shauna D. My father knows because he lives in another state and since his promotion it's harder for him to take leave. FH mother and sister know as well as my officiant because he's my former sargeant and pastor. I'm like you, since I've known for almost a year he wanted to get married, I find myself growing increasingly impatient but then I have to remember that the only reason why he hasn't is because of finances. So that keeps me in check. The upside of planning and secret is you don't have to deal with people's negative and put or trying to take over your planning and you can truly have the wedding the way you want to have it.

He needs to pop the question even if you don't have money for an e ring the heart is what matters I technically don't have an e ring but my heart knows I am engaged so congratulations having to wait for my soldier from Afghanistan to get my e ring once he is home he will retire after 37 years

@Sheri why? My FH is designing the ring and planning a proposal. That is just him. I know it will come eventually, it just hasn't happened yet. They will get around to it when they can. I don't see how it's up to you to decide how we go about our engagements. The important issue here is the marriage. We are only planning a party. The ring and the proposal are extra, we have already made the decision to spend the rest of our lives together.

I think you should be asking him this question to make sure y'all are on the same page, but if you are then go for it!

I joined WW in May of last year -- two months before our "official" engagement. We had already started planning and putting depostis down on vendors. We kept it low key just to ourselves and a few close friends until the "actual" proposal (which was a year ago this Sunday!!). If you're both planning and making deposits, you're engaged. A ring does not equal engagement.

I booked the venue before I was engaged but I knew it was coming. We had taken the ring in to be resized together and I knew that I needed to plan ahead. It was only a couple of weeks before the ring was on my finger.

That said, you really need to sit down with your boyfriend and have a real conversation about what page you are on. If you aren't on the same page, it isn't going to happen. At all.

Be realistic.